Hi ya 🙂 Wanted to put together something very quickly to help people understand the dreaded, runner/chaser dynamic in soul connection relationships. It is applicable to all soul connections and is actually more prevalent in them.
For anyone who says this does not exist or is only something a false twin flame or false connection would do, that is just not true. It does exist.
The runner and chaser are roles that occur interchangeably for each side of the connection. Usually one person will predominately run (typically the masculine energy) and other will predominately chase (typically the feminine energy) But they can switch. The key thing to remember is that this is largely an unconscious pattern, making it conscious and learning how to eliminate it and do NEITHER will go along way towards making progress, either in the relationship or in the personal growth of both sides.
So what is a “runner?” Runners and chasers, really, are actually doing the same thing. They are running away from themselves. Runners are not running away from you. They run away from what they see reflected back at them, through you. They run from the things they don’t want to see, they don’t want to do, they don’t want to change, and you bring that all up for them to deal with. They may also run from the power of unconditional love, from the intensity of the connection, but they are still only running from themselves. What are running behaviors? Refusal to communicate when communication is needed, cutting all ties, disappearing, denial of the connection, self-sabotage in the form of pushing you away (creating really ugly behaviors to get you to run,) running back to easy or safe relationships, running to drugs or alcohol, running…sprinting….you get the idea. 🙂
The good news is, they can run from you, temporarily, but they can’t run from themselves forever. Issues have to be faced, truth has to come out, and it will given enough time.
The flipside to this is the chaser. As a result of the running behaviors, the chaser freaks out and tries to chase down the runner, which of course, only makes them run more. The chaser too, is also running away from themselves. They are running from their own uncomfortable feelings, their pain, their hurt, their sadness, their wounding from past situations. All things that need to be cleared in this process. So what will the chaser do? Hound and harass with messages, phone calls, emails, even showing up (yeah, that is a lil stalkerish….don’t do it!) Chasers demand a reply, a response, to be heard, something…anything…to ease this pain (which is really, very old pain most of the time that the runner has triggered off and has nothing to do with the runner.)
And the cycle continues….the beat goes on….roles are switched, and off we go on a merry go round of hell. Get off the merry-go-round. Don’t play this game.
Why? First of all, realize what you are doing to someone you claim to love. Both extremes are not loving. Not to them, and not to yourself.
So, chasers…let em run! Runners, stop running and everybody, let’s take a breath and stand still for a few minutes, hours, days, months, whatever it takes. Then quit pointing fingers and laying blame, and turn within and look deeeeepp, within yourself. What is there?
1.) Love for yourself and the other person, so let’s do our best to act like it.
2) Pain that is your very own that you can clear on your own, that the other person is not responsible for. Pain from all the times you have ran, and everything you are running from. Pain, from all the times you have chased in order not to feel pain that has built up for years.
Now, feel it to heal it. You don’t need to run, you don’t need to chase. You can survive this. It is love, after all 🙂 This is the point when two people grow up and start facing their issues. The swords are put down. You take care of your own needs. You release your demands. You free yourself. And you do what this connection was meant for you to do—take a look at yourself and GROW. Never mind the relationship. Forget it for now. Focus on you.
Best advice ever–focus on you. 🙂