Truths about the Twin Flame Journey

The twin flame journey is ineffable, fundamentally indescribable, a zone that is hard to put words to.  It is sublime, even though many of the world’s great love stories are based upon it, those myths and archetypes are bits and pieces of floating ephemera in comparison to the real thing.  You only know it when you are in it, and you only see it in others when you have witnessed it in yourself.

I don’t mean this in a romantic love story kind of way.  No, it is beyond.  Take whatever you know about love, and the twin flame experience is still further beyond comprehension.

Take your current limitations and declarations of “I can’t” and smash them up against the wall.  Take your understanding of the time space continuum and the beliefs about how your world operates and what you think is possible and trash them.

When you see the truth of what twin flame love is, it is like Paul being struck off his horse by the bolt of God. Imagine that light of truth striking you in the face, surrounding you and infusing you with a kundalini transformation.  That is how Saul became Paul, and every Saul twin flame will become Paul.  It is only a matter of time.

The truth is it is the most mystical, frightening, amazing AND hardest connection you will ever have.  You will be pushed beyond any limitation you have constructed in your mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual bodies.

There is no “I can’t.”  And that is the truth about the words, like unconditional love, that we throw around.

It will require you to be utterly alone, digging into the recesses of your unconsciousness for clues to heal yourself.  It will require you to scoop up your inner child off the floor and hold her screaming and crying in your arms.  It is the inner work you do to find out how to love yourself—all of you, the darkest corners of you that the conscious mind has conveniently forgot.  And in the midst of the light and dark, shadow play of awakening, you are both alone and together.

You are both fighting this battle and it gets tiresome and it gets weary.  Twin flames pull the trigger to your own self discovery.  You will never know how deep the rabbit hole goes, because it is a process spiraling ever deeper.  There is always more to learn and discover, clear, heal, work through, so there is never a true “I can’t.”  You can and you will.

It is simply not the path for every soul on this planet.  It does not fit into any box that anyone else could try to conceive of.  It is a kind of growth that not all will experience.  It is not anything like other types of relationships because it is the energetic force that is transforming our very limitations about relationships.

But we have to try to explain this, because it is the forward progression of our conscious understanding of love.  It is the front line of new template creation.  It fits into the grand design, as aspects of its connectedness can be found in our relationship to everything that exists.  There is no one you will understand better, or seek to understand as much, as your twin flame.  And in knowing them, you know very deeply yourself.  Because they are one and the same.  In understanding this unity you can see the unity everywhere.  You can seek to understand your connection to everything and everyone, whether it is pleasant or unpleasant, and especially if it is challenging.

It is an end to the concept of war.  The masculine and feminine inside ourselves can no longer be at war. They have to integrate.  Twin flames are the outer reflection of this inner integration.  We are on the journey back to one.  Back to wholeness.  We are always so close.  But, more whole as we go. And the paradox is, the inner work creates the outer reality.

The truth is, it changes you.  It transforms you.  In ways you don’t understand until later, after you have integrated its teachings.  You are not in control of it, and certainly your ego is a puny force compared to it.  That force of life that allows your heart to beat and your cells to have oxygen and regulates your body is not under the control of your ego.  It does what it does.  It is smarter than you.

It is best to know its ways, rather than to make your ways fit into it. What can I say?  It is a mystery.  It feels like a blessing, it feels like a curse.  It is your life, your journey, your teaching, your path to tread.  Accept it.  Surrender to it.  Learn it. Love it.

Then expand and love more.

Live in the Future or Live in the Now: Psychic Ethics

I am changing some aspects of my work to fall in line with what I believe to be a more ethical and helpful approach to doing readings.

If you are not coming to a reading with the desire for personal growth, the desire to learn and to grow, the desire to understand yourself and others, the desire to make your own decisions and take up your power, then you are not coming to it for the right reasons.

Well what is left then?  The future.  I will be putting up another post related to this about free will and destiny from my perspective doing this work for 8 years professionally. But for now, I want to make it clear that the desire to know the future, while an understandable desire, is problematic and often, addictive.

We want to know the future because we are searching for a security that does not exist.  No one can really understand and convey the future to you with complete accuracy.  And once a reader starts telling you things that happen, you start to believe that they have some channel to God that you don’t possess. False.

You start to only ask about the future.  Your start to get extremely nebby about others. You start to become spiritually dependent on your reader and their abilities.  It can become an addiction that you feel entitled to.

What happens when people live in the future?  They are no longer living in the now.  The now is a magical land, more magical than the future, because the now is where your power, decision making ability, and learning lies.  If you are sitting around waiting for the future, then here’s my advice: Quit it! 😛

So let’s make it clear that above all as far as my work goes, I am here to help people and empower them, not to tell them the future.  I use these abilities as a TOOL to empower you and help your awakening, not to detract from it.  My purpose here on this planet is not to keep you living in the future.  I don’t believe these abilities should be used for psychic games of fancy that are meant to impress anyone.  Readings are not supposed to be about the psychic ability.  They are supposed to be HELP.

When I tell you something is going to happen, I will never say anything like that unless I also give you options and insight.  Some people don’t believe they have options or insight, they just want to know the future.  Just, no. 😛

In the eastern philosophies, psychic ability and other siddhis as they are called, are not encouraged to be developed.  And one reason is, that people can get stuck there.  Overly mystified by this ability, if they own it as theirs, can develop a huge ego.  Overly mystified by others, they can become dependent.  Too preoccupied with the future, they won’t go further on the path to enlightenment, thinking this is as good as it gets.  The energy of awakening gets stuck at the third eye chakra.

I am more of the tantric school of life, so I would say there is nothing wrong with psychic ability (duh, obviously!) but it is all about how it is approached, its applications and HOW it is used and WHAT FOR.

Also, psychic abilities don’t just exist in the light.  There are people who use them for the dark.  That’s a whole other topic.  Watch the movie the Exorcist and see how the dark can manipulate people with psychic abilities.  As it should be obvious at this point, I WORK IN THE LIGHT ONLY.  And that shit would never fly here in my vessel.

At this point I am still calling myself a psychic and a medium because those are different parts of what I do, and I am never one to shirk like a wallflower from using real words like those.

But what I also offer, above and beyond that in my opinion, are other important aspects that actually provide help.  The information that I am channeling through is always focused on help, not on the future.  Yet many people focus on the future, and not on the help, which means they don’t get helped.  It’s of course not my responsibility if someone doesn’t want the help or listen to it, but it IS my responsibility to be as helpful as I can be and as helpful as you allow me to be.

I do believe, and I will explain this is another article, that yes, there are some things that are in your soul plan for this timeline and they can’t be changed, but there are always options as to how you are going to handle them.  The only reason why I believe that is because I am assisted in telling my clients these things, and–I have had to surrender to certain things in life that are not under my control.  These are different for each soul, but think of it like death and taxes.  I don’t care how much free will you have, you are going to leave your body one day and facts like these are non-negotiable.

But within those, please understand that God/Source has not dis-empowered you, so if you feel powerless, that is because you are not seeing where your power lies.  Your will does exist.  We have a higher self will, and we have an ego will, and which one you follow is up to you.

The tagline of my work is this: Intuit. Empower. Awaken.  And I intend to follow that, each one of them being equally important.  One should lead to the other.  Intuition comes first, to get that insight, to see deeply and to understand. From there, empowerment of your higher will can follow. And from there, we move into living a life of alignment and purpose with the whole web of life. And from there, we deepen our awakening.

If I feel that the way you want me to use these abilities is in any way throwing you or me off course, I will say so and act accordingly.  Ok so now what? LOL.  I guess the best thing is to understand that I have this responsibility.  Just ask me your questions and I will decide if it is something that is going to be helpful or not for me to go in and address.  I am committed to using this ability holistically and ethically for the highest and best of all.

With loads of love,




Newsletter–The Spiritual Ego

The Spiritual Ego.  The spiritual ego develops at a certain point in a spiritual person’s soul journey.  They have begun to wake up to their true identity as a soul and a divine being.  They become immersed in spiritual activities and worldviews.  It is a joyous and exciting time.  They may even be called to start helping others and other aspects of working in the light.
And before they even know it, in walks the spiritual version of their ego.  Frankly, this happens when they have not been doing appropriate spiritual work on themselves, and usually this has to do with their shadow side.  They start to think they are better than other people, see themselves as a powerful authority figure, and attribute their gifts of divination, healing, and other wonders to themselves and not to the Source that gave it to them.  They may get greedy, money or power hungry and use their law of attraction knowledge inappropriately.  They may sacrifice their integrity and values, distort their experiences and qualifications, or think that they can use magic or any spiritual tool to achieve what their ego wants and to control others.  Essentially it is a spiritual power trip.  It can be dramatic or it can be subtle.  A more subtle form is the savior complex.  They may feel they have the right answers and now they must save and educate the world. Or their “help” is pretty much attention seeking, without the genuine desire to truly help others.
And what goes up, must come down.  The lesson that must be learned here is that your ego, even a spiritualized ego, is not in control of the world.  If there is a lack of moral integrity in your life and work, it will be exposed.  The essential quality of a spiritual person who is here to help others and not just themselves is a profound dedication to service, love of humanity and their foibles, and a relentless and humbling self inquiry into their own darkness and shadow side.  Many cult leaders are very high on their spiritual ego and take a lot of people down with them. So my advice to you is to be discerning, use your intuition and common sense with any spiritual teacher.  And be willing to not go down the same road.
Read the newsletter here

Newsletter–From Darkness to Light

From darkness to light.  The process of working with your darkness and shadow material is the way to reach the light.  That is the barely admitted secret of transformation that many people just don’t like to talk about.  But the importance of this process is evident in shamanic practice, native indigenous practice, in multiple cultural mythologies and scattered here and there in religion.
One of the last places we usually find it is in new age philosophy. Within that lexicon we have things like the power of positive thinking and the law of attraction (re-interpreted.)  In that line of thinking we should not have negative thoughts or feelings, especially anger or hatred, out of fear that we will attract that in our life.  Well folks, this is incredibly blind and shallow, no?  Not to mention unrealistic.  A deeper approach is to understand that the “darkness” has to be accepted and worked through, not ignored and repressed.  That is what the whole Halloween season does. Brings out all the things we don’t dwell on in polite society such as death, (energetic) vampires, and fear.
The first thing to do is acknowledge that darkness exists.  Hatred, anger, murder, torture, abuse, psychopaths, yes they are all real.  All we have to do is turn on the news to figure that out.  The second thing to do is understand that you have a shadow side within you.  What in you looks like what you see outside of you?  (from esoteric hermeticism–as within, so without, as above, so below.)  And the third thing to do is get busy healing those things, feeling those yucky feelings, loving that inner child, and understanding that is the path to true change–in yourself and in the world.  From darkness into light, that is the way.  🙂
Read more here

Newsletter–The Illusion of Security

Here’s a snippet of this week’s newsletter:

Ok, this subject I am passionate about.  There is no such thing as genuine security in 3D reality.  The only, true, everlasting security is to be found in love, Source creative energy, God, the one, the foundation of all.  So the security we think we are going to find in material things, in accumulation and hoarding of anything, in our own physical bodies, in other people, in clinging to any situation as permanent, is simply not there.  So why are we trying so hard to chase after something that is not there?  I think it is because we are living in the egoic illusion that we are separate from God.  The security that we seek in all of the wrong places is our seeking for that realization of oneness with our creator.  Resolving to have that realization is the smartest and wisest investment you will ever make, and it makes a huge difference to how you relate to the 3D world.
Take a look around, everything is in a state of flux and change.  Flowing with that force and not against it is also wise.  So what are we doing when we are worried about security? We do things that we don’t want to do, in order to feel secure.  We don’t do things we want to do out of fear that we won’t be secure.  We don’t take chances or risks, because we think we have security and we are going to lose that.  We don’t make changes that we know we need to make.  We stay in a state of inertia, afraid to make a move and listen to our intuition.  We stagnate, we slow down to a crawl, and we become lifeless.  Our existence becomes determined by our fears.  Safety never created anything.  And safety is an illusion.  Everything you have accumulated you cannot take with you.  Your physical body is going.  The only thing that you take with you is whatever you have created in your heart and soul, and that never happened because you stayed in your comfort zone.  It happened because you realized who you are, what you can do, and you went out and did it.
Read the rest here and have a most fantastical, risky, love filled day! 😀

Tactics of Escape: Spiritual Bypass

Often when we have a lack of acceptance in the conditions of our life, the challenges we face, the emotions we don’t want to feel, the reality we don’t want to see, the healing on ourselves we don’t want to do….we face the temptation of spiritual bypass.

Spiritual bypass is a tactic of escape.  And one that does not work, really, because ultimately if we are truly doing spiritual work on ourselves, the truth always comes out.  The feelings always come up.  The issues become exposed and the dirty laundry is aired, at least to yourself 🙂 But instead of welcoming the clearing or healing process, we think we are making a mistake, because we don’t “feel good.”  This is where spiritual maturity comes in.  We are spiritually mature when we understand that we do not need to constantly chase down the “feel good” feelings.  That no matter what is happening, we are always connected to Source, pain and all, and that we can handle facing the reality of our lives rather than escaping.  And we connect to whatever help we may need in doing that.

All true change comes first through acceptance and awareness of what is happening NOW.  Spiritual denial occurs when we try to use spiritual practices, spiritual principles which are mental ideas or constructs, to deny and avoid our human experience, our pain, our issues, our emotions, our past, etc.  An example might be not “allowing” emotions to come up in meditation because we are supposed to “clear our mind of all thoughts.”  Or thinking that “anger” is not a spiritual emotion, therefore we must repress it.  Or reading spiritual books and gathering information intellectually without actually applying principles to the circumstances of your life (intellectualizing.)  Even going to many psychics until eventually the “right” answer (read: easy answer) is given.  Our egos can also get lost in our ideas of ourselves and our spiritual identity to the point where we think we are “too advanced” to make mistakes.

Spirituality is not a drink you can take or a drug you can ingest to “think positively” and keep all your real problems at bay.  It is truly a deep look at self and requires a good amount of honesty, self-evaluation, humility, and willingness to do the healing or emotional clearing work that is needed in order to grow.  That includes making changes in our lives when changes need to be made.

Have you ever wondered why some “spiritual” people are just cruel, mean, selfish, living in their head concepts and not their heart, or seem to make the same mistakes as everyone else, even with all of their book smarts, classes taken, gurus followed, daily yoga or meditation practice?  This is why….being spiritual or religious does not necessarily make one a better person or develop traits of character.  You have to be willing to have the courage to do the work that a spiritual direction CAN and really should lead you towards.  That being said let’s end this on a positive note:  if you are going through a spiritual process, awakening, healing, ego death, re-birthing, etc:  do not try to bypass what may be the difficult parts of the journey.  Welcome it as your teacher, flow with the changes Source is birthing through you, accept your humanness and imperfection, seek support so you are not alone, release the idea that you must appear to have it all together in your spiritual community, and use your spiritual tool kit as a way to support you along the path, not to bypass the beautiful journey that it is.  ❤

Soul Mates and Twin Flames: The Runner and Chaser Dynamic

Hi ya 🙂  Wanted to put together something very quickly to help people understand the dreaded, runner/chaser dynamic in soul connection relationships.  It is applicable to all soul connections and is actually more prevalent in them.

For anyone who says this does not exist or is only something a false twin flame or false connection would do, that is just not true. It does exist.

The runner and chaser are roles that occur interchangeably for each side of the connection. Usually one person will predominately run (typically the masculine energy) and other will predominately chase (typically the feminine energy)  But they can switch.  The key thing to remember is that this is largely an unconscious pattern, making it conscious and learning how to eliminate it and do NEITHER will go along way towards making progress, either in the relationship or in the personal growth of both sides.

So what is a “runner?”  Runners and chasers, really, are actually doing the same thing.  They are running away from themselves.  Runners are not running away from you.  They run away from what they see reflected back at them, through you.  They run from the things they don’t want to see, they don’t want to do, they don’t want to change, and you bring that all up for them to deal with.  They may also run from the power of unconditional love, from the intensity of the connection, but they are still only running from themselves.  What are running behaviors?  Refusal to communicate when communication is needed, cutting all ties, disappearing, denial of the connection, self-sabotage in the form of pushing you away (creating really ugly behaviors to get you to run,) running back to easy or safe relationships, running to drugs or alcohol, running…sprinting….you get the idea. 🙂

The good news is, they can run from you, temporarily, but they can’t run from themselves forever.  Issues have to be faced, truth has to come out, and it will given enough time.

The flipside to this is the chaser.  As a result of the running behaviors, the chaser freaks out and tries to chase down the runner, which of course, only makes them run more.  The chaser too, is also running away from themselves.  They are running from their own uncomfortable feelings, their pain, their hurt, their sadness, their wounding from past situations.  All things that need to be cleared in this process.  So what will the chaser do?  Hound and harass with messages, phone calls, emails, even showing up (yeah, that is a lil stalkerish….don’t do it!) Chasers demand a reply, a response, to be heard, something…anything…to ease this pain (which is really, very old pain most of the time that the runner has triggered off and has nothing to do with the runner.)

And the cycle continues….the beat goes on….roles are switched, and off we go on a merry go round of hell.  Get off the merry-go-round.  Don’t play this game.

Why?  First of all, realize what you are doing to someone you claim to love.  Both extremes are not loving.  Not to them, and not to yourself.

So, chasers…let em run!  Runners, stop running and everybody, let’s take a breath and stand still for a few minutes, hours, days, months, whatever it takes. Then quit pointing fingers and laying blame, and turn within and look deeeeepp, within yourself. What is there?

1.) Love for yourself and the other person, so let’s do our best to act like it.

2)  Pain that is your very own that you can clear on your own, that the other person is not responsible for.  Pain from all the times you have ran, and everything you are running from. Pain, from all the times you have chased in order not to feel pain that has built up for years.

Now, feel it to heal it.  You don’t need to run, you don’t need to chase. You can survive this. It is love, after all 🙂  This is the point when two people grow up and start facing their issues.  The swords are put down.  You take care of your own needs.  You release your demands.  You free yourself. And you do what this connection was meant for you to do—take a look at yourself and GROW. Never mind the relationship. Forget it for now.  Focus on you.

Best advice ever–focus on you.  🙂

Twin Flames 101

2015 edit please read: This is an older post–2 years ago. Like anyone who is changing and growing, my views on twin flames in particular has evolved from this article. I am leaving it up though as additional food for thought rather than editing it.  Many twin flame teachers express that the info out there on twin flames is old, I tend to concur….but I will hold to this also: In order to really understand twin flames, you have to be one.  Not just that though, you have to KNOW you are one.  I am one.  I know I am one.  So I am not saying at any point that I question its reality or validity–I don’t.

But because in the beginning many soul connections can be similar, even those who have been through soul mates before do not immediately know they are a twin flame.  This was the case for me.  I have resisted this label personally because twin flames are rare.  I will not talk about anything that I have not learned or experienced, and I will only talk about the things I understand. It has been quite a lot over the journey of 6 soul mates and a twin flame.  Every twin flame situation is different.  So see this article as part of my personal process.  I will be speaking much more on twin flames so stay tuned!!!


While a lot has been written on the subject of soul mates, and it is generally a concept more in the mainstream (although in my opinion, the mainstream take on it is largely misunderstood), the concept of twin flames is more prominent with the “new age” crowd.  Although, as you can grasp from Elizabeth Claire Prophet’s work, the concept itself is much older, going back to Plato, at least.  That being said, there is a fair amount of information out there, particularly on the internet. There are plenty of sites run by those who identify as twin flames, message boards, Facebook groups, and the like. But unless you fly the new age sky, you are not likely to have heard about it.

The information available  is hard to prove theoretically speaking.  Like any spiritual set of ideas, there is no way to know for sure.  I think this is so important for people to understand.  We can accept what resonates and rings true for us, but any system for viewing the world is a lens through which we look, and sometimes, we are looking through that lens inside of a box.  If we don’t comprehend that, we run the risk of  “metaphysical fundamentalism, ” equally as attached to our concepts and potentially just as close-minded as any other fundamentalist–and then we really miss the larger point.  Those who identify as twin flames say that they “just know” and so the need for proof is really moot.  Intuitively, that is totally understandable, as one can’t argue with personal experience, and I would never even try.  🙂  Personal experience is what it is–relative–and meaningful in a personal way. But personal experience, also, does not necessarily make an entire theory infallible.

Much of the information on twin flames, if not historical in nature (twin flames in history and literature, etc) is channeled (claimed to have been ‘downloaded’ from a higher source than the ego,) and/or comes from those who take on the “twin flame” label.  I have nothing against either source of information as real and valid, however, the issue arises of trying to find an absolute, across the board, applicable truth in a set of  ideas that are often contradictory.   I provide all of these caveats and preludes to what I think because it is a drama-laden topic. This is an area that has caused more controversy than soul mates, and I have found in teaching it, has ruffled the most feathers and is an area where ego can run amok.  I have learned over the years of being involved with the metaphysical community that spirituality does not make one immune from egoism.  None of us really are immune from the ego’s slinky ways.  😀

Some who identify as twin flames have been sure to “school” me and seek me out, claiming that they have the real information, and they want to make sure that I don’t put out any “misinformation.” Oh, yoi.  I have not put forth any theories or information that have not already been claimed by someone else self-identifying as a twin flame. I think people should think about why twin flames contradict each other, rather than shooting the messenger for presenting the information as it stands.  What I have done is organize my thoughts based on the research I have done, people I have talked to, and added some psychological insight and critical thinking skills. Like everybody else, I have tried to sort it out because I have been through many soul mates, and was curious to find out if the twin flame category could apply to my experiences.  I have pretty much decided that it has not applied so far, but maybe even more importantly, that the distinction just does not matter that much.  Although, there is no way to know for anybody, unless they go through it.  Like a lot of things in life, maybe it is something that may be best understood in hindsight.

In any case, in my teachings on the subject, including what has been taught in Lily Dale, I am very careful to note when ideas are theories and when I am talking about patterns in people’s experiences.  There is a difference.

As usual though, I wonder about what exactly can be considered the “real information.”  I certainly don’t claim to have THE answers.  But I do think I have some good questions.  Here is one example.  It has been written in a few sources (mainly channeled) that there are only 144 twin flame pairs in existence on the planet currently.  This is the kind of thing you can’t prove, unless you are taking a poll and doing some very serious research.  How otherwise, would one know for sure that there are, exactly, 144?  Just where does this number come from?  Part of my point is–well, that’s interesting, but, does it really matter?

It is touchy, because many twin flames teach that it is a rare phenomenon (and I tend to agree,) while everyone having a deep and transformative soul connection experience would like to think that they have found their twin flame.  There is a reason for this, and many people may not like to hear it, but there is an unspoken assumption that twin flames are the creme de la creme of relationships, the ultimate union, and as such, destined and almost mandated, to reunite and complete their mission.  Therefore, everyone wants to fit themselves into this label.

Because, I think, of the misinterpretation of soul mates in mainstream culture, soul mates and twin flames are quite romanticized, twin flames to an even higher degree.  I was guilty of this fallacy myself, as I have been through many soul mates, and each one could have qualified for the beginning stages of a twin flame connection.  You can have some very powerful and profound soul mate connections that are very easy to assign a twin flame label to.  In some of my classes people have just been mortified to find out that their relationship did not fit the common descriptors for a twin flame, so they would be very upset with me for presenting the ideas.  Some are quite obviously, and understandably, very attached to their label.  While it is not my job to personally confirm or deny anything, I think that if twin flames truly exist, they are rare, and most people, by and large, are having soul mate experiences.  That does not make them any less important, though.

Like everyone else, I wanted to make my situation fit into this label, because if I did, I could be told by an innumerable number of message boards and psychics  that all I had to do was just work on myself, and my twin flame situation would come to a reunion stage, because that is the twin flame destiny for us all.  In fact, I have been told just that by people who identify as twin flames and claim to be able to diagnose the situation for others.  You can probably see why at this point, everyone has a desire to be one. However, saying that the end result of a relationship depends entirely upon one’s own ability to “ascend” may also put too much guilt and responsibility on those who may not have total control over the relationship’s outcome.  This could be one of those instances of new age guilt (you control your reality, so if your reality sucks, well then, so do you.) I think a lot depends on your ability to grow, but it takes two free will beings to tango, do the work required, and grow together.  It may also be worth noting to try to take information from others with a grain of salt. They may be projecting their own desires, or ego, on to you, which is not helpful.  To paraphrase Buddha, examine things for yourself, not because someone (even the Buddha) told you so.

Because of the wide variation of information on the internet, every site has their own set of qualifiers for both soul mates and twin flames. (I have listed my own set as well, in another post.)  They of course, all vary from site to site and person to person.  However, there are many similarities between soul mates and twin flames.  That is not to say that other’s lists of signs are not valid, but I have not separated these “signs” into a separate twin flame and soul mate list.  Why not?  Because the information varies.  Something that one person calls a soul mate another person calls a twin flame.  You can have soul mate signs that are very much like twin flame signs.  I do think we in the new age and spiritual community, love to put names and labels on things.

One thing I can say for absolute certain, based on personal experience and other people’s personal experience, is that these signs and symptoms of what I will call more broadly, “soul connections,” are in fact very real, meaningful, and spiritual in terms of how they create circumstances that grow the soul.  From what I have observed, and experienced personally, this issue with labels has created a whole lot of drama and there are many problems and unhealthy situations that come from drawing a hard line in the soul connection sand.  I really have hesitated in putting this post out and making the distinction between the two, because many people will read this, assign the twin flame label, and then proceed to self justify a whole slew of unhealthy things, in the name of the Twin Flame. I don’t want to encourage that.

There is a general undercurrent of hot debate (though clothed in polite language, usually) within the new age community about who is and who is not a twin flame, who is the “real deal,” who is fake, who has the right information, who is wrong, and it is enough to make anyone’s head spin right off. According to some people, I have no right to write about it or teach about it, since I am not one (but then, how do they know?)   Not to mention, there is channeled information that contradicts other channeled information, and twin flames contradict other twin flames.

So what is one supposed to think?

Do I believe twin flames are real?  I believe that there are experiences of real people who seem to fit a pattern that one can definitely categorize as a soul connection, and you can call it a twin flame if you want.  As I say about soul mates, what matters are people’s experiences, and if there are any patterns to be found, and if so, what can we learn from that? It appears to be similar to soul mates with some additional differences. In general, I refer to any soul connections (soul mates, twin flames) as soul connections mostly because I feel that what can be learned from them is, on a the scale of spiritual lessons, still relatively similar. And, I sense, that putting labels on things can cause some major problems, as I said repeatedly at this point.

So what are twin flames?  Here comes the theoretical part.  The prevailing theory is that you have only one (which is now on message boards, very hotly debated) and they are, basically, the other half of your soul.  Going back to the creation of the universe, which we can somewhat verify within at least a few seconds of the big bang, we all started (everything started) as a very dense speck of matter and energy, which then expanded into galaxies, planets, lifeforms and, also–souls and soul groups or families.  Those in your soul group or soul family are closer to you from the moment of creation.  These would include your soul mates.  So the theory is that a twin flame is that spark of you, your soul, that then split off into another entity.  It is still you, but another part of you, your compliment, and some ways, your opposite.

As we operate in a world of duality (left/right, male/female, dark/light), it is thought that there is a predominately masculine and a predominately feminine aspect of yourself that has split into two (bodies, if both are incarnated,  or just souls , if one happens to not be incarnated at the same time as you.)  Some people think most people’s twins are not incarnated, but are helping from the other side.  (Who knows? But I do know people claim to have met their twin flames in a body.)  Your twin flame can be thought of as your closest soul mate or member of your soul family, so close in fact, that they ARE you.  (I think, though, that since we all came from that little speck, we are all really one, but maybe because we feel so bonded to our soul connections, it is easier to realize this with them.)  Theoretically, one purpose of twin flames is an attempt to unify the masculine and feminine energies of your soul.  That is why, theoretically, you are supposed to be in your last lifetime on earth when you meet your twin, to integrate that aspect of yourself back into your soul, which then, will re-unite with the Godhead, never to re-incarnate again, as you have become fully integrated and whole as a soul.  Many twin flame lessons, from people’s experiences, do seem to be about balancing the male and female polarities within themselves.  As I said, I can’t prove this, so it remains, at least to me…theory.

But you can see how, anyone’s ego would love to jump on this bandwagon, no?  So they can say that they are the true and real authority on twin flames (since there are so few, they are special.)  And that, they are so advanced, that this is their last lifetime on earth and they are here to teach the rest of us folks who just don’t get it.  As a student of psychology, I can definitely see how this COULD be co-opted by an ego for various reasons.  But to be fair, so could any other new age concept.

I am interested in the experiences of those who identify as twin flames, though.  And there do seem to be some additional patterns that I think are rare, because you don’t see them very often. To give you an idea, I have been counseling people since 2007.  I have talked to thousands of people.  I believe I have really met only ONE (as my client) who seems to fit the distinction.  I have a vague idea that some others I know are also twin flames, but we have never had an extensive conversation about it.  I am going to have this person do a guest blog entry, to give you an idea of what this experience is like.  It is in part because I have witnessed this experience that I feel that there is any distinction to be made at all.

Generally, many of the symptoms of soul mates can be carried over to twin flames, and I have talked about those things elsewhere in my posts.  People seem to agree that these signs are similar but more intense than soul mates.  In addition, there will be a feeling that the person is YOU–not similar to you, but IS YOU.  There is a recognition of oneness that is uncanny, although you are likely to be very different from one another in some key areas such as (age, culture, race, religion, etc.)  One of the key factors is that twin flames are here to accomplish a mission together.  This mission is not just the relationship.  It has to do with life purpose, and is generally spiritual, humanitarian, or contributes greatly to an area of society.  The relationship is not just about personal growth as soul mates are, it is about personal transformation that is meant to achieve something, and that contribution is more than the sum of its parts.  Examples would be, starting a spiritual center together, creating music together, contributing to the scientific field, etc.  Twin flames deepen your spiritual purpose on this planet.  So, new or young souls have probably not met their twin yet, as the theory goes.  You will meet your twin flame when you are already on a spiritual path, and it is likely, you have already had a few soul mates, with increasing lessons of difficulty to prepare you for the twin flame experience.

It can also be said that sexuality is a powerful element with twin flames, after all, we are talking about uniting the Self/Soul and bringing together the male and female energies.  🙂  It is debated, for reasons I know not, about whether twin flames have to be a male and female pair.  Some people say twin flames are never of the same physical sex.  Since I have been well schooled in the areas of gender identity and knowing that you cannot exclusively assign “masculine” and “feminine” to “male” and “female,” respectively, I have my doubts that it HAS to be that way.  But in any case, people describe a complete “soul merging” experience, whereby their chakras and energies are merged.  From what I understand, this can take some time as the energies learn to integrate.  Powerful sexuality between twin flames can be jointly channeled towards personal and collective healing goals.
There are some other patterns and similarities.  Many twin flames have very large age differences, as much as 40 or more years, which definitely can complicate matters.  As mentioned, many twin flames are separated by vastly different cultures, racial backgrounds, and even continents.  This could be understood as an attempt to integrate and unify a more extreme set of differences, in that way, twin flames are great examples for the rest of humanity that has generally not learned how to love people who are so different from them.  Many twin flame’s contributions to society stem from a dual talent in science (left-brained twins,) the arts (right-brained twins, to simplify greatly,) or in the spiritual contributions.  Talents and abilities can be different also, but are  usually complimentary.
Psychics and twin flames themselves note seeing a golden light or aura with their twins or in situations involving their twin, also I have heard there is an infinity symbol connecting the two flames energetically, although I have never seen such a thing personally.  Some twins describe a process whereby they feel their DNA is fusing with the DNA of their twin.
One of the biggest issues though, when it comes to labels, is that people truly feel that if they are in a twin flame situation, they are destined to be with their twin flame, and that is what makes it very special and distinguishable from soul mates.  One teacher has propagated what I think is a very unhealthy expectation, that all twin flames would be re-united (in the physical world) by December 21, 2012.  That leaves everyone who did not re-unite with their twin in one heck of a quandary, no? What, did all the twin flames get “left behind?”  (bad joke.)
Truly, in this whole soul mate and twin flame debate, who is who and which is which, I think the labels have created a lot of the problems for people.  Some people will be with their twin flame or soul mate, some people won’t, at least that is how it appears to me, for all the reasons and growth lessons  involved with why things turn out the way they do.  I think a lot more needs to be written and the focus needs to be on what people are learning from these experiences, rather than who is right and who is wrong, and getting very attached and hung up on labels, in addition to expectations of eternal togetherness.  How are people growing from these experiences, how do people cope, and perhaps very importantly, what is healthy?  Because twin flame, soul mate, twin ray, or not, how can we handle the situations we find ourselves in, in the best, most healthy way?  How can we see that these kinds of relationships are meant for our betterment?
So, to me, the distinction doesn’t matter so much anymore, trying to place a set of ideas on a personal experience and expecting the outcome that we think is best, is not healthy for anybody, except, maybe the ego.   With all of these situations, we are learning how to love, but I think we often forget, we are also learning how to love ourselves.  I don’t think loving ourselves entails torturing ourselves with relationships that are not healthy for us.  As spiritual people, we all really do need to look at ourselves.  We can’t justify doing things such as, deliberately breaking up another relationship that our soul connection is having, because we are so advanced and so therefore, we must “teach them a lesson.”  We can’t justify holding on so tightly to the idea of reunion that we rob ourselves of our own ability to be happy in the here and now.  We can’t justify abuse and bad behavior from someone because they are our “twin flame.”  As far as I see it, if you are trying to help other people through these relationships, you have to help them deal with the reality of their connection in the NOW.  Yes, soul connections are special, and we learn a great deal from them, whether we are with them or not, now–or in the future.  So ask yourself, what you are learning about yourself?  And are you learning how to love yourself and other people?  In the end, I think that is what truly, truly, matters.  And all relationships are in the business of teaching us just that.  Soul connections just amplify this point.  😀

Meditation, Intimacy, and Isolation

Cultivating a meditation practice can create intimacy and connection or isolation if it is used in an unhealthy way. When we begin to awaken through meditation, it has an effect on all of our relationships, because we are beginning to change our own self-concepts. Realizing the ground of our being beyond the ego, typically we become more aware of the interconnected nature of humanity. We become aware that this ground of being supports all life, and this creates reverence for all of life in our hearts—beyond those that we love to those that we are more indifferent towards, towards other species, and potentially even those who have hurt us. This can bring a great capacity for love, empathy, compassion, and forgiveness to our lives. Relating to others with a greater sense of respect and recognizing their inner nature as divinity, we are better equipped to deal with relational challenges that stem from our differences.

Paradoxically, meditation can also help us to develop a degree of detachment in the form of spaciousness. Recognizing that there is an unchangeable, eternal nature to reality, we can be more likely to accept the nature of our emotions, thoughts, and sensations without becoming completely overwhelmed or unconsciously controlled by them. Typically a regular meditation practice helps to sustain emotional regulation and can lessen our tendency to dwell on negative emotions or thoughts. My experience is that meditation can create more room for joy, and reveals love at the base of all phenomena. Meditation has a way of taking us out of our heads and into our hearts. Mindfulness can help us to learn to sit with what is in a state of acceptance that can bring greater insight and understanding of ourselves as well as others. We may realize that any harm that we do to another, is harm done to ourselves, and vice-versa.

However, it is possible to use a meditation practice, or any spiritual thought or discipline, to serve our own ego’s fears. We may have a conscious or unconscious intent to escape our own shadow sides and that of others and may feel that meditation can help us do that. Or we may use our practice to glorify ourselves as “spiritual” beings on a higher plane than our fellow humans. In these examples meditation could be very isolating.

If we become very identified with transcendent awareness to the extent of losing touch with our ego and its contents we run the risk of disconnection with ourselves, our own lives, and with others. It is possible that our negative behaviors towards others and our deeply engrained ego patterns could become dominant if we give them less attention. Or we may use our practice to shirk away from a world that we are afraid of becoming too attached to because of its impermanence. We might not want to deal with our feelings, make difficult choices or changes, or become aware of our responsibilities towards all of life. In my experience, however, a regular practice can make it difficult to do this, as it makes one more aware in general rather than less aware of oneself as well as others.

Meditation as a spiritual practice has great potential to intimately connect us to the great web of life and to live a life of greater harmony in relationship to others. But it also brings many challenges that require us to honestly examine ourselves, our fears, our desires, and our behaviors. As long as we meet these challenges with mindfulness and compassion for ourselves, we are able to benefit through the strengthening as well as the transcendence of our egos.