Newsletter–The Illusion of Security

Here’s a snippet of this week’s newsletter:

Ok, this subject I am passionate about.  There is no such thing as genuine security in 3D reality.  The only, true, everlasting security is to be found in love, Source creative energy, God, the one, the foundation of all.  So the security we think we are going to find in material things, in accumulation and hoarding of anything, in our own physical bodies, in other people, in clinging to any situation as permanent, is simply not there.  So why are we trying so hard to chase after something that is not there?  I think it is because we are living in the egoic illusion that we are separate from God.  The security that we seek in all of the wrong places is our seeking for that realization of oneness with our creator.  Resolving to have that realization is the smartest and wisest investment you will ever make, and it makes a huge difference to how you relate to the 3D world.
Take a look around, everything is in a state of flux and change.  Flowing with that force and not against it is also wise.  So what are we doing when we are worried about security? We do things that we don’t want to do, in order to feel secure.  We don’t do things we want to do out of fear that we won’t be secure.  We don’t take chances or risks, because we think we have security and we are going to lose that.  We don’t make changes that we know we need to make.  We stay in a state of inertia, afraid to make a move and listen to our intuition.  We stagnate, we slow down to a crawl, and we become lifeless.  Our existence becomes determined by our fears.  Safety never created anything.  And safety is an illusion.  Everything you have accumulated you cannot take with you.  Your physical body is going.  The only thing that you take with you is whatever you have created in your heart and soul, and that never happened because you stayed in your comfort zone.  It happened because you realized who you are, what you can do, and you went out and did it.
Read the rest here and have a most fantastical, risky, love filled day! 😀

Tactics of Escape: Spiritual Bypass

Often when we have a lack of acceptance in the conditions of our life, the challenges we face, the emotions we don’t want to feel, the reality we don’t want to see, the healing on ourselves we don’t want to do….we face the temptation of spiritual bypass.

Spiritual bypass is a tactic of escape.  And one that does not work, really, because ultimately if we are truly doing spiritual work on ourselves, the truth always comes out.  The feelings always come up.  The issues become exposed and the dirty laundry is aired, at least to yourself 🙂 But instead of welcoming the clearing or healing process, we think we are making a mistake, because we don’t “feel good.”  This is where spiritual maturity comes in.  We are spiritually mature when we understand that we do not need to constantly chase down the “feel good” feelings.  That no matter what is happening, we are always connected to Source, pain and all, and that we can handle facing the reality of our lives rather than escaping.  And we connect to whatever help we may need in doing that.

All true change comes first through acceptance and awareness of what is happening NOW.  Spiritual denial occurs when we try to use spiritual practices, spiritual principles which are mental ideas or constructs, to deny and avoid our human experience, our pain, our issues, our emotions, our past, etc.  An example might be not “allowing” emotions to come up in meditation because we are supposed to “clear our mind of all thoughts.”  Or thinking that “anger” is not a spiritual emotion, therefore we must repress it.  Or reading spiritual books and gathering information intellectually without actually applying principles to the circumstances of your life (intellectualizing.)  Even going to many psychics until eventually the “right” answer (read: easy answer) is given.  Our egos can also get lost in our ideas of ourselves and our spiritual identity to the point where we think we are “too advanced” to make mistakes.

Spirituality is not a drink you can take or a drug you can ingest to “think positively” and keep all your real problems at bay.  It is truly a deep look at self and requires a good amount of honesty, self-evaluation, humility, and willingness to do the healing or emotional clearing work that is needed in order to grow.  That includes making changes in our lives when changes need to be made.

Have you ever wondered why some “spiritual” people are just cruel, mean, selfish, living in their head concepts and not their heart, or seem to make the same mistakes as everyone else, even with all of their book smarts, classes taken, gurus followed, daily yoga or meditation practice?  This is why….being spiritual or religious does not necessarily make one a better person or develop traits of character.  You have to be willing to have the courage to do the work that a spiritual direction CAN and really should lead you towards.  That being said let’s end this on a positive note:  if you are going through a spiritual process, awakening, healing, ego death, re-birthing, etc:  do not try to bypass what may be the difficult parts of the journey.  Welcome it as your teacher, flow with the changes Source is birthing through you, accept your humanness and imperfection, seek support so you are not alone, release the idea that you must appear to have it all together in your spiritual community, and use your spiritual tool kit as a way to support you along the path, not to bypass the beautiful journey that it is.  ❤

Soul Mates and Twin Flames: The Runner and Chaser Dynamic

Hi ya 🙂  Wanted to put together something very quickly to help people understand the dreaded, runner/chaser dynamic in soul connection relationships.  It is applicable to all soul connections and is actually more prevalent in them.

For anyone who says this does not exist or is only something a false twin flame or false connection would do, that is just not true. It does exist.

The runner and chaser are roles that occur interchangeably for each side of the connection. Usually one person will predominately run (typically the masculine energy) and other will predominately chase (typically the feminine energy)  But they can switch.  The key thing to remember is that this is largely an unconscious pattern, making it conscious and learning how to eliminate it and do NEITHER will go along way towards making progress, either in the relationship or in the personal growth of both sides.

So what is a “runner?”  Runners and chasers, really, are actually doing the same thing.  They are running away from themselves.  Runners are not running away from you.  They run away from what they see reflected back at them, through you.  They run from the things they don’t want to see, they don’t want to do, they don’t want to change, and you bring that all up for them to deal with.  They may also run from the power of unconditional love, from the intensity of the connection, but they are still only running from themselves.  What are running behaviors?  Refusal to communicate when communication is needed, cutting all ties, disappearing, denial of the connection, self-sabotage in the form of pushing you away (creating really ugly behaviors to get you to run,) running back to easy or safe relationships, running to drugs or alcohol, running…sprinting….you get the idea. 🙂

The good news is, they can run from you, temporarily, but they can’t run from themselves forever.  Issues have to be faced, truth has to come out, and it will given enough time.

The flipside to this is the chaser.  As a result of the running behaviors, the chaser freaks out and tries to chase down the runner, which of course, only makes them run more.  The chaser too, is also running away from themselves.  They are running from their own uncomfortable feelings, their pain, their hurt, their sadness, their wounding from past situations.  All things that need to be cleared in this process.  So what will the chaser do?  Hound and harass with messages, phone calls, emails, even showing up (yeah, that is a lil stalkerish….don’t do it!) Chasers demand a reply, a response, to be heard, something…anything…to ease this pain (which is really, very old pain most of the time that the runner has triggered off and has nothing to do with the runner.)

And the cycle continues….the beat goes on….roles are switched, and off we go on a merry go round of hell.  Get off the merry-go-round.  Don’t play this game.

Why?  First of all, realize what you are doing to someone you claim to love.  Both extremes are not loving.  Not to them, and not to yourself.

So, chasers…let em run!  Runners, stop running and everybody, let’s take a breath and stand still for a few minutes, hours, days, months, whatever it takes. Then quit pointing fingers and laying blame, and turn within and look deeeeepp, within yourself. What is there?

1.) Love for yourself and the other person, so let’s do our best to act like it.

2)  Pain that is your very own that you can clear on your own, that the other person is not responsible for.  Pain from all the times you have ran, and everything you are running from. Pain, from all the times you have chased in order not to feel pain that has built up for years.

Now, feel it to heal it.  You don’t need to run, you don’t need to chase. You can survive this. It is love, after all 🙂  This is the point when two people grow up and start facing their issues.  The swords are put down.  You take care of your own needs.  You release your demands.  You free yourself. And you do what this connection was meant for you to do—take a look at yourself and GROW. Never mind the relationship. Forget it for now.  Focus on you.

Best advice ever–focus on you.  🙂

Twin Flames 101

2015 edit please read: This is an older post–2 years ago. Like anyone who is changing and growing, my views on twin flames in particular has evolved from this article. I am leaving it up though as additional food for thought rather than editing it.  Many twin flame teachers express that the info out there on twin flames is old, I tend to concur….but I will hold to this also: In order to really understand twin flames, you have to be one.  Not just that though, you have to KNOW you are one.  I am one.  I know I am one.  So I am not saying at any point that I question its reality or validity–I don’t.

But because in the beginning many soul connections can be similar, even those who have been through soul mates before do not immediately know they are a twin flame.  This was the case for me.  I have resisted this label personally because twin flames are rare.  I will not talk about anything that I have not learned or experienced, and I will only talk about the things I understand. It has been quite a lot over the journey of 6 soul mates and a twin flame.  Every twin flame situation is different.  So see this article as part of my personal process.  I will be speaking much more on twin flames so stay tuned!!!


While a lot has been written on the subject of soul mates, and it is generally a concept more in the mainstream (although in my opinion, the mainstream take on it is largely misunderstood), the concept of twin flames is more prominent with the “new age” crowd.  Although, as you can grasp from Elizabeth Claire Prophet’s work, the concept itself is much older, going back to Plato, at least.  That being said, there is a fair amount of information out there, particularly on the internet. There are plenty of sites run by those who identify as twin flames, message boards, Facebook groups, and the like. But unless you fly the new age sky, you are not likely to have heard about it.

The information available  is hard to prove theoretically speaking.  Like any spiritual set of ideas, there is no way to know for sure.  I think this is so important for people to understand.  We can accept what resonates and rings true for us, but any system for viewing the world is a lens through which we look, and sometimes, we are looking through that lens inside of a box.  If we don’t comprehend that, we run the risk of  “metaphysical fundamentalism, ” equally as attached to our concepts and potentially just as close-minded as any other fundamentalist–and then we really miss the larger point.  Those who identify as twin flames say that they “just know” and so the need for proof is really moot.  Intuitively, that is totally understandable, as one can’t argue with personal experience, and I would never even try.  🙂  Personal experience is what it is–relative–and meaningful in a personal way. But personal experience, also, does not necessarily make an entire theory infallible.

Much of the information on twin flames, if not historical in nature (twin flames in history and literature, etc) is channeled (claimed to have been ‘downloaded’ from a higher source than the ego,) and/or comes from those who take on the “twin flame” label.  I have nothing against either source of information as real and valid, however, the issue arises of trying to find an absolute, across the board, applicable truth in a set of  ideas that are often contradictory.   I provide all of these caveats and preludes to what I think because it is a drama-laden topic. This is an area that has caused more controversy than soul mates, and I have found in teaching it, has ruffled the most feathers and is an area where ego can run amok.  I have learned over the years of being involved with the metaphysical community that spirituality does not make one immune from egoism.  None of us really are immune from the ego’s slinky ways.  😀

Some who identify as twin flames have been sure to “school” me and seek me out, claiming that they have the real information, and they want to make sure that I don’t put out any “misinformation.” Oh, yoi.  I have not put forth any theories or information that have not already been claimed by someone else self-identifying as a twin flame. I think people should think about why twin flames contradict each other, rather than shooting the messenger for presenting the information as it stands.  What I have done is organize my thoughts based on the research I have done, people I have talked to, and added some psychological insight and critical thinking skills. Like everybody else, I have tried to sort it out because I have been through many soul mates, and was curious to find out if the twin flame category could apply to my experiences.  I have pretty much decided that it has not applied so far, but maybe even more importantly, that the distinction just does not matter that much.  Although, there is no way to know for anybody, unless they go through it.  Like a lot of things in life, maybe it is something that may be best understood in hindsight.

In any case, in my teachings on the subject, including what has been taught in Lily Dale, I am very careful to note when ideas are theories and when I am talking about patterns in people’s experiences.  There is a difference.

As usual though, I wonder about what exactly can be considered the “real information.”  I certainly don’t claim to have THE answers.  But I do think I have some good questions.  Here is one example.  It has been written in a few sources (mainly channeled) that there are only 144 twin flame pairs in existence on the planet currently.  This is the kind of thing you can’t prove, unless you are taking a poll and doing some very serious research.  How otherwise, would one know for sure that there are, exactly, 144?  Just where does this number come from?  Part of my point is–well, that’s interesting, but, does it really matter?

It is touchy, because many twin flames teach that it is a rare phenomenon (and I tend to agree,) while everyone having a deep and transformative soul connection experience would like to think that they have found their twin flame.  There is a reason for this, and many people may not like to hear it, but there is an unspoken assumption that twin flames are the creme de la creme of relationships, the ultimate union, and as such, destined and almost mandated, to reunite and complete their mission.  Therefore, everyone wants to fit themselves into this label.

Because, I think, of the misinterpretation of soul mates in mainstream culture, soul mates and twin flames are quite romanticized, twin flames to an even higher degree.  I was guilty of this fallacy myself, as I have been through many soul mates, and each one could have qualified for the beginning stages of a twin flame connection.  You can have some very powerful and profound soul mate connections that are very easy to assign a twin flame label to.  In some of my classes people have just been mortified to find out that their relationship did not fit the common descriptors for a twin flame, so they would be very upset with me for presenting the ideas.  Some are quite obviously, and understandably, very attached to their label.  While it is not my job to personally confirm or deny anything, I think that if twin flames truly exist, they are rare, and most people, by and large, are having soul mate experiences.  That does not make them any less important, though.

Like everyone else, I wanted to make my situation fit into this label, because if I did, I could be told by an innumerable number of message boards and psychics  that all I had to do was just work on myself, and my twin flame situation would come to a reunion stage, because that is the twin flame destiny for us all.  In fact, I have been told just that by people who identify as twin flames and claim to be able to diagnose the situation for others.  You can probably see why at this point, everyone has a desire to be one. However, saying that the end result of a relationship depends entirely upon one’s own ability to “ascend” may also put too much guilt and responsibility on those who may not have total control over the relationship’s outcome.  This could be one of those instances of new age guilt (you control your reality, so if your reality sucks, well then, so do you.) I think a lot depends on your ability to grow, but it takes two free will beings to tango, do the work required, and grow together.  It may also be worth noting to try to take information from others with a grain of salt. They may be projecting their own desires, or ego, on to you, which is not helpful.  To paraphrase Buddha, examine things for yourself, not because someone (even the Buddha) told you so.

Because of the wide variation of information on the internet, every site has their own set of qualifiers for both soul mates and twin flames. (I have listed my own set as well, in another post.)  They of course, all vary from site to site and person to person.  However, there are many similarities between soul mates and twin flames.  That is not to say that other’s lists of signs are not valid, but I have not separated these “signs” into a separate twin flame and soul mate list.  Why not?  Because the information varies.  Something that one person calls a soul mate another person calls a twin flame.  You can have soul mate signs that are very much like twin flame signs.  I do think we in the new age and spiritual community, love to put names and labels on things.

One thing I can say for absolute certain, based on personal experience and other people’s personal experience, is that these signs and symptoms of what I will call more broadly, “soul connections,” are in fact very real, meaningful, and spiritual in terms of how they create circumstances that grow the soul.  From what I have observed, and experienced personally, this issue with labels has created a whole lot of drama and there are many problems and unhealthy situations that come from drawing a hard line in the soul connection sand.  I really have hesitated in putting this post out and making the distinction between the two, because many people will read this, assign the twin flame label, and then proceed to self justify a whole slew of unhealthy things, in the name of the Twin Flame. I don’t want to encourage that.

There is a general undercurrent of hot debate (though clothed in polite language, usually) within the new age community about who is and who is not a twin flame, who is the “real deal,” who is fake, who has the right information, who is wrong, and it is enough to make anyone’s head spin right off. According to some people, I have no right to write about it or teach about it, since I am not one (but then, how do they know?)   Not to mention, there is channeled information that contradicts other channeled information, and twin flames contradict other twin flames.

So what is one supposed to think?

Do I believe twin flames are real?  I believe that there are experiences of real people who seem to fit a pattern that one can definitely categorize as a soul connection, and you can call it a twin flame if you want.  As I say about soul mates, what matters are people’s experiences, and if there are any patterns to be found, and if so, what can we learn from that? It appears to be similar to soul mates with some additional differences. In general, I refer to any soul connections (soul mates, twin flames) as soul connections mostly because I feel that what can be learned from them is, on a the scale of spiritual lessons, still relatively similar. And, I sense, that putting labels on things can cause some major problems, as I said repeatedly at this point.

So what are twin flames?  Here comes the theoretical part.  The prevailing theory is that you have only one (which is now on message boards, very hotly debated) and they are, basically, the other half of your soul.  Going back to the creation of the universe, which we can somewhat verify within at least a few seconds of the big bang, we all started (everything started) as a very dense speck of matter and energy, which then expanded into galaxies, planets, lifeforms and, also–souls and soul groups or families.  Those in your soul group or soul family are closer to you from the moment of creation.  These would include your soul mates.  So the theory is that a twin flame is that spark of you, your soul, that then split off into another entity.  It is still you, but another part of you, your compliment, and some ways, your opposite.

As we operate in a world of duality (left/right, male/female, dark/light), it is thought that there is a predominately masculine and a predominately feminine aspect of yourself that has split into two (bodies, if both are incarnated,  or just souls , if one happens to not be incarnated at the same time as you.)  Some people think most people’s twins are not incarnated, but are helping from the other side.  (Who knows? But I do know people claim to have met their twin flames in a body.)  Your twin flame can be thought of as your closest soul mate or member of your soul family, so close in fact, that they ARE you.  (I think, though, that since we all came from that little speck, we are all really one, but maybe because we feel so bonded to our soul connections, it is easier to realize this with them.)  Theoretically, one purpose of twin flames is an attempt to unify the masculine and feminine energies of your soul.  That is why, theoretically, you are supposed to be in your last lifetime on earth when you meet your twin, to integrate that aspect of yourself back into your soul, which then, will re-unite with the Godhead, never to re-incarnate again, as you have become fully integrated and whole as a soul.  Many twin flame lessons, from people’s experiences, do seem to be about balancing the male and female polarities within themselves.  As I said, I can’t prove this, so it remains, at least to me…theory.

But you can see how, anyone’s ego would love to jump on this bandwagon, no?  So they can say that they are the true and real authority on twin flames (since there are so few, they are special.)  And that, they are so advanced, that this is their last lifetime on earth and they are here to teach the rest of us folks who just don’t get it.  As a student of psychology, I can definitely see how this COULD be co-opted by an ego for various reasons.  But to be fair, so could any other new age concept.

I am interested in the experiences of those who identify as twin flames, though.  And there do seem to be some additional patterns that I think are rare, because you don’t see them very often. To give you an idea, I have been counseling people since 2007.  I have talked to thousands of people.  I believe I have really met only ONE (as my client) who seems to fit the distinction.  I have a vague idea that some others I know are also twin flames, but we have never had an extensive conversation about it.  I am going to have this person do a guest blog entry, to give you an idea of what this experience is like.  It is in part because I have witnessed this experience that I feel that there is any distinction to be made at all.

Generally, many of the symptoms of soul mates can be carried over to twin flames, and I have talked about those things elsewhere in my posts.  People seem to agree that these signs are similar but more intense than soul mates.  In addition, there will be a feeling that the person is YOU–not similar to you, but IS YOU.  There is a recognition of oneness that is uncanny, although you are likely to be very different from one another in some key areas such as (age, culture, race, religion, etc.)  One of the key factors is that twin flames are here to accomplish a mission together.  This mission is not just the relationship.  It has to do with life purpose, and is generally spiritual, humanitarian, or contributes greatly to an area of society.  The relationship is not just about personal growth as soul mates are, it is about personal transformation that is meant to achieve something, and that contribution is more than the sum of its parts.  Examples would be, starting a spiritual center together, creating music together, contributing to the scientific field, etc.  Twin flames deepen your spiritual purpose on this planet.  So, new or young souls have probably not met their twin yet, as the theory goes.  You will meet your twin flame when you are already on a spiritual path, and it is likely, you have already had a few soul mates, with increasing lessons of difficulty to prepare you for the twin flame experience.

It can also be said that sexuality is a powerful element with twin flames, after all, we are talking about uniting the Self/Soul and bringing together the male and female energies.  🙂  It is debated, for reasons I know not, about whether twin flames have to be a male and female pair.  Some people say twin flames are never of the same physical sex.  Since I have been well schooled in the areas of gender identity and knowing that you cannot exclusively assign “masculine” and “feminine” to “male” and “female,” respectively, I have my doubts that it HAS to be that way.  But in any case, people describe a complete “soul merging” experience, whereby their chakras and energies are merged.  From what I understand, this can take some time as the energies learn to integrate.  Powerful sexuality between twin flames can be jointly channeled towards personal and collective healing goals.
There are some other patterns and similarities.  Many twin flames have very large age differences, as much as 40 or more years, which definitely can complicate matters.  As mentioned, many twin flames are separated by vastly different cultures, racial backgrounds, and even continents.  This could be understood as an attempt to integrate and unify a more extreme set of differences, in that way, twin flames are great examples for the rest of humanity that has generally not learned how to love people who are so different from them.  Many twin flame’s contributions to society stem from a dual talent in science (left-brained twins,) the arts (right-brained twins, to simplify greatly,) or in the spiritual contributions.  Talents and abilities can be different also, but are  usually complimentary.
Psychics and twin flames themselves note seeing a golden light or aura with their twins or in situations involving their twin, also I have heard there is an infinity symbol connecting the two flames energetically, although I have never seen such a thing personally.  Some twins describe a process whereby they feel their DNA is fusing with the DNA of their twin.
One of the biggest issues though, when it comes to labels, is that people truly feel that if they are in a twin flame situation, they are destined to be with their twin flame, and that is what makes it very special and distinguishable from soul mates.  One teacher has propagated what I think is a very unhealthy expectation, that all twin flames would be re-united (in the physical world) by December 21, 2012.  That leaves everyone who did not re-unite with their twin in one heck of a quandary, no? What, did all the twin flames get “left behind?”  (bad joke.)
Truly, in this whole soul mate and twin flame debate, who is who and which is which, I think the labels have created a lot of the problems for people.  Some people will be with their twin flame or soul mate, some people won’t, at least that is how it appears to me, for all the reasons and growth lessons  involved with why things turn out the way they do.  I think a lot more needs to be written and the focus needs to be on what people are learning from these experiences, rather than who is right and who is wrong, and getting very attached and hung up on labels, in addition to expectations of eternal togetherness.  How are people growing from these experiences, how do people cope, and perhaps very importantly, what is healthy?  Because twin flame, soul mate, twin ray, or not, how can we handle the situations we find ourselves in, in the best, most healthy way?  How can we see that these kinds of relationships are meant for our betterment?
So, to me, the distinction doesn’t matter so much anymore, trying to place a set of ideas on a personal experience and expecting the outcome that we think is best, is not healthy for anybody, except, maybe the ego.   With all of these situations, we are learning how to love, but I think we often forget, we are also learning how to love ourselves.  I don’t think loving ourselves entails torturing ourselves with relationships that are not healthy for us.  As spiritual people, we all really do need to look at ourselves.  We can’t justify doing things such as, deliberately breaking up another relationship that our soul connection is having, because we are so advanced and so therefore, we must “teach them a lesson.”  We can’t justify holding on so tightly to the idea of reunion that we rob ourselves of our own ability to be happy in the here and now.  We can’t justify abuse and bad behavior from someone because they are our “twin flame.”  As far as I see it, if you are trying to help other people through these relationships, you have to help them deal with the reality of their connection in the NOW.  Yes, soul connections are special, and we learn a great deal from them, whether we are with them or not, now–or in the future.  So ask yourself, what you are learning about yourself?  And are you learning how to love yourself and other people?  In the end, I think that is what truly, truly, matters.  And all relationships are in the business of teaching us just that.  Soul connections just amplify this point.  😀