Cultivating Forgiveness and Compassion Webinar!

Cultivating Forgiveness and Compassion Webinar

Wednesday, February 3, 2016

8:00 PM – 9:30 PM EST

Everyone knows it is so much easier and helpful to forgive when we are able to understand and be compassionate. In the Buddhist view, real love can only come from forgiveness and compassion. But how? How can we forgive and release our negative emotions about ourselves and others? If you want more peace in your life, and to deepen your understanding of these spiritual virtues, or you are having a hard time forgiving or letting go of hurt, this talk is for you!


If you are not available for the live stream, you will have access to the recording.

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Soul Mates and Twin Flames: The Runner and Chaser Dynamic

Hi ya ūüôā ¬†Wanted to put together something very quickly to help people understand the dreaded, runner/chaser dynamic in soul connection relationships. ¬†It is applicable to all soul connections and is actually more prevalent in them.

For anyone who says this does not exist or is only something a false twin flame or false connection would do, that is just not true. It does exist.

The runner and chaser are roles that occur interchangeably for each side of the connection. Usually one person will predominately run (typically the masculine energy) and other will predominately chase (typically the feminine energy)  But they can switch.  The key thing to remember is that this is largely an unconscious pattern, making it conscious and learning how to eliminate it and do NEITHER will go along way towards making progress, either in the relationship or in the personal growth of both sides.

So what is a “runner?” ¬†Runners and chasers, really, are actually doing the same thing. ¬†They are running away from themselves. ¬†Runners are not running away from you. ¬†They run away from what they see reflected back at them, through you. ¬†They run from the things they don’t want to see, they don’t want to do, they don’t want to change, and you bring that all up for them to deal with. ¬†They may also run from the power of unconditional love, from the intensity of the connection, but they are still only running from themselves. ¬†What are running behaviors? ¬†Refusal to communicate when communication is needed, cutting all ties, disappearing, denial of the connection, self-sabotage in the form of pushing you away (creating really ugly behaviors to get you to run,) running back to easy or safe relationships, running to drugs or alcohol, running…sprinting….you get the idea. ūüôā

The good news is, they can run from you, temporarily, but they can’t run from themselves forever. ¬†Issues have to be faced, truth has to come out, and it will given enough time.

The flipside to this is the chaser. ¬†As a result of the running behaviors, the chaser freaks out and tries to chase down the runner, which of course, only makes them run more. ¬†The chaser too, is also running away from themselves. ¬†They are running from their own uncomfortable feelings, their pain, their hurt, their sadness, their wounding from past situations. ¬†All things that need to be cleared in this process. ¬†So what will the chaser do? ¬†Hound and harass with messages, phone calls, emails, even showing up (yeah, that is a lil stalkerish….don’t do it!) Chasers demand a reply, a response, to be heard, something…anything…to ease this pain (which is really, very old pain most of the time that the runner has triggered off and has nothing to do with the runner.)

And the cycle continues….the beat goes on….roles are switched, and off we go on a merry go round of hell. ¬†Get off the merry-go-round. ¬†Don’t play this game.

Why?  First of all, realize what you are doing to someone you claim to love.  Both extremes are not loving.  Not to them, and not to yourself.

So, chasers…let em run! ¬†Runners, stop running and everybody, let’s take a breath and stand still for a few minutes, hours, days, months, whatever it takes. Then quit pointing fingers and laying blame, and turn within and look deeeeepp, within yourself. What is there?

1.) Love for yourself and the other person, so let’s do our best to act like it.

2)  Pain that is your very own that you can clear on your own, that the other person is not responsible for.  Pain from all the times you have ran, and everything you are running from. Pain, from all the times you have chased in order not to feel pain that has built up for years.

Now, feel it to heal it. ¬†You don’t need to run, you don’t need to chase. You can survive this. It is love, after all ūüôā ¬†This is the point when two people grow up and start facing their issues. ¬†The swords are put down. ¬†You take care of your own needs. ¬†You release your demands. ¬†You free yourself. And you do what this connection was meant for you to do—take a look at yourself and GROW. Never mind the relationship. Forget it for now. ¬†Focus on you.

Best advice ever–focus on you. ¬†ūüôā

Radical Forgiveness

Who is not drawn towards working with forgiveness?  I think most of us have a lot of people to forgive and not doing so most certainly disrupts health and happiness (causing depression, migraines, etc.) Sometimes reaching a state where forgiveness needs to happen because of the ill effects of not doing so pushes the process forward.

One method I find useful is the audio series Radical Forgiveness based on the book by the same name authored by Colin Tipping.¬† I realized that his prescription is very much a cognitive exercise in re-training the brain to re-conceptualize the grievance story told by the ego and realize that this story is in fact, much larger than this.¬† What I like most about this approach is the spiritual understanding or acceptance that the situation has greater meaning at a soul level, in addition to understanding the differing perspectives of the one who has caused the hurt.¬† The aim of the program is to rid the forgiver of what is called ‚Äúvictim consciousness,‚ÄĚ which is very much rooted in the ego.¬† The author also recognizes that forgiveness is an energetic or soul-based shift that allows for a deep level of healing for both the forgiver and the forgivee.¬† Forgiveness is a way to empower one‚Äôs self, understanding that allowing oneself to store and hold the negative emotions is a way to keep oneself trapped‚ÄĒseparated from the peace that is possible.¬† Tipping asserts that the broader view of the situation reveals that ‚Äúnothing wrong or right ever happened,‚ÄĚ in other words, that everything happens for a reason and there are no mistakes at the spiritual level of reality.

Tipping has several re-conceptualizing steps to take in this process.¬† The first is a kind of radical acceptance of the situation as it is.¬† In actuality, it was meant to happen that way and therefore there is nothing to forgive.¬† It is important to understand that circumstances happen for soul growth and development, and not to the ego just to cause turmoil.¬† The situation should be grasped as an opportunity for learning and growth.¬† Also, a key ingredient in the process is faith.¬† It is important to give up trying to always find the reasons for everything.¬† We may not always know the reasons in a rational sense.¬† One metaphor he uses that I particularly like is a tapestry.¬† If you look at the back of the tapestry, it is a mess, with no predictable pattern.¬† But if you look at the front of the tapestry, the pattern is apparent.¬† In many cases humans are looking only at the back of the tapestry, but when life is viewed with a broad perspective, the patterns and reasons for events emerge.¬† Tipping asserts that even this can be too difficult for someone who has been traumatized, so it helps to remain open to the possibility, and be open to the miracle of things all fitting together and making sense.¬† There is a great deal of surrender in that statement.¬† Peace also has to be a choice that is made by the forgiver. I think that the work that I do helps this process by helping people to see the patterns in the “tapestry.”

I found that over the course of several weeks, working with this information and truly absorbing it is extremely challenging.¬† I‚Äôve discovered that the reason is that my ego really wants to hold on to the victim mentality for reasons that I have yet to fully understand.¬† To create the sense of separation perhaps‚ÄĒbecause if I can separate myself from those who have hurt me‚ÄĒsomehow, I can spare myself some of the pain.¬† At the soul level, however, I agree with many of Tipping‚Äôs assertions.¬† From examining my own life, I can definitely see that there are patterns, and that events do not happen randomly and with no purpose.¬† Even if it is a meaning only I have created, at least it does make some sense!

Cognitive restructuring like this takes some time, and I think it probably has its own natural timetable. ¬†I also think healing has its own natural timetable. ¬†Even by working with this material and method over the course of several weeks, complete forgiveness may not happen in that timeframe. ¬†I think one of the reasons is that the emotional component has to be worked through as well.¬† And I feel that the only way out of the negative emotions is to go through them.¬† There may not be any shortcuts.¬† I believe that my spiritual practices (such as meditation) as well as self-examination techniques such as this one, are very important for keeping perspective and helping the healing process, but I don‚Äôt think that the entire healing process is under our control.¬† I am beginning to believe that the healing process has its own organic structure, similar to the way in which Elizabeth Kubler-Ross maps out the stages of grief.¬† I have found that even despite my impatience, these feelings never seem to make the healing process go any faster.¬† In fact, when I skip steps or gloss over things, they eventually return to be dealt with at a later time.¬† I‚Äôve also noticed the cyclical nature of dealing with loss and grief‚ÄĒjust when you think you are over it, something else comes up!¬† ¬†I feel that there are great tools out there, such as Tipping‚Äôs, that can help, but ultimately the great surrender has to be to the process itself.