“The human heart feels things the eyes cannot see, and knows what the mind cannot understand” –Robert Vallett
Soul mate relationships follow a pattern and have many similarities in the their dynamics. One person’s experience is fairly relatable to other people’s experiences. I know this from going through it multiple times, and from reading, hearing about, and researching people’s experiences. That is what I find most fascinating about the topic. Plenty of people have new age theories about soul mates and twin flames, which are all interesting, but they can’t be proven. You would not expect a psychic such as myself to be skeptical, but I like to think that I can back up what I believe with personal experience and evidence. That is why I don’t go into theories in great detail in my classes on the subject. I present interesting thoughts, but I am sure to say they are theories, not facts. So, the pattern explained below is based on actual personal experiences of people who have been through the soul mate trip.
If you want to know what a soul mate is, please read Soul Mates 101. For the common signs that you have met a soul mate or twin flame (they are similar, especially at the beginning,) please read Signs of a Soul Mate or Twin Flame. Please know that when I am talking about soul mates, I am referencing a specific type of relationship. Soul mate relationships are not necessarily healthy or “good” relationships (of course, good is relative!) Because of our cultural conditioning, many people wrongly equate the term soul mate with an ideal relationship. But if you read anything worth its salt on the subject, that is not fluff, you will see that soul mates are less about things turning out exactly the way you want, and more about things turning out the way you need them to, in order to grow, as a SOUL. I will write more about what makes a spiritual partnership and a healthy relationship, as these are important, (and, what most people are really looking for,) but not necessarily the same as a soul mate.
This post is meant as an additional identifier, describing the pattern and the likely series of events so a soul mate situation can be understood for what it is, and so you understand you are not alone in this. Thousands–if not more–people are going through this right now and probably even more have been through it. People like to say that soul mates only happen to old souls. One clarification on that–I think we attract what we are and what we need, and if you are not in touch with your soul, or even recognize that you have one–you are not likely to be ready for a soul mate.
You meet a soul mate. What is this like? It varies slightly. At some point, there is what I call a “moment of recognition.” This can happen immediately, as in love at first sight (or at first type, if it is online.) Or, it can take a little bit of time. But it always happens at some point. If it hits you later, such as after being friends with someone for a while (and maybe you had not thought of them in “that way,”) it will hit you hard. If it happens immediately, you know it. It can be any number of things, from an energetic feeling in your heart chakra, third eye, or sacral chakra…to a sense of familiarity and knowing them before, to full downloads of past life memories. But you know it is different. You know you have a special connection that is probably hard to put words to.
After this, there is a strange series of events. These are detailed in the Signs of a Soul Mate or Twin Flame post. Synchronicities happen. For those of you who don’t know, this is an event that has a sense of meaning to it, it seems like a coincidence, but you know better. Example: Your soul mate’s name is Bennett. I pick that name because it is different. The next thing you know, you see Bennett on a license plate, there are songs on the radio about Bennett, you meet 3 other people named Bennett, etc. You get the idea. This is the universe’s way of saying, hey, pay attention, this is important. Generally, you will have synchronicities happen throughout the relationship, but especially at critical points, when shifts and changes are happening and you need to pay attention.
At some point, soul mates usually have psychic and telepathic communication. Awareness of this varies, and you have to be open to noticing it, but I can say that, even as a professional psychic (I was a professional when I had my first soul mate encounter), this part was intense. Example: your soul mate has chronic headaches, and now, you seem to, also. Your soul mate has a bad day, gets angry at work, and at the same moment out of the blue, you feel angry. You ask her about it later and true enough, you were correct. Your soul mate is married (c0mmon) and you know when your soul mate and husband have had a fight. You may even know what it was about. This can also be full-blown conversations–how you distinguish this from wishful thinking on your part, is–does the conversation sound like your soul mate would sound? Words they use, how they talk, figures of speech, grammar? Especially if they are telling you things that maybe you don’t like. You’re head is not going to make that up. Generally you will have a good idea about what is going on with them at any given point, even if you are no longer talking to them or you are in another country. Time and space are not relevant to this connection in the same way that Newton’s physics works. Why? Because you are connected, deeply.
Prior to meeting, you may have had a dream of meeting this person. There may be a lot of communication in dreams. I have learned a lot of things about soul mates in this way. Sometimes the SOUL of a soul mate wishes to communicate with you, but may not be able to communicate because their ego is blocking it. (Sounds a little batcrap nuts, but I assure you, it is not.) You could then have these dreams and “visits.” And yes, even sexual types of encounters, that may seem or may actually be, very physical.
You may be aware of meeting this person before, with a vague sense that maybe you have lived a past life together. You may have memories of this, or it may play out in the dynamics of the relationship. Example: you have a compelling feeling that you are responsible for and need to protect your soul mate. You are not sure where this comes from, but for some reason you are always worried about this. You do a soul journey, or a meditation, and the source of this feeling is revealed. Maybe you could not protect her from something in the past, and now, you overcompensate.
Soul mates generally trigger some form of spiritual awakening in each other. What does this mean? It means even if you have only peripherally been exploring your spirituality or you are a beginner, this now seems to be quite a large part of your consciousness and, of the connection. You may have mystical experiences with that person that open your eyes to a whole new level of reality. You may have transcendent sexual experiences with them that you have never had before. You become more aware that you are a soul, having a human experience.
A lot of the above will happen when you are in contact with your soul mate, but often will still happen without any contact at all. Which brings me to the next phase.
Meeting a soul mate is an intense experience. If someone has never met one before, chances are it’s going to scare them, at least a little bit. Heck, it will probably scare you too. Even so, it will be very hard for you to resist the connection, no matter what the circumstances are (soul mate is unavailable or married, soul mate is on another continent, etc.) You will be in a near-constant tug back to this person, usually for quite some time. But, at some point, for whatever reason, a “runner” and a “stayer” dynamic is commonly established. If you are the “runner,” you will try to escape in some form or another. Maybe you will stop talking to your soul mate out of the blue, with never another word. If you are the “stayer,” you will most likely be mystified by the runner’s reasoning for this. I mean, wow–we are having this incredible, mind-blowing connection, and the runner wants to give that up? What are the reasons for this? Well, the reasons can vary but you can bet it has to do with their “issues” that they don’t choose to face at this point in time. Maybe they are married and don’t want to lose their current partner. Maybe they are afraid of having such a deep connection (afraid of intimacy and even love.) Now keep in mind that these roles can reverse, too, whenever there is “stuff” and issues that come up, because a lot of times, people (including you) may just not want to deal with their “stuff.” Hey, we are human.
But here’s the deal. Even if they run, or you run, there is no running really, because you remain connected. All of the signs and symbols continue to happen, even when one cuts ties. What’s happening is that both of you are feeling the confusion of having your issues laid before you, not knowing what to do about this connection, being blown out of the water, and realizing, that if you want to be together, that would require some major, personal growth or changes.
This is where the separation period comes in. This can last a long time. Years, even. You may play the “push and pull” game for a while. The purpose of this time, if we use it wisely, is to reflect on ourselves. To look at what this relationship brings up for us, and to decide what we are going to do about it. It is a time of deep introspection. Sometimes, this is good, despite the fact that it feels so wrong and bad, because each of you needs time to get your head together, process the connection, what it is, and what it means. This is where you and your soul mate process lessons and feelings. And often, this really needs to be done separately. Now, all of your issues (or at least some significant ones) have been outed. You are a little exposed. Y0u are feeling vulnerable. Your soul mate may “mirror” you with the exact same issues as you (you are both alcoholics and something needs to be done about that, for example) or the issues can be different but related. But boy, you will trigger things to be cleared out in one another.
What happens next? In the case of karmic soul mates, one or both of you will learn the lessons, and slowly move on. Yes, moving on is possible. Example of karmic soul mate: You have been in a relationship for a very long time. You are vaguely aware that it is really over, but you can’t bring yourself to leave it, because it makes you feel secure in some way, but for all the wrong reasons. In pops a karmic soul mate. All of a sudden, you have these intense feelings for someone else, which at minimum, will make you question your long-term relationship. You meet the soul mate on vacation with some friends. You are only going to see each other for 2 weeks. But in that time, you know that this person has changed your life. You may never talk to them or see them again, but they have done something for you. You realize that you are holding on to a relationship that is no longer good for you. Suddenly, you see that abuse has been happening, and you have been justifying that. So, as a result of this encounter, you decide to make a positive change. You are not with the soul mate, in fact, you are now alone. But happier, because you are no longer unhappy with your mate. You may try to hold on to this soul mate, but you see, they were not meant for that. Maybe they are in a relationship with someone else. You learn what you are meant to, and eventually, you are able to move forward.
If you and your soul mate are able to learn from your experience together what you are meant to learn, and you are not karmic soul mates, you may re-unite at some point (when the time is right!) to learn more lessons. You may re-unite because there is a further purpose for the relationship. We only know this by going through it.
If one or both of you do not choose to learn from this experience, guess what? Lessons have a way of coming around again to bite you in the behind. If we don’t get it the first time around, we often try, try again. The lessons appear again in another form, or person, and maybe even another soul mate. So, there is value in doing this self-work. It may help you to stop repeating negative relationship patterns. One thing is for sure, if you do the work, you are going to be a stronger, better person. I guarantee it 🙂
16 thoughts on “Dynamics of a Soul Mate Relationship”
I found this very informative and helpful. I’m going through an intense experience and this has helped me make sense of it in a way I needed. It has been weighing heavy on my mind for around 8 months and a lot if introspection and processing is happening for me which now makes more sense. I can now ask Why not? Instead of just asking Why?
Hi Deborah, glad to hear it was helpful for you! If you need any further help please let me know! Blessings, V
It has been hard for me tho know what happened between myself and this guy. When we first saw each other, I felt like I knew him. We made instant comfortable eye contact. I felt this insane, unbearable attraction to him, we were always in the same places, and when talking to him it seemed like we could sense each others thoughts. Once I felt a warmth on my face, and it was him starting. When I looked at him I swear I saw his thoughts, like a full picture. U think we were both afraid because it was nothing like anything we had experienced. What do you think this was?
Sounds like a soul connection to me…classic description…
Thank the Good Lord for this. Its the answer I’ve been looking for. Soul mates help change you, they help you move on, they help you learn and it ain’t always easy.
LOL Joyce, that is how I felt when I discovered the concept, also… it helps to explain a couple things 🙂
Hi after speaking with a medium today,she refered to this page…So informative and I can totally understand what I have been dealing with over the past 12 months….Have so much more education and understanding now.Takes a load off my mind.thankyou
You are welcome 🙂
Wow! I’m floored!! I feel like you described my situation to a T! I went on vacation and felt this incredible psychic connection (i’m not a huge believer, but not a non believer either, just never gave it much thought) with this person and only hung out for 1 day and night. (i didn’t cheat on him) I have a boyfriend and can’t get the other guy out of my head. I immediately felt like he was a soul mate of some sort. I think we definitely helped each other. But I feel his presence so incredibly strongly and recently it’s died down. and it’s been almost 2 months since i saw him. Am I crazy? I was the runner. it really freaked me out. so when we said goodbye I made it really awkward and literally ran away from him. we were supposed to meet later and i ended up arriving 2 hours late, due to issues I couldn’t control. I think maybe the universe was saying that was it for us?? But i did go meet him and he had already left. We didn’t leave any contact info and I think after I freaked out so did he and left. (He was supposed to be there most of the day but when I got there was gone.)I regret not getting his info so we could keep in touch, at the same time I feel so crazy about all of this as I only knew him for a short time! I feel I mostly have moved on, but recently I started thinking about him and have since seen his name a few times (he has an uncommon name) and the state he’s from as well as the name of the hotel I stayed in, which was unique to the place. What do you think the universe is trying to say? My current boyfriend and I are happy, but i wonder if he is meant for me and in my heart i think, no. I felt more with this other guy, but i also factor in I was on vacation, feeling free and good and some of it was probably physical, even though, that’s what my rational mind is saying and i think there is truth to that. but I can’t bear to leave my boyfriend. at least not right now. Thank you for this amazing article! Any insight to my situation would really help me! Blessings to you! 🙂
Yes there are so many common themes with soul connections, and once you figure that out it helps to know you are not crazy, which you are not 🙂 Soul mates are not gotten rid of too easily. They do not always lead to a relationship and that is where many can get confused. Think about what you may have needed to learn from this experience. If you would like specific help with your situation send me a message and I am happy to help and make an appointment. Blessings, V
“But, at some point, for whatever reason, a “runner” and a “stayer” dynamic is commonly established.”
This point – and everything related to it. Resonates so very much.
I know the feeling 🙂 Thank you for saying so!
Hi there, In Jan 2015.. It was supposed to be a normal regular night at the restaurant, waiting on tables, until I was told I had to work at a function upstairs It was hosted by a company I used to work for… I was very reluctant to serve drinks, When I got up there.. there was a guy I instantly locked my eyes on, he did the same… I carried out my duties for the night he kept trying to talk to me and saying for another drink… after we got talking and after work, we went out for a drink, it was great I never ever felt a connection like this before it was like I have known him before he was so easy to talk too… the bad part was he lived in another city about 1 hour flight away, we kept communicating and he invited me over to see him, I book my flights and had a great time it was amazing, ( all on a friends level ) we shared a kiss at the every end ( wish I did it sooner ) … we planed another visit.. I was so happy, my second visit was not as good , we had a small fight, he made it out to be bigger… after that visit things were not the same anymore and we stop talking for months, since then I re entered the travel industry ( both our backgrounds of work ) … I randomly started texting him again, he was nice he wasn’t cold like he was before, he seemed back to normal, the first strange thing occurred is the next day in the morning, I go to work and do my thing ( I deal with travel agents in wholesale travel ) I speak to one his colleagues he worked with him at the same office, then a few months later.. I sent him a text message about about an incentive my company is offering there’s to a win a trip in October.. a few days later he sends me a message saying he got offered a free trip with us in April!! ….then early last week .. It was nearing the end of the day.. I pick up a call, and it was HIM… I was so surprised ( i work with thousands of travel agents ) we talked for bit and it felt great I was so happy to hear his voice again, the strange thing is that he called on the week I was traveling to see him last year! does it mean anything or am i getting excited over nothing… I strongly think he is amazing and we belong together… but it could be wishful thing!
Hi Jamie, thanks for your comment. If you have the soul connection signs then that is what it is. It means different things for different people, it really depends on the reasons for the connection as far as what you and he need to learn from it. Soul connections are frequently not for traditional relationship purposes. There is no way for me to tell for sure unless I tune in for you, if you want specific help with your situation, let me know by sending me an email and we can make an appointment. email@example.com
I’ve been looking into this, and I am usually a very skeptical person. I like this website and its down to Earth way of speaking, I was hoping you might be able to answer a question I have that’s pressing on me, very badly. Okay, so to cut a long story short, I THINK I may have met me soul mate. We are both dancers, and she came in to the studio… from the first day, I was curious about her, I thought it might just be a little mini crush because she is attractive. Over the last few weeks, I have run into her several times, one time at a supermarket where I just “felt” like she was going to be there… I saw her in the parking lot. I was unshaven, dressed ghetto, and not feeling the best so I pretended I didn’t see her (I was at a distance, but I knew it was her because she has a distinct style and big hair). Anyway, later that week, I happened to run into her at a nightclub, and she was already acquainted with some of my circle of friends… not entirely unusual, because we all share the common love for dance.
This is where things get interesting… the more I think about it, the less coincidental all these meetings seem to be… yesterday, I wasgoing to go out, but decided not to because I was tired. She also just happened to be interstate for the day, and came back today (saturday). I felt like she might be there, and I just felt some type of magnetic pull to go… but not before talking to an old friend of mine. This is important because the TIMING of this was impeccable – once I got out the car, I took a route that I don’t usually take to go to a night club. On this route… she was just there, having a chat with a friend of hers (she had already been inside, but came out to talk to someone). This was within the space of about 5 minutes, and she just happened to be there. On this meeting, I also was wearing a t shirt with a water lily on it, which happens to be her star signs flower🙂 The last part I am most skeptical about, but the coincidences just keep happening.
I feel like she can read my mind sometimes. We shared a dance and another girl was nearby, I looked at her to see check out her dance skills, but my potential soulmate also kept looking into my eyes to get my attention. I am wondering whether she was trying to find out my interest level in her, and whether I would try to make a move on the nearby girl. I didn’t want to play silly jealousy games so I returned her eye contact… unfortunately, she is leaving back to her home country in a few months, and I wonder if this could be the “separation” period you mentioned in your article. I feel that something is supposed to happen, and there is a strange feeling of familiarity, excitement, fear of rejection, knowingness… its all a big complicated mess in my mind and heart. Hope you can help me figure it out, Id be eternally grateful!
Yes, sounds like stuff that would happen if you are connected to someone on a deeper level. If you want more specific help on your situation from an intuitive perspective, contact me and we can make an appointment. Blessings, Victoria