“You don’t give love in order to get love, you give love in order to become love” –Apollo Poetry
Ah, soul mates. Can’t live with them (many times,) can’t live without them (all the time.) What is this crazy phenomenon? A lot has been written on this subject, and it can fall into several categories. The popular understanding of the term is more of a myth than a reality. The myth goes something like this: We have one shot to get it right in this lifetime, with our ONE and ONLY soul mate, the one who will make our lives complete, and is our perfect compliment. If you are soul mates, you are destined to be together….forever! Once you find that person, you will experience never ending bliss for the rest of your life, and your relationship will finally work the way it was meant to work…easy, idyllic, no work required, effortless harmony, and you will be enlightened with all of your spiritual voids filled. This is a myth–a cultural story–and it even has an advertising program that wants you to buy into this philosophy. It may sell some perfume, but what I am talking about is more about personal experiences and patterns in the process of personal development. And, no disrespect here, but programs that promise to find your soul mate in 30 days—it is not that simple. It happens when you are ready for it.
This is most definitely, a MYTH. Why? First, we have many soul mates. Once you get started on the soul mate/ relationship as a spiritual path, you will probably have a succession of soul mates. I personally have a count of about 7. Although there is great compatibility with soul mates, and they may very well be a perfect fit, the relationship (if there is one) is not meant to make your life complete. Soul mates are not necessarily destined to be together forever. Because the connection is so strong, it is very easy to think that because of its depth, it is therefore everlasting. Some people are able to make it work with their soul mates, but not without the great amount of inner work and personal development that a deep connection requires. Many times, soul mates are not meant to be in your life for as long as you may want them to. Many times, one or both of you are not able to do what it would require for you to be together. That is not the fault of Madame Destiny, it is just simply, life and its challenges. And life’s lessons.
Soul mates are meant to help you grow, deeply grow, and to “give love so you can become love.” It is a profoundly challenging relationship that is not for the faint of heart or a die-hard romantic. It changes YOU, on the inside. And as you change, what is vibrationally a fit now, may not always be so. Because, we are always changing. As the Buddha would say, the nature of life is impermanent.
Now that we have the myth out of the way, here is a pretty good, spiritual interpretation of what happens here. It is part of the Law of Attraction, that soul mates are drawn in by your soul’s essence, who you really are at a deep level, your vibrational level, and your karma. I don’t mean karma as in, this is your punishment for evils done in a past life! Karma can be considered to be, what keeps you from floating off this earth plane into a cloud of total enlightenment. It is what keeps you learning lessons, the stuff of karma is your lessons, your issues, what needs to be cleared that keeps you from knowing that you are one with God and everything in this universe. Karma is your “stuff.” Deep, huh?
Soul mates show you your “stuff.” There is perfect analogy for this, and it is called, funny enough, “mirroring.” Soul mates lift up a big mirror for you to look in, so that you can know thyself more deeply. This is a two-way mirror, so you are also doing this for said beloved. Now, to an extent, all relationships do this. What makes soul mates so special? Well, soul mates rev it up a notch, stomp full-fledged on the gas pedal, and COMPEL you to do your work, in a very intense way, that is hard to ignore. Soul mates got your attention, all right.
This is why I teach that all soul mates are “romantic” in that sense. Because even th0ugh all relationships are important, and you may love your dog or goldfish very much, they are not going to do this for you. And the connection that you have to your friends and family may be deep and wonderful, but they don’t have this kind of impact on you in quite the same way. Also, there are special dynamics and patterns in the soul mate connection that are custom-designed to shoot your soul in a rocket booster towards a very deep awakening. A sexual and romantic component, for lack of a better descriptor, is a powerful forceful motivator and soul connector. The feeling of wanting to unite male and female polarities is very strong. By this I am talking about the masculine and feminine energies of the universe, not physical sex or bodies. This is a different kind of connection from others in your soul group. Please see my post, Signs of a Soul Mate or Twin Flame for the common indicators and patterns that I am talking about.
So what is a soul mate? An energetic SOUL-based tie to another human being. If you are familiar with the concept of energy centers or chakras, we can say that the common connection points are the sacral, heart, and third eye chakras. Soul mates may delude themselves or deny that the connection goes both ways, but a soul mate connection is not unrequited love. A person may have varying levels of awareness about the existence of the connection, but it is not one-sided. It is pretty much hard to ignore for both people.
Secondly, a soul mate connection is a spiritual, deep connection with a soul that COMPELS you to grow and learn lessons about yourself, love and relationships. You can also think of it as a soul “contract,” that involves the learning and teaching of lessons, which may have past life ties, and there are always lesson themes. What are these lessons? That is for you to find out, but many common ones are: abandonment, personal integrity and honesty, insecurity, leaving situations and relationships that no longer work for you, fear of commitment, and even, fear of love. You would be surprised, but many people faced with the prospect of unconditional love, are bewildered and terrified of actually having it. Many soul mate lessons, more simply put, require that you make a choice between the polar opposites of fear and love. In the big picture of soul development, we are all learning the difference between unconditional love and egoic love.
I must stress that soul mate connections are not always about the relationship. This is where we get hooked on the concept of the relationship, and not about its real purpose–which is our own growth as a soul.