2015 edit please read: This is an older post–2 years ago. Like anyone who is changing and growing, my views on twin flames in particular has evolved from this article. I am leaving it up though as additional food for thought rather than editing it. Many twin flame teachers express that the info out there on twin flames is old, I tend to concur….but I will hold to this also: In order to really understand twin flames, you have to be one. Not just that though, you have to KNOW you are one. I am one. I know I am one. So I am not saying at any point that I question its reality or validity–I don’t.
But because in the beginning many soul connections can be similar, even those who have been through soul mates before do not immediately know they are a twin flame. This was the case for me. I have resisted this label personally because twin flames are rare. I will not talk about anything that I have not learned or experienced, and I will only talk about the things I understand. It has been quite a lot over the journey of 6 soul mates and a twin flame. Every twin flame situation is different. So see this article as part of my personal process. I will be speaking much more on twin flames so stay tuned!!!
While a lot has been written on the subject of soul mates, and it is generally a concept more in the mainstream (although in my opinion, the mainstream take on it is largely misunderstood), the concept of twin flames is more prominent with the “new age” crowd. Although, as you can grasp from Elizabeth Claire Prophet’s work, the concept itself is much older, going back to Plato, at least. That being said, there is a fair amount of information out there, particularly on the internet. There are plenty of sites run by those who identify as twin flames, message boards, Facebook groups, and the like. But unless you fly the new age sky, you are not likely to have heard about it.
The information available is hard to prove theoretically speaking. Like any spiritual set of ideas, there is no way to know for sure. I think this is so important for people to understand. We can accept what resonates and rings true for us, but any system for viewing the world is a lens through which we look, and sometimes, we are looking through that lens inside of a box. If we don’t comprehend that, we run the risk of “metaphysical fundamentalism, ” equally as attached to our concepts and potentially just as close-minded as any other fundamentalist–and then we really miss the larger point. Those who identify as twin flames say that they “just know” and so the need for proof is really moot. Intuitively, that is totally understandable, as one can’t argue with personal experience, and I would never even try. 🙂 Personal experience is what it is–relative–and meaningful in a personal way. But personal experience, also, does not necessarily make an entire theory infallible.
Much of the information on twin flames, if not historical in nature (twin flames in history and literature, etc) is channeled (claimed to have been ‘downloaded’ from a higher source than the ego,) and/or comes from those who take on the “twin flame” label. I have nothing against either source of information as real and valid, however, the issue arises of trying to find an absolute, across the board, applicable truth in a set of ideas that are often contradictory. I provide all of these caveats and preludes to what I think because it is a drama-laden topic. This is an area that has caused more controversy than soul mates, and I have found in teaching it, has ruffled the most feathers and is an area where ego can run amok. I have learned over the years of being involved with the metaphysical community that spirituality does not make one immune from egoism. None of us really are immune from the ego’s slinky ways. 😀
Some who identify as twin flames have been sure to “school” me and seek me out, claiming that they have the real information, and they want to make sure that I don’t put out any “misinformation.” Oh, yoi. I have not put forth any theories or information that have not already been claimed by someone else self-identifying as a twin flame. I think people should think about why twin flames contradict each other, rather than shooting the messenger for presenting the information as it stands. What I have done is organize my thoughts based on the research I have done, people I have talked to, and added some psychological insight and critical thinking skills. Like everybody else, I have tried to sort it out because I have been through many soul mates, and was curious to find out if the twin flame category could apply to my experiences. I have pretty much decided that it has not applied so far, but maybe even more importantly, that the distinction just does not matter that much. Although, there is no way to know for anybody, unless they go through it. Like a lot of things in life, maybe it is something that may be best understood in hindsight.
In any case, in my teachings on the subject, including what has been taught in Lily Dale, I am very careful to note when ideas are theories and when I am talking about patterns in people’s experiences. There is a difference.
As usual though, I wonder about what exactly can be considered the “real information.” I certainly don’t claim to have THE answers. But I do think I have some good questions. Here is one example. It has been written in a few sources (mainly channeled) that there are only 144 twin flame pairs in existence on the planet currently. This is the kind of thing you can’t prove, unless you are taking a poll and doing some very serious research. How otherwise, would one know for sure that there are, exactly, 144? Just where does this number come from? Part of my point is–well, that’s interesting, but, does it really matter?
It is touchy, because many twin flames teach that it is a rare phenomenon (and I tend to agree,) while everyone having a deep and transformative soul connection experience would like to think that they have found their twin flame. There is a reason for this, and many people may not like to hear it, but there is an unspoken assumption that twin flames are the creme de la creme of relationships, the ultimate union, and as such, destined and almost mandated, to reunite and complete their mission. Therefore, everyone wants to fit themselves into this label.
Because, I think, of the misinterpretation of soul mates in mainstream culture, soul mates and twin flames are quite romanticized, twin flames to an even higher degree. I was guilty of this fallacy myself, as I have been through many soul mates, and each one could have qualified for the beginning stages of a twin flame connection. You can have some very powerful and profound soul mate connections that are very easy to assign a twin flame label to. In some of my classes people have just been mortified to find out that their relationship did not fit the common descriptors for a twin flame, so they would be very upset with me for presenting the ideas. Some are quite obviously, and understandably, very attached to their label. While it is not my job to personally confirm or deny anything, I think that if twin flames truly exist, they are rare, and most people, by and large, are having soul mate experiences. That does not make them any less important, though.
Like everyone else, I wanted to make my situation fit into this label, because if I did, I could be told by an innumerable number of message boards and psychics that all I had to do was just work on myself, and my twin flame situation would come to a reunion stage, because that is the twin flame destiny for us all. In fact, I have been told just that by people who identify as twin flames and claim to be able to diagnose the situation for others. You can probably see why at this point, everyone has a desire to be one. However, saying that the end result of a relationship depends entirely upon one’s own ability to “ascend” may also put too much guilt and responsibility on those who may not have total control over the relationship’s outcome. This could be one of those instances of new age guilt (you control your reality, so if your reality sucks, well then, so do you.) I think a lot depends on your ability to grow, but it takes two free will beings to tango, do the work required, and grow together. It may also be worth noting to try to take information from others with a grain of salt. They may be projecting their own desires, or ego, on to you, which is not helpful. To paraphrase Buddha, examine things for yourself, not because someone (even the Buddha) told you so.
Because of the wide variation of information on the internet, every site has their own set of qualifiers for both soul mates and twin flames. (I have listed my own set as well, in another post.) They of course, all vary from site to site and person to person. However, there are many similarities between soul mates and twin flames. That is not to say that other’s lists of signs are not valid, but I have not separated these “signs” into a separate twin flame and soul mate list. Why not? Because the information varies. Something that one person calls a soul mate another person calls a twin flame. You can have soul mate signs that are very much like twin flame signs. I do think we in the new age and spiritual community, love to put names and labels on things.
One thing I can say for absolute certain, based on personal experience and other people’s personal experience, is that these signs and symptoms of what I will call more broadly, “soul connections,” are in fact very real, meaningful, and spiritual in terms of how they create circumstances that grow the soul. From what I have observed, and experienced personally, this issue with labels has created a whole lot of drama and there are many problems and unhealthy situations that come from drawing a hard line in the soul connection sand. I really have hesitated in putting this post out and making the distinction between the two, because many people will read this, assign the twin flame label, and then proceed to self justify a whole slew of unhealthy things, in the name of the Twin Flame. I don’t want to encourage that.
There is a general undercurrent of hot debate (though clothed in polite language, usually) within the new age community about who is and who is not a twin flame, who is the “real deal,” who is fake, who has the right information, who is wrong, and it is enough to make anyone’s head spin right off. According to some people, I have no right to write about it or teach about it, since I am not one (but then, how do they know?) Not to mention, there is channeled information that contradicts other channeled information, and twin flames contradict other twin flames.
So what is one supposed to think?
Do I believe twin flames are real? I believe that there are experiences of real people who seem to fit a pattern that one can definitely categorize as a soul connection, and you can call it a twin flame if you want. As I say about soul mates, what matters are people’s experiences, and if there are any patterns to be found, and if so, what can we learn from that? It appears to be similar to soul mates with some additional differences. In general, I refer to any soul connections (soul mates, twin flames) as soul connections mostly because I feel that what can be learned from them is, on a the scale of spiritual lessons, still relatively similar. And, I sense, that putting labels on things can cause some major problems, as I said repeatedly at this point.
So what are twin flames? Here comes the theoretical part. The prevailing theory is that you have only one (which is now on message boards, very hotly debated) and they are, basically, the other half of your soul. Going back to the creation of the universe, which we can somewhat verify within at least a few seconds of the big bang, we all started (everything started) as a very dense speck of matter and energy, which then expanded into galaxies, planets, lifeforms and, also–souls and soul groups or families. Those in your soul group or soul family are closer to you from the moment of creation. These would include your soul mates. So the theory is that a twin flame is that spark of you, your soul, that then split off into another entity. It is still you, but another part of you, your compliment, and some ways, your opposite.
As we operate in a world of duality (left/right, male/female, dark/light), it is thought that there is a predominately masculine and a predominately feminine aspect of yourself that has split into two (bodies, if both are incarnated, or just souls , if one happens to not be incarnated at the same time as you.) Some people think most people’s twins are not incarnated, but are helping from the other side. (Who knows? But I do know people claim to have met their twin flames in a body.) Your twin flame can be thought of as your closest soul mate or member of your soul family, so close in fact, that they ARE you. (I think, though, that since we all came from that little speck, we are all really one, but maybe because we feel so bonded to our soul connections, it is easier to realize this with them.) Theoretically, one purpose of twin flames is an attempt to unify the masculine and feminine energies of your soul. That is why, theoretically, you are supposed to be in your last lifetime on earth when you meet your twin, to integrate that aspect of yourself back into your soul, which then, will re-unite with the Godhead, never to re-incarnate again, as you have become fully integrated and whole as a soul. Many twin flame lessons, from people’s experiences, do seem to be about balancing the male and female polarities within themselves. As I said, I can’t prove this, so it remains, at least to me…theory.
But you can see how, anyone’s ego would love to jump on this bandwagon, no? So they can say that they are the true and real authority on twin flames (since there are so few, they are special.) And that, they are so advanced, that this is their last lifetime on earth and they are here to teach the rest of us folks who just don’t get it. As a student of psychology, I can definitely see how this COULD be co-opted by an ego for various reasons. But to be fair, so could any other new age concept.
I am interested in the experiences of those who identify as twin flames, though. And there do seem to be some additional patterns that I think are rare, because you don’t see them very often. To give you an idea, I have been counseling people since 2007. I have talked to thousands of people. I believe I have really met only ONE (as my client) who seems to fit the distinction. I have a vague idea that some others I know are also twin flames, but we have never had an extensive conversation about it. I am going to have this person do a guest blog entry, to give you an idea of what this experience is like. It is in part because I have witnessed this experience that I feel that there is any distinction to be made at all.
Generally, many of the symptoms of soul mates can be carried over to twin flames, and I have talked about those things elsewhere in my posts. People seem to agree that these signs are similar but more intense than soul mates. In addition, there will be a feeling that the person is YOU–not similar to you, but IS YOU. There is a recognition of oneness that is uncanny, although you are likely to be very different from one another in some key areas such as (age, culture, race, religion, etc.) One of the key factors is that twin flames are here to accomplish a mission together. This mission is not just the relationship. It has to do with life purpose, and is generally spiritual, humanitarian, or contributes greatly to an area of society. The relationship is not just about personal growth as soul mates are, it is about personal transformation that is meant to achieve something, and that contribution is more than the sum of its parts. Examples would be, starting a spiritual center together, creating music together, contributing to the scientific field, etc. Twin flames deepen your spiritual purpose on this planet. So, new or young souls have probably not met their twin yet, as the theory goes. You will meet your twin flame when you are already on a spiritual path, and it is likely, you have already had a few soul mates, with increasing lessons of difficulty to prepare you for the twin flame experience.
21 thoughts on “Twin Flames 101”
Impressive and well thought out!
Thanks so much, I really appreciate you commenting on my writing 🙂
You know what, I just realized who you two are and discovered your work, at the right moment of course! Just yesterday. And both of you are soooooo helpful. So, pretty much now I know what is what as far as my own personal journey as a TF. And I love you two and your sense of humor. I just love you both. Thank you for commenting and I should have investigated it at the time. But hey, better late than never. 🙂
Never late… always on time… a journey would say just that! ❤
You have defiantly gone in depth on this! to the point i have no more questions on twin flames to ask. thank you for this 🙂
Thank you and you’re welcome!
Wonderful article. Simply wonderful. It is such a pleasure to see this New Age concept handled in such a loving, but clear headed manner. It’s easy to see how people could get caught up in the ego of it all, but at the same time anyone who was actually in a twin flame situation probably wouldn’t even bother to acknowledge it, let alone get attached to the concept. It would most likely never occur to them. Anyone getting ready to ascend is working through stuff that the rest of us cannot fathom.
I have been married for over 25 years and my wife is very clearly my one true love. But our task together is not to get ready to ascend, but rather to learn to work together to clear out enough emotional baggage to fill a train station. Our closeness comes not from a spark of divinity bestowed upon us since birth, but rather through the drudgery and everyday work of constantly choosing to work through our problems, trust and support one another. It never stops.
It would be nice to be able to convey that to other people, but I’ve tried and failed many times. It can be hard for other people to hear that love and happiness is a choice that you have to constantly make.
Thanks so much Craig! I tend to agree in that most spiritual principles are pretty simple, and can be exchangeable and detected in many different belief systems. So it is not essential that one totally subscribe to the new age theory, if a clear one could even be said to exist at this point. Congratulations on the 25! That is the kind of thing that people can really learn from, if they thought to ask. I have no experience of 25 years with someone but I can tell that this takes a LOT of work on the relationship and on oneself, anyone who doesn’t think so is living in a dreamland. Can’t escape your work, no matter where it is found! I do think that doing your personal work is prep for “ascension.” I think this is hard for many people to understand simply because many people do not wish to do the work required to have the kind of relationship they want. They are too brainwashed by the mass media into thinking there is some special person out there who will solve everything for them, and you can attract that person with some kind of shampoo! Twisted ain’t it?? There are simply no magic easy solutions to working on oneself. That is a choice absolutely!
I have liked what you’ve said through several of your blog posts I’ve read, on soul mate and twin flame and the differences. What you are saying resonates with me and makes sense. I have had at least one soul mate and am trying to figure out if someone I have reconnected with after many years, goes beyond soul mate to possibly being a twin flame? Not that I care either way, it’s not an Ego thing. I’m just fascinated with the experience is all. The “they are you, not just like you” is a scary true statement. The possibility for our life purposes to come together for greater good is also there, we just haven’t explored it yet. He is also much younger than I am and we live far apart, but the few times we have actually been in each others company, crazy things have happened, like unexpected weather pattern occurring around us, think tornado in a place that has never had one and bright sunny day was the forecast for days. Anyway, I especially like the note at the end of this post about “justifying abuse and unhealthy relationships”. This concept of “twin flame” is brand new to me, so I’ve been researching what people say about it and looking at the responses people leave on the many blogs. It seems sadly clear that what the vast majority of these people are experiencing is not in fact a “twin” experience as they think/hope?, but probably an unhealthy codependent relationship, some are truly with soul mates even. I’m not proclaiming to be an expert on the topic and could be wrong about the posts, but after a sad realization years ago that I was in fact codependent myself and the subsequent years of therapy to get myself to a healthy state, I’m now much more aware of it in myself (if and when it tries to rear it’s ugly head) and others. So it’s good to see that you are making the distinction here about all this, when other blogs didn’t. Thoughts?
Thank you and I agree that one very important thing to remember is this: no matter what kind of soul connection you have, personal work is required. REQUIRED. That means that if you have co-dependent tendencies, then these must be worked through, no matter who you are with or what kind of a connection it is. Any high level soul connection, will bring this out for you to work on. It will become obvious and hard to ignore that work must be done. So the best thing to do, for yourself, for your connection soul mate or twin, is to work on your own stuff. You can never go wrong with that one!!!
its possible to proove that auras fuse…and other things….there is telepathy for sure as well as can feel the emotions as well if there is someone out really wanting to do research on the topic i am ready as if i touch my hand on my face …he can feel it even if we are distant and so may other things ….there is cosmic intimacy and i can prove this ……i feel that he comes to know that i am going across his office even if he is not sitting there…and also when i am driving and he can feel if i touch a hot object …and he is not touching …………..so thus i can prove it by many of tests
…regardless of space and time…
It may be possible, if people were interested in scientifically studying it. The twin flame concept is more of an idea on the very fringe….scientists still have a hard time accepting that psychic abilities exist and have been scientifically proven. What you are describing here is not unusual though.
I loved your article. I am on the scientific field and jumped in this twin flames theories trying to understand what was happening to me. And as you said, there are a lot of contradictions out there, and I really resonate with the way you talk about the ego based comments. I think your article is very refreshig. Thank you!!!
Thanks so much appreciate your comment and reading my work! I still hold to much of what is said here, I am beginning to think that there really is a difference between soul mates and twin flames that is more than theory, or different degrees of soul connections. The best approach to always take is to see it as a mirror of your own lessons that need to be learned, as you can never go wrong with personal growth!!!
I am one of those “twin flame experts” but in a weird way in that I help individually, as needed, and I don’t follow the other experts, ahem.. BS. That 144k thing (I have also heard 1%) and the “special” idea.. I know which ones you are talking about specifically, makes me cringe. And the disinformation thing they are worried about you spreading.. Please, if there isn’t already enough of that as it is.
Then you mentioned about do enough self work and the creating your own reality.. Yes, of my biggest pet peeves. I got off the bashar/Abraham train for that reason.
My stance is being in the now is the key. That is the angle I take in my practice and therefore goes beyond twins. If they can -or are interested only in- helping, “true twins” they are missing the point.
I haven’t made my big debut as an expert because of the other experts and not wanting that kind of battle right now. So I just really tackle case by case. If you want to compare notes sometime, I’m on FB \angi.Gaian.progeny
Thanks for your comment 🙂 Yes let’s talk further for sure! I wrote this some time ago, and have had a lot of thoughts and reasons to think since then. Right now I am vibing with Jenna Forrest’s take. I think I will only become an expert at the point where I am speaking from my own experience, which I am definitely moving through and toward. But even with my experience, there are parallels but I think everyone’s experience is different. I am moving towards more self work as the best option, really for any soul connection, for the purposes of spiritual growth as a soul. Because one doesn’t know especially in the beginning if there is a clear difference. I am beginning to experience that there is a difference, it is hard to articulate for me at this point. So based on new experience I will have to revise my thinking on this. But, that is how we learn, right? 🙂 And if we are not open to learning from our experience and revising our thoughts, we are not as open as we think. And yes, being in the NOW is so key, seeing this as a process, not a relationship.
I don’t know how I put this. And I don’t even know whether its me overthinking or there is really something surreal. Okay so here it is- My younger sister had been telling her friends that she has been talking to a guy who is a hotshot(Who is of my age). I accidentally overheard this conversation with her friends and a protective sister that I am, I found this guy out on a social networking site and I felt and instant connect with him. But because I was protective of my sister, I disliked him. A LOT ( I mean how dare you play with my lil girls emotions) So I started keeping a watch on both of their profiles but eventually it turned out that my sister had been lying to her friends. So my anger on this guy somewhat cooled. So I was like okay let’s forget this person now I am done. But I couldn’t. Then I stalked his entire profile and was shocked to realise that the experiences this guy had were a carbon copy of mine. In all aspects and almost at the same time in our lives(He is an extrovert and he posts every life experience of his on his social profiles). This developed a soft corner in my heart( which normally doesn’t happen because I tend to be very aloof). And there was an uncanny understanding though I don’t know him personally. He was aspiring to be a model(which I got to know indirectly through through a quote-again :p). So I managed to talk to some of my model friends and requested them to refer him or at least contact him if their agencies need any fresh face. And within two weeks he had a status saying that he had a massive news to tell. And I instantly knew he signed a modelling contract. I just couldn’t control my joy and messaged him right away asking if he signed a contract. He said yes he did but it was not because of my model friends but an agency he always wanted to be a part of. And there was an instant spark between us though it was the first time we talked to each other.
But then we never talked. He was famous now,you see. And by now I was pretty sure that I have feelings for him because I never felt this telepathy sort of thing with anyone. There are so many like SO MANY incidents where what I had a gut feeling of were right in his case. He had a terrible relationship with a girl and was yet not able to get out out of it and started posting humiliating and derogatory things about women and I just couldn’t control myself and dropped an anonymous message on his account that he was just unlucky that it didn’t turn out the right way with her ex. I had no expectation to get a reply but he did again- indirectly. He posted a picture which was a famous line of Anïus Min and captioned it with the date 1 October 2015. I instantly felt it hinted at me. But then I wasn’t sure so I checked the details of that anonymous message I had sent and the date was 1.10.2015. A series of such anonymous messages and indirect replies followed until I got frustrated by his arrogance and said him right at his face that GET OVER IT or your future will not be as bright as you want it to be. And he took my words so seriously that he came out of it within a month which he was not able to do in 2 years. And now he is searching for me and posts these soulmates and twin flames quotes but I am afraid to come out as I fear that I would hurt myself again like I did 5 years back. He thinks it is a soul connection but I still doubt it.
And it scares me a lot more because ever since 11 May 2013, I have been dreaming of someone who is standing right in front of me, looking straight into my eyes and seeing through my soul. It’s very intimidating as I only see the eyes and nothing else. And the first time I saw his front picture, I looked into his eyes and those eyes I see in my dreams were his. And most importantly, I got to know about his existence on June 2014. So I am really confused and a bit freaked out at the same time. Kindly help me figure out what it is. Hugs 💛
Hi Dora, you are the ultimate authority on what this is, it does sound to me to have soul connection elements. In which case, there are always lessons on both sides, but not necessarily a relationship. Focus on you and what you are learning because of course, you have no control over what he is doing. But, a strong dislike can be indicative of you being emotionally triggered. If you would like further help, let me know and we can make an appointment. Blessings, v
Interesting. I was looking for information on the twin flame thing. I met someone who looked so familiar. Yet, I didn’t know him. He was covered in gold light. It danced around him. I thought it was sunlight. I later realized it was not possible for it to have been the sun. There were no windows that would have allowed that, the only window faced North. All I know is this guy has turned my world upside down! He won’t go away. I have learned a great deal about myself and been taught many lessons. Your insight and questioning of this “theory” of twin flames is very interesting to me. Do you have more?
Gold light has a lot of interesting associations, can be the sign of awakening as saints etc have gold halos around their crown and 8th chakras, it could also be a part of the aura, and it has been linked to twin flames (not that I am saying you are a twin flame, I would really have to take a much deeper look for that.) I have learned over 6 plus years twin flames is not a theory. But it has to be experienced to be understood. If you have general questions I am happy to answer them here or in email. If you need help with your individual circumstances we can set up an appointment. Eventually I will be writing a book on this subject, for now it is a challenge to keep up with the client load! Blessings, Victoria