Soul Mates and Twin Flames

How to Find a Loving Relationship

| victoriazaitz

Many of my single clients ask me when they will find a partner or how to meet their soul mate.  Many of my female clients speak of feeling an intense desire to find this, particularly if they are reaching the end of their childbearing years.  Definitions aside, what I think people are really looking for in a “soul mate” (beyond a good parent for their offspring) is a healthy, loving relationship, with a person who is a good fit for them.  A totally understandable and very normal  human need.

However, sometimes this human need does have origins and elements of personal issues that need to be worked out.  My intuitive insight is specific for each person, of course, but generally, my first point of advice is to get a handle on any feelings of desperation.  We do spend a lot of time trying to find happiness outside of ourselves, so a big consideration is just being happy with oneself, which is the journey of all of us, really.  This is definitely not something that will generally be encouraged by a culture constantly telling us that the breakfast cereal we eat or the car we buy will magnetize someone to them–a la Axe Body spray.  The general message is one of buy more stuff, or focus more on your personal appearance, and this in turn, makes you happy and therefore attractive to others.  In the new age and spiritual community, the take is different.  Since the law of attraction has hit our culture, we may think that through the power of desire, intention, acting ‘as if’ you already have what you want, creating your own reality through your thoughts, and affirming and visualizing your way to what you want can make it happen for you just like magic.

Let’s look at this law of attraction from a different angle.  If you are in a state of desperately searching for someone, constantly trolling online dating sites to exclusion of other daily functions, and are so worried that you will never find that person, you are focusing on what you feel to be is a very large LACK.  You are focusing negatively on what you do not have and are expending a lot of emotional energy fretting and writhing. Law of attraction aside, I think mostly what this achieves is a state of frustration.  It may not be easy but the first step is to stop the desperation, stop the worry, and even, stop incessantly looking.  If you want to make the law of attraction work for you, and go about your life in a healthier and happier way, then you must examine those feelings of desperation, understand where they are coming from, feel them, and resolve to release them and move on.  Notice I did not say, lock yourself in a closet and repeat “I have found my soul mate, I have found my soul mate,” until you are blue in the face. Any amount of repeated positive affirmations is not going to do squat for you if somewhere in there, in your energy, you are truly, unhappy with yourself and incredibly desperate to fix this through the “other.”

As a psychic, to me energy is everything.  Many people are surprised to find out in readings that energetically, what they thought they were “over,” and had never processed but merely shoved under the rug, is still there.  In some ways, what you resist, do not allow yourself to experience, and suppress, persists.  Clients who are truly interested in finding out where they may be blocking themselves and who do the self work to release these blocks, are going to progress much faster than those who do not wish to deal with their pain, their suffering, their traumas, their childhoods, their emotions, etc.  This is not to place blame on yourself if the partner of your dreams does not show up tomorrow.  But in truth, the only control we have is over ourselves, and our own happiness.  At any point, we can start that process.

The best advice I have, rather than spending your money on books and programs that promise to bring your soul mate to you, is to concentrate on yourself.  This seems a little counter-intuitive, but, it works.  Take an honest look at yourself.  Are you happy with who you are?  Are you still carrying negative self talk in your brain?  These issues are all very important, irrespective of your search for a partner, and these are lifelong issues to consider.  However, working through things and becoming happier, and loosening your grip on your “must have a partner” mantra is going to help you attract just what you need, and learn a lot along the way.

What do I mean by this? I mean be the person you want to see and to attract.  We are in constant relationship in our lives, to our pets, to the planet, to ourselves, to our bosses, to everything.  By being the “change you want to see,” you are  improving your relationship with the entire cosmos.  But cultivating a good heart vis-a-vis ALL of your relationships, you are raising your vibration, and by raising your vibration you are happy….no matter who or what comes along, or doesn’t. 🙂

Raising your vibration and clearing your baggage also does attract a new energy to you.  It makes it more likely that the kind of person you want will find you.  Of course, we can’t be doing it just for that reason.  We have to do it for ourselves.  This is a process of SELF-LOVE.

How can we do this?  By developing your most cherished talents and abilities and giving these back to the world.  Look at your soul—who are you?  What are you here to give to others?  What makes you excited and feeling good about your life?  One little secret is, that by feeling purposeful by helping others, and by giving, we receive more than we could ever imagine.  Go out and pursue the things that interest you.  Get involved with others.  Give what you are meant to give to this world to make it a better place.  Then guess what happens when you are an animal lover and you decide to start volunteering at your local animal shelter?  Not only are you happy with the time you are spending in your life, you are also around others who love animals as you do.  You connect more with those who are on your wavelength.  You feel less isolated, more purposeful, and happy.  And then one day…..you make friends, and you find your awesome animal lover dude, or dude-et!

Work through your blocks and work on your issues and “stuff.”  If you need help, ask for it.  It is often very helpful to work on understanding and releasing things with a therapist, with a friend, with spiritual practitioners.  Specifically, work on being clear of your relationship baggage. Let go of the past!! Be ready to open your heart and love again!  Many of us, because of tough experiences we have had, close down our hearts.  We try to protect ourselves from the love we want because we fear pain.  But, pain is a part of life.  It can strengthen you, and you can grow from those experiences.  You would never be the person you are now, without having gone through everything that has been hard for you.  Does this mean that once you open your heart again, that your relationship will be pain-free and that person will never hurt you? No, that is not possible.  You will be hurt.  But you will also love.  If you don’t take the risk to love, your heart is hurting, you are disconnected, you shut down, and you do not allow the love that you want. How’s that for a regret?

You can also have a spiritual focus and be authentic in your life.  This helps you to deal with challenges that come your way.  Being yourself, a life-long lesson for many, can bring you so much happiness in itself.  And if you are not yourself, and are living someone else’s life proscribed for you, then how can you expect to attract anyone who can see the real you?

Listen to your intuitions about people and follow them!! But note, that we don’t listen to our intuitions in order to be pain-free.  There is no such thing as pain-free.  Stop looking for that, it is not realistic.  But you can listen to what your heart is saying.  And, allow yourself to get really clear on this.  Do I want this, or don’t I?

Intention, visualization, affirmations, etc can help but YOU must be ready on a soul level, YOU must do the work.  Having an intention that is positive is great, but intentions must be backed up by actions.  Visualization and affirmations are great, they are tools you can use to affirm the work you have already done.  But the work happens inside you.  There are simply, no quick fixes, magical cures, spells, potions, prayers, or mojo that is going to do your work for you.  No psychic in the world is going to re-unite you with your ex, or do some hocus pocus on you that is going to solve your problems.  I think that what the law of attraction does, is attract what is resonating with your energy, and your energy is deeper than a 5 minute affirmation.  You must believe what you are affirming, truly, deep down in your guts.

Finally, believe that it is possible, and let the universe do the rest.  Let go, and trust that what you need in life, comes to you in the way it needs to on the time schedule that best suits everyone.

Elements of a Healthy Relationship

| victoriazaitz
Maybe this post won’t attract as much attention as those on twin flames and soul mates, which may or may not, actually be a healthy relationship!  I do think it is very important to know what is healthy, if your relationship is not, maybe these are points you can start with.  I have read a lot, and have seen a lot, of twin flames, or soul mates, who will justify other’s behaviors and allow themselves to be destroyed by someone because they are your soul mate, or twin flame.  SELF-LOVE, that is what we forget in these situations, and that’s pretty much all I have to say.
These are things you can only change about yourself.  You cannot change another person, without the express free will and desire on their part, and then THEIR ACTION, to change.  The best person for you to worry about is yourself, because you can change yourself.  If your relationship is not healthy, you have a few choices.  You both work TOGETHER on it, or you don’t engage in the unhealthy behavior.  And sometimes it does mean that the nature of the relationship must change, or the relationship needs to end.  Yes, I said…end.  Relationships are not a failure necessarily just because they change or end.  It may not be that simple to do, but in theory, it really is that simple.  🙂
Do you have……
  • Mutual respect
  • Moving towards unconditional love and acceptance
  • Realistic and accepting of faults and imperfections, not overly romanticized
  • No ignoring and no need to chase, no running
  • VERY LITTLE emotional abuse, verbal, or physical ( abuse is not ok, that being said, we are not perfect, it is not abuse just because you disagree)
  • Very little ego games and emotional manipulation
  • Willingness to learn and understand the other, compassion
  • Commitment in some form, effort is shown and reciprocated
  • Allows you to grow individually, not only when together, relationship is a priority but does not take over your life
  • Agreements are kept
  • You can say no!
  • They act like they care and so do you! It is nurturing, comfortable and fun
  • Emotions are dealt with in a real way, no need for drama, conflicts and differences are managed without major despair and threats
  • Communication of wants, needs, feelings without shame
  • Honesty
  • Compatibility
  • You are BOTH healthy enough to be able to love (ex:  someone who is addicted to drugs or alcohol has no business doing anything but turning an immediate emergency supply of love to themselves, FIRST)
  • You don’t need the relationship to be happy or a whole person.

If you want a relationship like this, BE the person you wanna SEE.  It is mostly about your ability to BE love and a loving person, when you are able to do this, and love yourself, you will attract someone who can mirror these qualities back to you, eventually!

Twin Flames 101

| victoriazaitz

2015 edit please read: This is an older post–2 years ago. Like anyone who is changing and growing, my views on twin flames in particular has evolved from this article. I am leaving it up though as additional food for thought rather than editing it.  Many twin flame teachers express that the info out there on twin flames is old, I tend to concur….but I will hold to this also: In order to really understand twin flames, you have to be one.  Not just that though, you have to KNOW you are one.  I am one.  I know I am one.  So I am not saying at any point that I question its reality or validity–I don’t.

But because in the beginning many soul connections can be similar, even those who have been through soul mates before do not immediately know they are a twin flame.  This was the case for me.  I have resisted this label personally because twin flames are rare.  I will not talk about anything that I have not learned or experienced, and I will only talk about the things I understand. It has been quite a lot over the journey of 6 soul mates and a twin flame.  Every twin flame situation is different.  So see this article as part of my personal process.  I will be speaking much more on twin flames so stay tuned!!!

———————

While a lot has been written on the subject of soul mates, and it is generally a concept more in the mainstream (although in my opinion, the mainstream take on it is largely misunderstood), the concept of twin flames is more prominent with the “new age” crowd.  Although, as you can grasp from Elizabeth Claire Prophet’s work, the concept itself is much older, going back to Plato, at least.  That being said, there is a fair amount of information out there, particularly on the internet. There are plenty of sites run by those who identify as twin flames, message boards, Facebook groups, and the like. But unless you fly the new age sky, you are not likely to have heard about it.

The information available  is hard to prove theoretically speaking.  Like any spiritual set of ideas, there is no way to know for sure.  I think this is so important for people to understand.  We can accept what resonates and rings true for us, but any system for viewing the world is a lens through which we look, and sometimes, we are looking through that lens inside of a box.  If we don’t comprehend that, we run the risk of  “metaphysical fundamentalism, ” equally as attached to our concepts and potentially just as close-minded as any other fundamentalist–and then we really miss the larger point.  Those who identify as twin flames say that they “just know” and so the need for proof is really moot.  Intuitively, that is totally understandable, as one can’t argue with personal experience, and I would never even try.  🙂  Personal experience is what it is–relative–and meaningful in a personal way. But personal experience, also, does not necessarily make an entire theory infallible.

Much of the information on twin flames, if not historical in nature (twin flames in history and literature, etc) is channeled (claimed to have been ‘downloaded’ from a higher source than the ego,) and/or comes from those who take on the “twin flame” label.  I have nothing against either source of information as real and valid, however, the issue arises of trying to find an absolute, across the board, applicable truth in a set of  ideas that are often contradictory.   I provide all of these caveats and preludes to what I think because it is a drama-laden topic. This is an area that has caused more controversy than soul mates, and I have found in teaching it, has ruffled the most feathers and is an area where ego can run amok.  I have learned over the years of being involved with the metaphysical community that spirituality does not make one immune from egoism.  None of us really are immune from the ego’s slinky ways.  😀

Some who identify as twin flames have been sure to “school” me and seek me out, claiming that they have the real information, and they want to make sure that I don’t put out any “misinformation.” Oh, yoi.  I have not put forth any theories or information that have not already been claimed by someone else self-identifying as a twin flame. I think people should think about why twin flames contradict each other, rather than shooting the messenger for presenting the information as it stands.  What I have done is organize my thoughts based on the research I have done, people I have talked to, and added some psychological insight and critical thinking skills. Like everybody else, I have tried to sort it out because I have been through many soul mates, and was curious to find out if the twin flame category could apply to my experiences.  I have pretty much decided that it has not applied so far, but maybe even more importantly, that the distinction just does not matter that much.  Although, there is no way to know for anybody, unless they go through it.  Like a lot of things in life, maybe it is something that may be best understood in hindsight.

In any case, in my teachings on the subject, including what has been taught in Lily Dale, I am very careful to note when ideas are theories and when I am talking about patterns in people’s experiences.  There is a difference.

As usual though, I wonder about what exactly can be considered the “real information.”  I certainly don’t claim to have THE answers.  But I do think I have some good questions.  Here is one example.  It has been written in a few sources (mainly channeled) that there are only 144 twin flame pairs in existence on the planet currently.  This is the kind of thing you can’t prove, unless you are taking a poll and doing some very serious research.  How otherwise, would one know for sure that there are, exactly, 144?  Just where does this number come from?  Part of my point is–well, that’s interesting, but, does it really matter?

It is touchy, because many twin flames teach that it is a rare phenomenon (and I tend to agree,) while everyone having a deep and transformative soul connection experience would like to think that they have found their twin flame.  There is a reason for this, and many people may not like to hear it, but there is an unspoken assumption that twin flames are the creme de la creme of relationships, the ultimate union, and as such, destined and almost mandated, to reunite and complete their mission.  Therefore, everyone wants to fit themselves into this label.

Because, I think, of the misinterpretation of soul mates in mainstream culture, soul mates and twin flames are quite romanticized, twin flames to an even higher degree.  I was guilty of this fallacy myself, as I have been through many soul mates, and each one could have qualified for the beginning stages of a twin flame connection.  You can have some very powerful and profound soul mate connections that are very easy to assign a twin flame label to.  In some of my classes people have just been mortified to find out that their relationship did not fit the common descriptors for a twin flame, so they would be very upset with me for presenting the ideas.  Some are quite obviously, and understandably, very attached to their label.  While it is not my job to personally confirm or deny anything, I think that if twin flames truly exist, they are rare, and most people, by and large, are having soul mate experiences.  That does not make them any less important, though.

Like everyone else, I wanted to make my situation fit into this label, because if I did, I could be told by an innumerable number of message boards and psychics  that all I had to do was just work on myself, and my twin flame situation would come to a reunion stage, because that is the twin flame destiny for us all.  In fact, I have been told just that by people who identify as twin flames and claim to be able to diagnose the situation for others.  You can probably see why at this point, everyone has a desire to be one. However, saying that the end result of a relationship depends entirely upon one’s own ability to “ascend” may also put too much guilt and responsibility on those who may not have total control over the relationship’s outcome.  This could be one of those instances of new age guilt (you control your reality, so if your reality sucks, well then, so do you.) I think a lot depends on your ability to grow, but it takes two free will beings to tango, do the work required, and grow together.  It may also be worth noting to try to take information from others with a grain of salt. They may be projecting their own desires, or ego, on to you, which is not helpful.  To paraphrase Buddha, examine things for yourself, not because someone (even the Buddha) told you so.

Because of the wide variation of information on the internet, every site has their own set of qualifiers for both soul mates and twin flames. (I have listed my own set as well, in another post.)  They of course, all vary from site to site and person to person.  However, there are many similarities between soul mates and twin flames.  That is not to say that other’s lists of signs are not valid, but I have not separated these “signs” into a separate twin flame and soul mate list.  Why not?  Because the information varies.  Something that one person calls a soul mate another person calls a twin flame.  You can have soul mate signs that are very much like twin flame signs.  I do think we in the new age and spiritual community, love to put names and labels on things.

One thing I can say for absolute certain, based on personal experience and other people’s personal experience, is that these signs and symptoms of what I will call more broadly, “soul connections,” are in fact very real, meaningful, and spiritual in terms of how they create circumstances that grow the soul.  From what I have observed, and experienced personally, this issue with labels has created a whole lot of drama and there are many problems and unhealthy situations that come from drawing a hard line in the soul connection sand.  I really have hesitated in putting this post out and making the distinction between the two, because many people will read this, assign the twin flame label, and then proceed to self justify a whole slew of unhealthy things, in the name of the Twin Flame. I don’t want to encourage that.

There is a general undercurrent of hot debate (though clothed in polite language, usually) within the new age community about who is and who is not a twin flame, who is the “real deal,” who is fake, who has the right information, who is wrong, and it is enough to make anyone’s head spin right off. According to some people, I have no right to write about it or teach about it, since I am not one (but then, how do they know?)   Not to mention, there is channeled information that contradicts other channeled information, and twin flames contradict other twin flames.

So what is one supposed to think?

Do I believe twin flames are real?  I believe that there are experiences of real people who seem to fit a pattern that one can definitely categorize as a soul connection, and you can call it a twin flame if you want.  As I say about soul mates, what matters are people’s experiences, and if there are any patterns to be found, and if so, what can we learn from that? It appears to be similar to soul mates with some additional differences. In general, I refer to any soul connections (soul mates, twin flames) as soul connections mostly because I feel that what can be learned from them is, on a the scale of spiritual lessons, still relatively similar. And, I sense, that putting labels on things can cause some major problems, as I said repeatedly at this point.

So what are twin flames?  Here comes the theoretical part.  The prevailing theory is that you have only one (which is now on message boards, very hotly debated) and they are, basically, the other half of your soul.  Going back to the creation of the universe, which we can somewhat verify within at least a few seconds of the big bang, we all started (everything started) as a very dense speck of matter and energy, which then expanded into galaxies, planets, lifeforms and, also–souls and soul groups or families.  Those in your soul group or soul family are closer to you from the moment of creation.  These would include your soul mates.  So the theory is that a twin flame is that spark of you, your soul, that then split off into another entity.  It is still you, but another part of you, your compliment, and some ways, your opposite.

As we operate in a world of duality (left/right, male/female, dark/light), it is thought that there is a predominately masculine and a predominately feminine aspect of yourself that has split into two (bodies, if both are incarnated,  or just souls , if one happens to not be incarnated at the same time as you.)  Some people think most people’s twins are not incarnated, but are helping from the other side.  (Who knows? But I do know people claim to have met their twin flames in a body.)  Your twin flame can be thought of as your closest soul mate or member of your soul family, so close in fact, that they ARE you.  (I think, though, that since we all came from that little speck, we are all really one, but maybe because we feel so bonded to our soul connections, it is easier to realize this with them.)  Theoretically, one purpose of twin flames is an attempt to unify the masculine and feminine energies of your soul.  That is why, theoretically, you are supposed to be in your last lifetime on earth when you meet your twin, to integrate that aspect of yourself back into your soul, which then, will re-unite with the Godhead, never to re-incarnate again, as you have become fully integrated and whole as a soul.  Many twin flame lessons, from people’s experiences, do seem to be about balancing the male and female polarities within themselves.  As I said, I can’t prove this, so it remains, at least to me…theory.

But you can see how, anyone’s ego would love to jump on this bandwagon, no?  So they can say that they are the true and real authority on twin flames (since there are so few, they are special.)  And that, they are so advanced, that this is their last lifetime on earth and they are here to teach the rest of us folks who just don’t get it.  As a student of psychology, I can definitely see how this COULD be co-opted by an ego for various reasons.  But to be fair, so could any other new age concept.

I am interested in the experiences of those who identify as twin flames, though.  And there do seem to be some additional patterns that I think are rare, because you don’t see them very often. To give you an idea, I have been counseling people since 2007.  I have talked to thousands of people.  I believe I have really met only ONE (as my client) who seems to fit the distinction.  I have a vague idea that some others I know are also twin flames, but we have never had an extensive conversation about it.  I am going to have this person do a guest blog entry, to give you an idea of what this experience is like.  It is in part because I have witnessed this experience that I feel that there is any distinction to be made at all.

Generally, many of the symptoms of soul mates can be carried over to twin flames, and I have talked about those things elsewhere in my posts.  People seem to agree that these signs are similar but more intense than soul mates.  In addition, there will be a feeling that the person is YOU–not similar to you, but IS YOU.  There is a recognition of oneness that is uncanny, although you are likely to be very different from one another in some key areas such as (age, culture, race, religion, etc.)  One of the key factors is that twin flames are here to accomplish a mission together.  This mission is not just the relationship.  It has to do with life purpose, and is generally spiritual, humanitarian, or contributes greatly to an area of society.  The relationship is not just about personal growth as soul mates are, it is about personal transformation that is meant to achieve something, and that contribution is more than the sum of its parts.  Examples would be, starting a spiritual center together, creating music together, contributing to the scientific field, etc.  Twin flames deepen your spiritual purpose on this planet.  So, new or young souls have probably not met their twin yet, as the theory goes.  You will meet your twin flame when you are already on a spiritual path, and it is likely, you have already had a few soul mates, with increasing lessons of difficulty to prepare you for the twin flame experience.

It can also be said that sexuality is a powerful element with twin flames, after all, we are talking about uniting the Self/Soul and bringing together the male and female energies.  🙂  It is debated, for reasons I know not, about whether twin flames have to be a male and female pair.  Some people say twin flames are never of the same physical sex.  Since I have been well schooled in the areas of gender identity and knowing that you cannot exclusively assign “masculine” and “feminine” to “male” and “female,” respectively, I have my doubts that it HAS to be that way.  But in any case, people describe a complete “soul merging” experience, whereby their chakras and energies are merged.  From what I understand, this can take some time as the energies learn to integrate.  Powerful sexuality between twin flames can be jointly channeled towards personal and collective healing goals.
There are some other patterns and similarities.  Many twin flames have very large age differences, as much as 40 or more years, which definitely can complicate matters.  As mentioned, many twin flames are separated by vastly different cultures, racial backgrounds, and even continents.  This could be understood as an attempt to integrate and unify a more extreme set of differences, in that way, twin flames are great examples for the rest of humanity that has generally not learned how to love people who are so different from them.  Many twin flame’s contributions to society stem from a dual talent in science (left-brained twins,) the arts (right-brained twins, to simplify greatly,) or in the spiritual contributions.  Talents and abilities can be different also, but are  usually complimentary.
Psychics and twin flames themselves note seeing a golden light or aura with their twins or in situations involving their twin, also I have heard there is an infinity symbol connecting the two flames energetically, although I have never seen such a thing personally.  Some twins describe a process whereby they feel their DNA is fusing with the DNA of their twin.
One of the biggest issues though, when it comes to labels, is that people truly feel that if they are in a twin flame situation, they are destined to be with their twin flame, and that is what makes it very special and distinguishable from soul mates.  One teacher has propagated what I think is a very unhealthy expectation, that all twin flames would be re-united (in the physical world) by December 21, 2012.  That leaves everyone who did not re-unite with their twin in one heck of a quandary, no? What, did all the twin flames get “left behind?”  (bad joke.)
Truly, in this whole soul mate and twin flame debate, who is who and which is which, I think the labels have created a lot of the problems for people.  Some people will be with their twin flame or soul mate, some people won’t, at least that is how it appears to me, for all the reasons and growth lessons  involved with why things turn out the way they do.  I think a lot more needs to be written and the focus needs to be on what people are learning from these experiences, rather than who is right and who is wrong, and getting very attached and hung up on labels, in addition to expectations of eternal togetherness.  How are people growing from these experiences, how do people cope, and perhaps very importantly, what is healthy?  Because twin flame, soul mate, twin ray, or not, how can we handle the situations we find ourselves in, in the best, most healthy way?  How can we see that these kinds of relationships are meant for our betterment?
So, to me, the distinction doesn’t matter so much anymore, trying to place a set of ideas on a personal experience and expecting the outcome that we think is best, is not healthy for anybody, except, maybe the ego.   With all of these situations, we are learning how to love, but I think we often forget, we are also learning how to love ourselves.  I don’t think loving ourselves entails torturing ourselves with relationships that are not healthy for us.  As spiritual people, we all really do need to look at ourselves.  We can’t justify doing things such as, deliberately breaking up another relationship that our soul connection is having, because we are so advanced and so therefore, we must “teach them a lesson.”  We can’t justify holding on so tightly to the idea of reunion that we rob ourselves of our own ability to be happy in the here and now.  We can’t justify abuse and bad behavior from someone because they are our “twin flame.”  As far as I see it, if you are trying to help other people through these relationships, you have to help them deal with the reality of their connection in the NOW.  Yes, soul connections are special, and we learn a great deal from them, whether we are with them or not, now–or in the future.  So ask yourself, what you are learning about yourself?  And are you learning how to love yourself and other people?  In the end, I think that is what truly, truly, matters.  And all relationships are in the business of teaching us just that.  Soul connections just amplify this point.  😀

Dynamics of a Soul Mate Relationship

| victoriazaitz
“The human heart feels things the eyes cannot see, and knows what the mind cannot understand” –Robert Vallett

Soul mate relationships follow a pattern and have many similarities in the their dynamics.  One person’s experience is fairly relatable to other people’s experiences.  I know this from going through it multiple times, and from reading, hearing about, and researching people’s experiences.  That is what I find most fascinating about the topic.  Plenty of people have new age theories about soul mates and twin flames, which are all interesting, but they can’t be proven.  You would not expect a psychic such as myself to be skeptical, but I like to think that I can back up what I believe with personal experience and evidence.  That is why I don’t go into theories in great detail in my classes on the subject.  I present interesting thoughts, but I am sure to say they are theories, not facts. So, the pattern explained below  is based on actual personal experiences of people who have been through the soul mate trip.

 

If you want to know what a soul mate is, please read Soul Mates 101.  For the common signs that you have met a soul mate or twin flame (they are similar, especially at the beginning,) please read Signs of  a Soul Mate or Twin Flame. Please know that when I am talking about soul mates, I am referencing a specific type of relationship.  Soul mate relationships are not necessarily healthy or “good” relationships (of course, good is relative!)  Because of our cultural conditioning, many people wrongly equate the term soul mate with an ideal relationship.  But if you read anything worth its salt on the subject, that is not fluff, you will see that soul mates are less about things turning out exactly the way you want, and more about things turning out the way you need them to, in order to grow, as a SOUL.  I will write more about what makes a spiritual partnership and a healthy relationship, as these are important, (and, what most people are really looking for,) but not necessarily the same as a soul mate.

 

This post is meant as an additional identifier, describing the pattern and the likely series of events so a soul mate situation can be understood for what it is, and so you understand you are not alone in this.  Thousands–if not more–people are going through this right now and probably even more have been through it.  People like to say that soul mates only happen to old souls.  One clarification on that–I think we attract what we are and what we need, and if you are not in touch with your soul, or even recognize that you have one–you are not likely to be ready for a soul mate.

 

You meet a soul mate.  What is this like?  It varies slightly.  At some point, there is what I call a “moment of recognition.”  This can happen immediately, as in love at first sight (or at first type, if it is online.)  Or, it can take a little bit of time.  But it always happens at some point.  If it hits you later, such as after being friends with someone for a while (and maybe you had not thought of them in “that way,”) it will hit you hard.  If it happens immediately, you know it.  It can be any number of things, from an energetic feeling in your heart chakra, third eye, or sacral chakra…to a sense of familiarity and knowing them before, to full downloads of past life memories.  But you know it is different.  You know you have a special connection that is probably hard to put words to.

 

After this, there is a strange series of events.  These are detailed in the Signs of a Soul Mate or Twin Flame post.  Synchronicities happen.  For those of you who don’t know, this is an event that has a sense of meaning to it, it seems like a coincidence, but you know better.  Example: Your soul mate’s name is Bennett.  I pick that name because it is different.  The next thing you know, you see Bennett on a license plate, there are songs on the radio about Bennett, you meet 3 other people named Bennett, etc.  You get the idea.  This is the universe’s way of saying, hey, pay attention, this is important.  Generally, you will have synchronicities happen throughout the relationship, but especially at critical points, when shifts and changes are happening and you need to pay attention.

 

At some point, soul mates usually have psychic and telepathic communication.  Awareness of this varies, and you have to be open to noticing it, but I can say that, even as a professional psychic (I was a professional when I had my first soul mate encounter), this part was intense.  Example:  your soul mate has chronic headaches, and now, you seem to, also.  Your soul mate has a bad day, gets angry at work, and at the same moment out of the blue, you feel angry.  You ask her about it later and true enough, you were correct.  Your soul mate is married (c0mmon) and you know when your soul mate and husband have had a fight.  You may even know what it was about.  This can also be full-blown conversations–how you distinguish this from wishful thinking on your part, is–does the conversation sound like your soul mate would sound?  Words they use, how they talk, figures of speech, grammar?  Especially if they are telling you things that maybe you don’t like.  You’re head is not going to make that up.  Generally you will have a good idea about what is going on with them at any given point, even if you are no longer talking to them or you are in another country.  Time and space are not relevant to this connection in the same way that Newton’s physics works.  Why? Because you are connected, deeply.

 

Prior to meeting, you may have had a dream of meeting this person.  There may be a lot of communication in dreams.  I have learned a lot of things about soul mates in this way.  Sometimes the SOUL of a soul mate wishes to communicate with you, but may not be able to communicate because their ego is blocking it.  (Sounds a little batcrap nuts, but I assure you, it is not.)  You could then have these dreams and “visits.”  And yes, even sexual types of encounters, that may seem or may actually be, very physical.

 

You may be aware of meeting this person before, with a vague sense that maybe you have lived a past life together.  You may have memories of this, or it may play out in the dynamics of the relationship.  Example:  you have a compelling feeling that you are responsible for and need to protect your soul mate.  You are not sure where this comes from, but for some reason you are always worried about this.  You do a soul journey, or a meditation, and the source of this feeling is revealed. Maybe you could not protect her from something in the past, and now, you overcompensate.

 

Soul mates generally trigger some form of spiritual awakening in each other.  What does this mean?  It means even if you have only peripherally been exploring  your spirituality or you are a beginner, this now seems to be quite a large part of your consciousness and, of the connection.  You may have mystical experiences with that person that open your eyes to a whole new level of reality.  You may have transcendent sexual experiences with them that you have never had before.  You become more aware that you are a soul, having a human experience.

 

 

A lot of the above will happen when you are in contact with your soul mate, but often will still happen without any contact at all.  Which brings me to the next phase.

 

Meeting a soul mate is an intense experience.  If someone has never met one before, chances are it’s going to scare them, at least a little bit.  Heck, it will probably scare you too.  Even so, it will be very hard for you to resist the connection, no matter what the circumstances are (soul mate is unavailable or married, soul mate is on another continent, etc.)  You will be in a near-constant tug back to this person, usually for quite some time.  But, at some point, for whatever reason, a “runner” and a “stayer” dynamic is commonly established.  If you are the “runner,”  you will try to escape in some form or another.  Maybe you will stop talking to your soul mate out of the blue, with never another word.  If you are the “stayer,” you will most likely be mystified by the runner’s reasoning for this.  I mean, wow–we are having this incredible, mind-blowing connection, and the runner wants to give that up?  What are the reasons for this?  Well, the reasons can vary but you can bet it has to do with their “issues” that they don’t choose to face at this point in time.  Maybe they are married and don’t want to lose their current partner.  Maybe they are afraid of having such a deep connection (afraid of intimacy and even love.)  Now keep in mind that these roles can reverse, too, whenever there is “stuff” and  issues that come up, because a lot of times, people (including you) may just not want to deal with their “stuff.” Hey, we are human.

 

But here’s the deal.  Even if they run, or you run, there is no running really, because you remain connected.  All of the signs and symbols continue to happen, even when one cuts ties.  What’s happening is that both of you are feeling the confusion of having your issues laid before you, not knowing what to do about this connection, being blown out of the water, and realizing, that if you want to be together, that would require some major, personal growth or changes.

 

This is where the separation period comes in.  This can last a long time.  Years, even.  You may play the “push and pull” game for a while.  The purpose of this time, if we use it wisely, is to reflect on ourselves.  To look at what this relationship brings up for us, and to decide what we are going to do about it.  It is a time of deep introspection.  Sometimes, this is good, despite the fact that it feels so wrong and bad, because each of you needs time to get your head together, process the connection, what it is, and what it means.  This is where you and your soul mate process lessons and feelings.  And often, this really needs to be done separately.  Now, all of your issues (or at least some significant ones) have been outed.  You are a little exposed.  Y0u are feeling vulnerable.  Your soul mate may “mirror” you with the exact same issues as you (you are both alcoholics and something needs to be done about that, for example) or the issues can be different but related.  But boy, you will trigger things to be cleared out in one another.

 

What happens next?  In the case of karmic soul mates, one or both of you will learn the lessons, and slowly move on.  Yes, moving on is possible.  Example of karmic soul mate:  You have been in a relationship for a very long time.  You are vaguely aware that it is really over, but you can’t bring yourself to leave it, because it makes you feel secure in some way, but for all the wrong reasons.  In pops a karmic soul mate.  All of a sudden, you have these intense feelings for someone else, which at minimum, will make you question your long-term relationship.  You meet the soul mate on vacation with some friends.  You are only going to see each other for 2 weeks.  But in that time, you know that this person has changed your life.  You may never talk to them or see them again, but they have done something for you.  You realize that you are holding on to a relationship that is no longer good for you.  Suddenly, you see that abuse has been happening, and you have been justifying that.  So, as a result of this encounter, you decide to make a positive change.  You are not with the soul mate, in fact, you are now alone.  But happier, because you are no longer unhappy with your mate.  You may try to hold on to this soul mate, but you see, they were not meant for that.  Maybe they are in a relationship with someone else.  You learn what you are meant to, and eventually, you are able to move forward.

 

If you and your soul mate are able to learn from your experience together what you are meant to learn, and you are not karmic soul mates, you may re-unite at some point (when the time is right!) to learn more lessons.  You may re-unite because there is a further purpose for the relationship.  We only know this by going through it.

 

If one or both of you do not choose to learn from this experience, guess what?  Lessons have a way of coming around again to bite you in the behind.  If we don’t get it the first time around, we often try, try again.  The lessons appear again in another form, or person, and maybe even another soul mate.  So, there is value in doing this self-work.  It may help you to stop repeating negative relationship patterns.  One thing is for sure, if you do the work, you are going to be a stronger, better person.  I guarantee it 🙂