Relationships

Twin flame push & pull or unhealthy co-dependence? Beware of the twin flame label!

| victoriazaitz

One of the most enlightened posts I have ever read on this subject, so clear it’s crystal in terms of accurately describing the difference between a twin flame and other types of connections.

sweetlemuria's avatarMirror of my soul - Stories of you, me, the world and eternity

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Many are nowadays desperately seeking their twin flame and so they studiously assess each person they meet against their own twin flame criteria. These people believe that meeting the twin flame is not so much a matter of divine intervention as it is an inevitability since they are convinced it is only a matter of time. Sure enough, as soon as they fall head over heels madly in love with someone they claim this person as their twin flame. The danger here is that when problems later appear and they find themselves in a dysfunctional relationship or unhealthy, prolonged on-off pattern with this person, rather than re-evaluating the relationship for what it’s worth they cling onto this person and justify their mutual behaviours under the twin flame label.

With all relationships what matters is how it is making you feel inside and how it changes you. Therefore I would like to start…

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Soul Mates and Twin Flames: The Runner and Chaser Dynamic

| victoriazaitz

Hi ya 🙂  Wanted to put together something very quickly to help people understand the dreaded, runner/chaser dynamic in soul connection relationships.  It is applicable to all soul connections and is actually more prevalent in them.

For anyone who says this does not exist or is only something a false twin flame or false connection would do, that is just not true. It does exist.

The runner and chaser are roles that occur interchangeably for each side of the connection. Usually one person will predominately run (typically the masculine energy) and other will predominately chase (typically the feminine energy)  But they can switch.  The key thing to remember is that this is largely an unconscious pattern, making it conscious and learning how to eliminate it and do NEITHER will go along way towards making progress, either in the relationship or in the personal growth of both sides.

So what is a “runner?”  Runners and chasers, really, are actually doing the same thing.  They are running away from themselves.  Runners are not running away from you.  They run away from what they see reflected back at them, through you.  They run from the things they don’t want to see, they don’t want to do, they don’t want to change, and you bring that all up for them to deal with.  They may also run from the power of unconditional love, from the intensity of the connection, but they are still only running from themselves.  What are running behaviors?  Refusal to communicate when communication is needed, cutting all ties, disappearing, denial of the connection, self-sabotage in the form of pushing you away (creating really ugly behaviors to get you to run,) running back to easy or safe relationships, running to drugs or alcohol, running…sprinting….you get the idea. 🙂

The good news is, they can run from you, temporarily, but they can’t run from themselves forever.  Issues have to be faced, truth has to come out, and it will given enough time.

The flipside to this is the chaser.  As a result of the running behaviors, the chaser freaks out and tries to chase down the runner, which of course, only makes them run more.  The chaser too, is also running away from themselves.  They are running from their own uncomfortable feelings, their pain, their hurt, their sadness, their wounding from past situations.  All things that need to be cleared in this process.  So what will the chaser do?  Hound and harass with messages, phone calls, emails, even showing up (yeah, that is a lil stalkerish….don’t do it!) Chasers demand a reply, a response, to be heard, something…anything…to ease this pain (which is really, very old pain most of the time that the runner has triggered off and has nothing to do with the runner.)

And the cycle continues….the beat goes on….roles are switched, and off we go on a merry go round of hell.  Get off the merry-go-round.  Don’t play this game.

Why?  First of all, realize what you are doing to someone you claim to love.  Both extremes are not loving.  Not to them, and not to yourself.

So, chasers…let em run!  Runners, stop running and everybody, let’s take a breath and stand still for a few minutes, hours, days, months, whatever it takes. Then quit pointing fingers and laying blame, and turn within and look deeeeepp, within yourself. What is there?

1.) Love for yourself and the other person, so let’s do our best to act like it.

2)  Pain that is your very own that you can clear on your own, that the other person is not responsible for.  Pain from all the times you have ran, and everything you are running from. Pain, from all the times you have chased in order not to feel pain that has built up for years.

Now, feel it to heal it.  You don’t need to run, you don’t need to chase. You can survive this. It is love, after all 🙂  This is the point when two people grow up and start facing their issues.  The swords are put down.  You take care of your own needs.  You release your demands.  You free yourself. And you do what this connection was meant for you to do—take a look at yourself and GROW. Never mind the relationship. Forget it for now.  Focus on you.

Best advice ever–focus on you.  🙂

Twin Flame Interview

| victoriazaitz

My own understanding of the twin flame concept is undergoing a little bit of revision.  🙂  Always a good thing to be open to changes and new experiences!  So I have decided to do some interviews with my clients who identify their situations as a twin flame experience.  I do not necessarily share all the views presented by interviewing someone else but I do feel it is necessary to share experiences. This person has been a client of mine for a long time and I have always thought her experience was pretty fascinating!  Enjoy!

Based on your personal experience so far, how would you describe a TF?

As a soul extension. One who is cut from the same “soul cloth” so to speak. Another facet of  one’s self, even an alter ego.

What about your TF experience feels different than a soul mate or other relationship experiences you have had?

Not only has the intensity of it been off the charts, but I have never before had the experience of essentially seeing myself mirrored back to me in male form. Also there is this pervading sense of him being with me (on a soul level) 24/7.

What was it like to meet your TF?  

It was very scary and unsettling. I was very young and did not deal with it very well. How could one who was essentially a child (albeit a very old soul, but a child in earth years and maturity level!) be equipped to understand, let alone adequately cope with—and even embrace it—for what it was? As much as I was magnetically drawn to him and fascinated by him, I was also afraid of him. They say that “the eyes are the window to the soul”, and he had the most piercing set of eyes that I’d ever seen. I felt that those eyes were very dangerous and that he could look straight through me…into my soul. It is very difficult to put into words, but to actually meet that gaze directly was not only intimidating but also felt as if someone were shining a very bright light in my face. I found it very hard to look at (or be within close proximity of) him and probably came across as some sort of cold, excessively shy, immature brat. Yet he was completely harmless, a gentle soul, beloved of many. There was no logical reason for me to feel this way. But I didn’t put the pieces together until a profound spiritual awakening (many years later) that led to my conscious reconnection with him.

Can you explain how you came to find out or realize this person was a TF?

As stated above, I truly didn’t start to put the pieces together and explore this connection consciously until a profound spiritual awakening, several years after the brief, intense time that I met and worked with him. Essentially he came into my life, turned it upside down and then left to move on the next chapter in his life. Let me emphasize again that I was essentially a child (in earth years) when I was introduced to him in this life. I was not on a spiritual path at the time and attributed my reaction (to him) to immaturity and an overly-active imagination.

Flash forward to several years later. After a series of events, I stepped on a spiritual path and consciously began to work on myself. I always had an inner sense that there was so much more to spirituality than what has been conveyed in organized religion and had begun a quest to find my truth. I became much more serious about my spiritual practices, sometimes dedicating a couple hours a day to prayer, invocations and meditation. As I was soon to discover, one can NOT do this sort of work on self and NOT unearth things that were always buried deep within.

Upon doing all of this over a period of several months, this ancient soul connection was brought back into my conscious awareness through a series of synchronicities. Although it took awhile, at some point all of the synchronicities surrounding him became too impossible—even for a skeptic like myself—to ignore. And so I started on this journey of inquiry and extensive research. It was as if I were a sleuth trying to uncover a vast mystery. At that point, I didn’t even know what a TF was, yet materials on TFs mysteriously made their way to me. It is widely believed in spiritual circles that one should pray and ask for 3 confirmations in the physical. I got my 3 confirmations and then some! Every time I thought I was going crazy and/or imagining it—something else would happen! I reached a point where I realized that it couldn’t be anything else. It was as if the answer was staring me in the face all along, but I had simply been too dense to get it. I wasn’t able to see it until I had reached a certain level of spiritual growth.

Give us an example of the synchronicities surrounding you and your TF

If I were to attempt to document all of them, surely I would have enough to fill a book. Here are just a few examples of some of the things that I’ve experienced.

* A couple of times, I’ve randomly run into or have been paired with people who are associated with him in some way.

* I would receive a message in a dream that I would be hearing from him soon, and it would happen the very next day.

* Out of the blue, I would get asked to undertake a project at a place off the beaten path….only to find out later that this was a venue that he had been associated with as well.

*On a regular basis, I see license plates from his current residence (more than 1,000 miles away) and/or plates with his name on it. They almost always come in sets of 2. Once, a weekend that he was in town, I saw one that read “Hello **” [his initials]. I also frequently see the number combination 11:11. And this was long before I knew that people associate these numbers with TF’s. In one particular instance, upon purchasing something, the total had come to 11.11. And then I returned home to the news that he would come to visit on 11/11! It did come to pass.

*Things associated with him have manifested like crazy. Here is just one example. My TF was an extraordinarily gifted artist who created quite a legacy in my area. Around the time, I reconnected with him, I came across this really rare artifact (of one of his projects) that I didn’t even know existed. I also didn’t have a clue how it had happened to fall into my hands. Upon closer examination of it, I discovered that to my horror, it had been damaged. My efforts to mend it were in vain. Although I hated to impose, I contacted him and inquired as to how one could find a replacement. Although he graciously offer to help, even he (the brains behind the operation!)  said that another one of these would be extremely difficult to find. I decided to continue to search for it on my own. A few days after the conversation, I found myself (killing time before an appointment) in a second-hand store across town. While browsing its vast archives, I received the shock of my life..when I somehow happened to come across another copy of this most rare item!  I mean…WHAT are the chances of that?! Even more freaky is that it included an inscription on it penned by him that included the words  “Thank you for X wonderful years.” The freakiest thing of all is that I had worked with him myself for X years! Now…how does one explain that?

*I’ve had all sorts of other bizarre things happen. Once when mailing out an important professional document…I found out via the tracking service that instead of being shipped to the address at the state that borders mine, it somehow managed to get shipped by mistake to his city…more than 1,000 miles away. Again, how does one explain that? And it continues…

What kinds of energetic things do you feel surrounding your TF? 

I sense him within…always. Also, although I’m quite acclimated to these energies by now (having worked with them in previous lifetimes) there have been times when so much as hearing his name spoken, has triggered an energetic response from within.

What is the hardest part about having a TF? What helps you deal with it? 

Maintaining the silence. Having to live in a world that would probably label me as “crazy” if I came out about the connection and my spiritual experiences. What makes this connection particularly challenging (in this incarnation) is not only physical distance, but that there is also a huge age gap between my TF and I. Those of us who are on a spiritual path are aware of the fact that the age of the body has nothing to do with the age of the soul. But unfortunately, most people are conditioned by society (and their negative egos) to overly identify with their physical bodies. They haven’t fully realized that they are not human beings having a spiritual experience, but spiritual beings having a human experience. We may have bodies, but we are NOT our bodies. So unfortunately, there are many (including him) that would most likely put us in the boxes of “old man” and “child” respectively. I don’t think I can do much to change that in this lifetime.

I am still working on better dealing with it. Spiritual practices (such as prayer and meditation) are always beneficial…and I have frequent conversations with spiritually-minded friends who’ve actually had similar experiences. It was important for me to know that I was neither alone nor going crazy. When it becomes too much to bear at times, it has been a tremendous help to have understanding friends to vent to. And I try to channel my feelings into various creative projects. If he only knew…But I’m not convinced it would be a good idea to “come out” and dump all of this on him. Surely he would think I delusional and crazy and it would creep him out majorly. I am deeply grateful for my friendship with him and do not want to jeopardize it. It is very important to know when to be silent. And to love someone unconditionally, is to accept where someone is at and let them live their life. Another issue with this connection—is that it is so much bigger than I am—there is NO way I could ever possibly convey it in words. It would most likely be taken the wrong way…and I don’t see how that would serve either one of us. So there is always a massive amount of stuff that I must process on my own.

What do you think the purpose of the situation is, or what have you learned about yourself as a result of this experience?

I continue to work at processing all of this. The challenges of this connection are such that truly there is not a day that goes by in which I don’t ask, “Why, God, oh why?” Yet I have grown and learned a lot about myself through this experience. I have learned not to associate people with their age in earth years; to see people not as bodies, but as souls temporarily wearing a human form. It is really eye-opening to encounter another person who actually comes from the same soul as you do! While there are some clear differences between us (as we are individualized personalities), in him I see so much of myself. Many aspects of his life journey and personal philosophies parallel my own. In studying his life, I have learned so much about my own soul and life purpose. He is my greatest inspiration.

Give us any advice you would give to other TFs.  

Do not become too attached to the idea of ever having that fairy tale romantic relationship with them in the physical. Just because they are a TF, that doesn’t necessarily mean that you are supposed to be with them in a 3D romantic sense. This connection is so much more than that! Anyone who has ever experienced this (or any other intense spiritual connection) knows that this is not a connection for the faint of heart or spirit. The closer the connection, the harder the lessons. There is no hiding in this connection. All that must be brought up for healing will be exposed. The cold, hard reality of this is that unless both parties are willing to do the work…these connections rarely seem to work out in the physical. In many cases, a friendship with one’s TF might be preferable. The underlying lessons (presented to us in various forms) always seem to be detachment and unconditional love.

 What do you think the greater purpose is of the TF scenario for humanity? Do you think TFs are rare? What do you think about the theories out there on TFs?

From what I understand it’s all about awakening to who we ARE, integrating other aspects of Self, tapping into this reserve of pure unconditional love and radiating it out to others.  My understanding is that TFs are EXTREMELY rare. To quote Joshua David Stone (who worked closely with the Ascended Master Djwhal Khul), “It does not happen as much as people think.”  Although it is not for me to judge, it seems that many who think they are in a TF connection might in reality be dealing with a more distant soul family, soul mate or karmic connection. That’s not to say that all of these connections aren’t important, for all assist us with our spiritual growth. But I think humanity (i.e. people’s egos) in general get far too caught up in labels and the idea that there is “only one TF who is your perfect mate.” I am inclined to think that the soul is much more vast than most people think it is. Channeled material via Alice Bailey and Joshua David Stone  asks us to consider the idea that there may in fact be 12 TFs within a soul family. At this point, it goes without saying that there is no way to prove any of this. But we should be open the possibly. To grow spiritually, is to transcend our negative ego mental boxes. After all, in the scheme of things, “What the bleep do we know?”

 

 

How to Find a Loving Relationship

| victoriazaitz

Many of my single clients ask me when they will find a partner or how to meet their soul mate.  Many of my female clients speak of feeling an intense desire to find this, particularly if they are reaching the end of their childbearing years.  Definitions aside, what I think people are really looking for in a “soul mate” (beyond a good parent for their offspring) is a healthy, loving relationship, with a person who is a good fit for them.  A totally understandable and very normal  human need.

However, sometimes this human need does have origins and elements of personal issues that need to be worked out.  My intuitive insight is specific for each person, of course, but generally, my first point of advice is to get a handle on any feelings of desperation.  We do spend a lot of time trying to find happiness outside of ourselves, so a big consideration is just being happy with oneself, which is the journey of all of us, really.  This is definitely not something that will generally be encouraged by a culture constantly telling us that the breakfast cereal we eat or the car we buy will magnetize someone to them–a la Axe Body spray.  The general message is one of buy more stuff, or focus more on your personal appearance, and this in turn, makes you happy and therefore attractive to others.  In the new age and spiritual community, the take is different.  Since the law of attraction has hit our culture, we may think that through the power of desire, intention, acting ‘as if’ you already have what you want, creating your own reality through your thoughts, and affirming and visualizing your way to what you want can make it happen for you just like magic.

Let’s look at this law of attraction from a different angle.  If you are in a state of desperately searching for someone, constantly trolling online dating sites to exclusion of other daily functions, and are so worried that you will never find that person, you are focusing on what you feel to be is a very large LACK.  You are focusing negatively on what you do not have and are expending a lot of emotional energy fretting and writhing. Law of attraction aside, I think mostly what this achieves is a state of frustration.  It may not be easy but the first step is to stop the desperation, stop the worry, and even, stop incessantly looking.  If you want to make the law of attraction work for you, and go about your life in a healthier and happier way, then you must examine those feelings of desperation, understand where they are coming from, feel them, and resolve to release them and move on.  Notice I did not say, lock yourself in a closet and repeat “I have found my soul mate, I have found my soul mate,” until you are blue in the face. Any amount of repeated positive affirmations is not going to do squat for you if somewhere in there, in your energy, you are truly, unhappy with yourself and incredibly desperate to fix this through the “other.”

As a psychic, to me energy is everything.  Many people are surprised to find out in readings that energetically, what they thought they were “over,” and had never processed but merely shoved under the rug, is still there.  In some ways, what you resist, do not allow yourself to experience, and suppress, persists.  Clients who are truly interested in finding out where they may be blocking themselves and who do the self work to release these blocks, are going to progress much faster than those who do not wish to deal with their pain, their suffering, their traumas, their childhoods, their emotions, etc.  This is not to place blame on yourself if the partner of your dreams does not show up tomorrow.  But in truth, the only control we have is over ourselves, and our own happiness.  At any point, we can start that process.

The best advice I have, rather than spending your money on books and programs that promise to bring your soul mate to you, is to concentrate on yourself.  This seems a little counter-intuitive, but, it works.  Take an honest look at yourself.  Are you happy with who you are?  Are you still carrying negative self talk in your brain?  These issues are all very important, irrespective of your search for a partner, and these are lifelong issues to consider.  However, working through things and becoming happier, and loosening your grip on your “must have a partner” mantra is going to help you attract just what you need, and learn a lot along the way.

What do I mean by this? I mean be the person you want to see and to attract.  We are in constant relationship in our lives, to our pets, to the planet, to ourselves, to our bosses, to everything.  By being the “change you want to see,” you are  improving your relationship with the entire cosmos.  But cultivating a good heart vis-a-vis ALL of your relationships, you are raising your vibration, and by raising your vibration you are happy….no matter who or what comes along, or doesn’t. 🙂

Raising your vibration and clearing your baggage also does attract a new energy to you.  It makes it more likely that the kind of person you want will find you.  Of course, we can’t be doing it just for that reason.  We have to do it for ourselves.  This is a process of SELF-LOVE.

How can we do this?  By developing your most cherished talents and abilities and giving these back to the world.  Look at your soul—who are you?  What are you here to give to others?  What makes you excited and feeling good about your life?  One little secret is, that by feeling purposeful by helping others, and by giving, we receive more than we could ever imagine.  Go out and pursue the things that interest you.  Get involved with others.  Give what you are meant to give to this world to make it a better place.  Then guess what happens when you are an animal lover and you decide to start volunteering at your local animal shelter?  Not only are you happy with the time you are spending in your life, you are also around others who love animals as you do.  You connect more with those who are on your wavelength.  You feel less isolated, more purposeful, and happy.  And then one day…..you make friends, and you find your awesome animal lover dude, or dude-et!

Work through your blocks and work on your issues and “stuff.”  If you need help, ask for it.  It is often very helpful to work on understanding and releasing things with a therapist, with a friend, with spiritual practitioners.  Specifically, work on being clear of your relationship baggage. Let go of the past!! Be ready to open your heart and love again!  Many of us, because of tough experiences we have had, close down our hearts.  We try to protect ourselves from the love we want because we fear pain.  But, pain is a part of life.  It can strengthen you, and you can grow from those experiences.  You would never be the person you are now, without having gone through everything that has been hard for you.  Does this mean that once you open your heart again, that your relationship will be pain-free and that person will never hurt you? No, that is not possible.  You will be hurt.  But you will also love.  If you don’t take the risk to love, your heart is hurting, you are disconnected, you shut down, and you do not allow the love that you want. How’s that for a regret?

You can also have a spiritual focus and be authentic in your life.  This helps you to deal with challenges that come your way.  Being yourself, a life-long lesson for many, can bring you so much happiness in itself.  And if you are not yourself, and are living someone else’s life proscribed for you, then how can you expect to attract anyone who can see the real you?

Listen to your intuitions about people and follow them!! But note, that we don’t listen to our intuitions in order to be pain-free.  There is no such thing as pain-free.  Stop looking for that, it is not realistic.  But you can listen to what your heart is saying.  And, allow yourself to get really clear on this.  Do I want this, or don’t I?

Intention, visualization, affirmations, etc can help but YOU must be ready on a soul level, YOU must do the work.  Having an intention that is positive is great, but intentions must be backed up by actions.  Visualization and affirmations are great, they are tools you can use to affirm the work you have already done.  But the work happens inside you.  There are simply, no quick fixes, magical cures, spells, potions, prayers, or mojo that is going to do your work for you.  No psychic in the world is going to re-unite you with your ex, or do some hocus pocus on you that is going to solve your problems.  I think that what the law of attraction does, is attract what is resonating with your energy, and your energy is deeper than a 5 minute affirmation.  You must believe what you are affirming, truly, deep down in your guts.

Finally, believe that it is possible, and let the universe do the rest.  Let go, and trust that what you need in life, comes to you in the way it needs to on the time schedule that best suits everyone.