Soul Mates 101

| victoriazaitz
“You don’t give love in order to get love, you give love in order to become love” –Apollo Poetry

 

Ah, soul mates.  Can’t live with them (many times,) can’t live without them (all the time.)  What is this crazy phenomenon?  A lot has been written on this subject, and it can fall into several categories.  The popular understanding of the term is more of a myth than a reality.  The myth goes something like this: We have one shot to get it right in this lifetime, with our ONE and ONLY soul mate, the one who will make our lives complete, and is our perfect compliment.  If you are soul mates, you are destined to be together….forever!  Once you find that person, you will experience never ending bliss for the rest of your life, and your relationship will finally work the way it was meant to work…easy, idyllic, no work required, effortless harmony, and you will be enlightened with all of your spiritual voids filled.  This is a myth–a cultural story–and it even has an advertising program that wants you to buy into this philosophy.  It may sell some perfume, but what I am talking about is more about personal experiences and patterns in the process of personal development.  And, no disrespect here, but programs that promise to find your soul mate in 30 days—it is not that simple.  It happens when you are ready for it.

This is most definitely, a MYTH.  Why?  First, we have many soul mates.  Once you get started on the soul mate/ relationship as a spiritual path, you will probably have a succession of soul mates.  I personally have a count of about 7.  Although there is great compatibility with soul mates,  and they may very well be a perfect fit, the relationship (if there is one) is not meant to make your life complete.  Soul mates are not necessarily destined to be together forever.  Because the connection is so strong, it is very easy to think that because of its depth, it is therefore everlasting.  Some people are able to make it work with their soul mates, but not without the great amount of inner work and personal development that a deep connection requires.  Many times, soul mates are not meant to be in your life for as long as you may want them to.  Many times, one or both of you are not able to do what it would require for you to be together.  That is not the fault of Madame Destiny, it is just simply, life and its challenges.  And life’s lessons.

 

Soul mates are meant to help you grow, deeply grow, and to “give love so you can become love.”  It is a profoundly challenging relationship that is not for the faint of heart or a die-hard romantic.  It changes YOU, on the inside.  And as you change, what is vibrationally a fit now, may not always be so.  Because, we are always changing.  As the Buddha would say, the nature of life is impermanent.

 

Now that we have the myth out of the way, here is a pretty good, spiritual interpretation of what happens here.  It is part of the Law of Attraction, that soul mates are drawn in by your soul’s essence, who you really are at a deep level, your vibrational level, and your karma.  I don’t mean karma as in, this is your punishment for evils done in a past life! Karma can be considered to be, what keeps you from floating off this earth plane into a cloud of total enlightenment.  It is what keeps you learning lessons, the stuff of karma is your lessons, your issues, what needs to be cleared that keeps you from knowing that you are one with God and everything in this universe. Karma is your “stuff.”  Deep, huh?

 

Soul mates show you your “stuff.”  There is perfect analogy for this, and it is called, funny enough, “mirroring.”  Soul mates lift up a big mirror for you to look in, so that you can know thyself more deeply.  This is a two-way mirror, so you are also doing this for said beloved.  Now, to an extent, all relationships do this.  What makes soul mates so special?  Well, soul mates rev it up a notch, stomp full-fledged on the gas pedal, and COMPEL you to do your work, in a very intense way, that is hard to ignore.  Soul mates got your attention, all right.

This is why I teach that all soul mates are “romantic” in that sense.  Because even th0ugh all relationships are important, and you may love your dog or goldfish very much, they are not going to do this for you.  And the connection that you have to your friends and family may be deep and wonderful, but they don’t have this kind of impact on you in quite the same way.  Also, there are special dynamics and patterns in the soul mate connection that are custom-designed to shoot your soul in a rocket booster towards a very deep awakening.  A sexual and romantic component, for lack of a better descriptor, is a powerful forceful motivator and soul connector.  The feeling of wanting to unite male and female polarities is very strong.  By this I am talking about the masculine and feminine energies of the universe, not physical sex or bodies.  This is a different kind of connection from others in your soul group.  Please see my post, Signs of a Soul Mate or Twin Flame for the common indicators and patterns that I am talking about.

 

So what is a soul mate?  An energetic SOUL-based tie to another human being.  If you are familiar with the concept of energy centers or chakras, we can say that the common connection points are the sacral, heart, and third eye chakras.  Soul mates may delude themselves or deny that the connection goes both ways, but a soul mate connection is not unrequited love.  A person may have varying levels of awareness about the existence of the connection, but it  is not one-sided.  It is pretty much hard to ignore for both people.

 

Secondly, a soul mate connection is a spiritual, deep connection with a soul that COMPELS you to grow and learn lessons about yourself, love and relationships.  You can also think of it as a soul “contract,”  that involves the learning and teaching of lessons, which may have past life ties, and there are always lesson themes.  What are these lessons?  That is for you to find out, but many common ones are:  abandonment, personal integrity and honesty, insecurity, leaving situations and relationships that no longer work for you, fear of commitment, and even, fear of love.  You would be surprised, but many people faced with the prospect of unconditional love, are bewildered and terrified of actually having it.  Many soul mate lessons, more simply put, require that you make a choice between the polar opposites of fear and love.  In the big picture of soul development, we are all learning the difference between unconditional love and egoic love.

 

I must stress that soul mate connections are not always about the relationship.  This is where we get hooked on the concept of the relationship, and not about its real purpose–which is our own growth as a soul.

Radical Forgiveness

| victoriazaitz

Who is not drawn towards working with forgiveness?  I think most of us have a lot of people to forgive and not doing so most certainly disrupts health and happiness (causing depression, migraines, etc.) Sometimes reaching a state where forgiveness needs to happen because of the ill effects of not doing so pushes the process forward.

One method I find useful is the audio series Radical Forgiveness based on the book by the same name authored by Colin Tipping.  I realized that his prescription is very much a cognitive exercise in re-training the brain to re-conceptualize the grievance story told by the ego and realize that this story is in fact, much larger than this.  What I like most about this approach is the spiritual understanding or acceptance that the situation has greater meaning at a soul level, in addition to understanding the differing perspectives of the one who has caused the hurt.  The aim of the program is to rid the forgiver of what is called “victim consciousness,” which is very much rooted in the ego.  The author also recognizes that forgiveness is an energetic or soul-based shift that allows for a deep level of healing for both the forgiver and the forgivee.  Forgiveness is a way to empower one’s self, understanding that allowing oneself to store and hold the negative emotions is a way to keep oneself trapped—separated from the peace that is possible.  Tipping asserts that the broader view of the situation reveals that “nothing wrong or right ever happened,” in other words, that everything happens for a reason and there are no mistakes at the spiritual level of reality.

Tipping has several re-conceptualizing steps to take in this process.  The first is a kind of radical acceptance of the situation as it is.  In actuality, it was meant to happen that way and therefore there is nothing to forgive.  It is important to understand that circumstances happen for soul growth and development, and not to the ego just to cause turmoil.  The situation should be grasped as an opportunity for learning and growth.  Also, a key ingredient in the process is faith.  It is important to give up trying to always find the reasons for everything.  We may not always know the reasons in a rational sense.  One metaphor he uses that I particularly like is a tapestry.  If you look at the back of the tapestry, it is a mess, with no predictable pattern.  But if you look at the front of the tapestry, the pattern is apparent.  In many cases humans are looking only at the back of the tapestry, but when life is viewed with a broad perspective, the patterns and reasons for events emerge.  Tipping asserts that even this can be too difficult for someone who has been traumatized, so it helps to remain open to the possibility, and be open to the miracle of things all fitting together and making sense.  There is a great deal of surrender in that statement.  Peace also has to be a choice that is made by the forgiver. I think that the work that I do helps this process by helping people to see the patterns in the “tapestry.”

I found that over the course of several weeks, working with this information and truly absorbing it is extremely challenging.  I’ve discovered that the reason is that my ego really wants to hold on to the victim mentality for reasons that I have yet to fully understand.  To create the sense of separation perhaps—because if I can separate myself from those who have hurt me—somehow, I can spare myself some of the pain.  At the soul level, however, I agree with many of Tipping’s assertions.  From examining my own life, I can definitely see that there are patterns, and that events do not happen randomly and with no purpose.  Even if it is a meaning only I have created, at least it does make some sense!

Cognitive restructuring like this takes some time, and I think it probably has its own natural timetable.  I also think healing has its own natural timetable.  Even by working with this material and method over the course of several weeks, complete forgiveness may not happen in that timeframe.  I think one of the reasons is that the emotional component has to be worked through as well.  And I feel that the only way out of the negative emotions is to go through them.  There may not be any shortcuts.  I believe that my spiritual practices (such as meditation) as well as self-examination techniques such as this one, are very important for keeping perspective and helping the healing process, but I don’t think that the entire healing process is under our control.  I am beginning to believe that the healing process has its own organic structure, similar to the way in which Elizabeth Kubler-Ross maps out the stages of grief.  I have found that even despite my impatience, these feelings never seem to make the healing process go any faster.  In fact, when I skip steps or gloss over things, they eventually return to be dealt with at a later time.  I’ve also noticed the cyclical nature of dealing with loss and grief—just when you think you are over it, something else comes up!   I feel that there are great tools out there, such as Tipping’s, that can help, but ultimately the great surrender has to be to the process itself.

Clairsentience–The Body’s Gut Knowing

| victoriazaitz

Clairsentience comes from the French “clair” meaning clear, and denotes “clear feeling.”  It is a type of psychic ability that often specifically manifests as a feeling in the body, sometimes centering in the gut (the location of the solar plexus chakra, more commonly called a “gut feeling.” ) Clairsentience is one form of psychic ability particularly based in body wisdom; it uses the senses of the body to communicate information that is typically non-visual and non-auditory.  This ability is one of the many ways that I receive intuitive information.  It is also one of the gifts mentioned in Buddhism as a byproduct of spiritual development.

This bodily sense often manifests in my sessions with clients.  Empathic ability is clairsentient– I may actually feel the client’s feelings, or the feelings of someone whom they are asking about (living or deceased.)  This happens even if they do not openly discuss their emotions with me—for example, they may be holding a lot of unconscious rage.  This experience is very helpful as it directs attention to the client’s feelings and encourages a response based on compassion.  It also alerts me to deeper levels of feeling that may need to be addressed with the client.  Sometimes when clients ask about a situation or choice they are contemplating, I will receive a “gut feeling” about it: at minimum I will definitely feel the positive or negative nature of the energy.  Very often, the strength of the feeling reveals the likely direction that a situation is currently moving towards.

Clairsentience can also involve feeling the physical pain or medical condition of another person, although I tend to receive this information through other psychic senses.  It can also develop as strong attractions or repulsions for certain people, situations, or places (including feeling the energy of emotions that have been expended in a room.) One example is receiving “bad vibes” from another person—connoting a feeling of danger.  Often, I am able to feel the intentions of another person and to know if they are self-serving or manipulative in a damaging way, despite outward appearances (for example, when I pass someone on the street.)  Clairsentience may also occur as various  physical sensations—symbolic or literal.  For example, I know that the truth has been told when I get goosebumps, also called “truth chills.”  I have also had the experience of physically feeling presences in the room, knowing they are there, and also being touched by them (living and deceased.) It also involves the ability to gain information through the sensation of touch–whether it be a person or object.

Clairsentience is one of the most common intuitive abilities.  I believe that it is a divine gift of guidance that is given to everyone at birth and is part of the human perceptual system.  It can be enhanced in many different ways—through meditation, through spiritual practice, through self-work, through openness to experience, through belief in the ability and listening to one’s Self.  Unfortunately societal influences do not encourage its development and it very often shuts down. With interest, the desire to grow and develop, and the discipline necessary for meditation and other spiritual practices, these abilities will expand.  I think that spiritual development is very related to the growth of intuitive abilities, especially for those who are truly called to do this work, as it comes from a genuine desire to help others and requires the development of many spiritual qualities—such as discipline, dedication, and general awareness and sensitivity.

Theoretically  it’s possible that these abilities developed via evolution, but the argument can be made that they have always been there to some degree.  It typically takes effort and hard work to develop these abilities and use them in the best possible way.  If more people would trust and develop these skills, it’s possible that a critical mass would be achieved in evolution that would allow a greater level of ability to be present from the very beginning.  If you are interested in developing your empathic ability more seriously, contact me and we can discuss my Mentoring Program in Psychic Development.

Meditation and the Brain

| victoriazaitz

Neuroplasticity means that the actual physical structure of the brain is malleable and is impacted by our experiences. This implies that directing our experiences, for example, in the form of emotional regulation, can actually change the structure of one’s brain.  Repeated patterns of behavior can create more long-term changes in the brain and develop and strengthen new pathways and connections of neurons. This is exciting as it illustrates that a human being is not merely destined to its biology, but is capable of impacting it to the extent that the human will can reach.  The brain is also constantly regenerating, so the good news is that we can change our brain structure at any age based on our experiences in the present moment.

Resilence and recovery from negative emotional events is associated with greater use of the pre-frontal cortex.  Effective emotional regulation in these situations is also associated with lower levels of cortisol, a major stress hormone in the body which can be toxic at higher levels.  Cortisol can also interfere with learning and memory.  Therefore, anxiety and stress can decrease our cognitive functioning in addition to its negative effect on the body.

The findings of neuroscience are applicable to the practice of meditation.  Meditation is capable of changing the structure of our brains, particularly because of its affect on the process of emotional regulation and its potential assistance in recovery from negative emotional states.  Studies of regular, long-term meditators have demonstrated the impact of meditation on their ability to become more emotionally balanced.  Meditation practices are also increasingly used as an adjunct to therapy and has been demonstrated to assist in recovery from trauma.  Meditation can strengthen areas of the brain that can help us to learn and cultivate different qualities—such as compassion, patience, and inner peace.  Through a regular meditation practice, certain qualities can build over time. Loving-kindness meditation, mindfulness and open presence meditation can help develop these qualities and many more.

Long-time meditators can become less impacted by stress (due to the relaxation response, and emotional regulation) and therefore have greater physical and mental health.  Because stress interferes with cognitive function, meditators can also become mentally sharp as a result of certain forms of meditation, such as focused awareness.  Studies have demonstrated that focused awareness increases the ability to concentrate.

It is useful to know that helpful qualities can be learned through experience, and that methods such as meditation that achieve these results can be taught.  Traits that we once considered to be a part of our personalities, perhaps at birth, are now understood to have the potential to be deliberately cultivated through a contemplative practice.  This has enormous implications for the fields of education, health care, and psychology.  Integration of contemplative practices in these fields would likely achieve excellent results for practitioners as well as students, patients, and clients. This is why I consider meditation the cornerstone of my work and I teach it to all of my Psychic Development students.