spirituality

Radical Forgiveness

| victoriazaitz

Who is not drawn towards working with forgiveness?  I think most of us have a lot of people to forgive and not doing so most certainly disrupts health and happiness (causing depression, migraines, etc.) Sometimes reaching a state where forgiveness needs to happen because of the ill effects of not doing so pushes the process forward.

One method I find useful is the audio series Radical Forgiveness based on the book by the same name authored by Colin Tipping.  I realized that his prescription is very much a cognitive exercise in re-training the brain to re-conceptualize the grievance story told by the ego and realize that this story is in fact, much larger than this.  What I like most about this approach is the spiritual understanding or acceptance that the situation has greater meaning at a soul level, in addition to understanding the differing perspectives of the one who has caused the hurt.  The aim of the program is to rid the forgiver of what is called “victim consciousness,” which is very much rooted in the ego.  The author also recognizes that forgiveness is an energetic or soul-based shift that allows for a deep level of healing for both the forgiver and the forgivee.  Forgiveness is a way to empower one’s self, understanding that allowing oneself to store and hold the negative emotions is a way to keep oneself trapped—separated from the peace that is possible.  Tipping asserts that the broader view of the situation reveals that “nothing wrong or right ever happened,” in other words, that everything happens for a reason and there are no mistakes at the spiritual level of reality.

Tipping has several re-conceptualizing steps to take in this process.  The first is a kind of radical acceptance of the situation as it is.  In actuality, it was meant to happen that way and therefore there is nothing to forgive.  It is important to understand that circumstances happen for soul growth and development, and not to the ego just to cause turmoil.  The situation should be grasped as an opportunity for learning and growth.  Also, a key ingredient in the process is faith.  It is important to give up trying to always find the reasons for everything.  We may not always know the reasons in a rational sense.  One metaphor he uses that I particularly like is a tapestry.  If you look at the back of the tapestry, it is a mess, with no predictable pattern.  But if you look at the front of the tapestry, the pattern is apparent.  In many cases humans are looking only at the back of the tapestry, but when life is viewed with a broad perspective, the patterns and reasons for events emerge.  Tipping asserts that even this can be too difficult for someone who has been traumatized, so it helps to remain open to the possibility, and be open to the miracle of things all fitting together and making sense.  There is a great deal of surrender in that statement.  Peace also has to be a choice that is made by the forgiver. I think that the work that I do helps this process by helping people to see the patterns in the “tapestry.”

I found that over the course of several weeks, working with this information and truly absorbing it is extremely challenging.  I’ve discovered that the reason is that my ego really wants to hold on to the victim mentality for reasons that I have yet to fully understand.  To create the sense of separation perhaps—because if I can separate myself from those who have hurt me—somehow, I can spare myself some of the pain.  At the soul level, however, I agree with many of Tipping’s assertions.  From examining my own life, I can definitely see that there are patterns, and that events do not happen randomly and with no purpose.  Even if it is a meaning only I have created, at least it does make some sense!

Cognitive restructuring like this takes some time, and I think it probably has its own natural timetable.  I also think healing has its own natural timetable.  Even by working with this material and method over the course of several weeks, complete forgiveness may not happen in that timeframe.  I think one of the reasons is that the emotional component has to be worked through as well.  And I feel that the only way out of the negative emotions is to go through them.  There may not be any shortcuts.  I believe that my spiritual practices (such as meditation) as well as self-examination techniques such as this one, are very important for keeping perspective and helping the healing process, but I don’t think that the entire healing process is under our control.  I am beginning to believe that the healing process has its own organic structure, similar to the way in which Elizabeth Kubler-Ross maps out the stages of grief.  I have found that even despite my impatience, these feelings never seem to make the healing process go any faster.  In fact, when I skip steps or gloss over things, they eventually return to be dealt with at a later time.  I’ve also noticed the cyclical nature of dealing with loss and grief—just when you think you are over it, something else comes up!   I feel that there are great tools out there, such as Tipping’s, that can help, but ultimately the great surrender has to be to the process itself.

Clairsentience–The Body’s Gut Knowing

| victoriazaitz

Clairsentience comes from the French “clair” meaning clear, and denotes “clear feeling.”  It is a type of psychic ability that often specifically manifests as a feeling in the body, sometimes centering in the gut (the location of the solar plexus chakra, more commonly called a “gut feeling.” ) Clairsentience is one form of psychic ability particularly based in body wisdom; it uses the senses of the body to communicate information that is typically non-visual and non-auditory.  This ability is one of the many ways that I receive intuitive information.  It is also one of the gifts mentioned in Buddhism as a byproduct of spiritual development.

This bodily sense often manifests in my sessions with clients.  Empathic ability is clairsentient– I may actually feel the client’s feelings, or the feelings of someone whom they are asking about (living or deceased.)  This happens even if they do not openly discuss their emotions with me—for example, they may be holding a lot of unconscious rage.  This experience is very helpful as it directs attention to the client’s feelings and encourages a response based on compassion.  It also alerts me to deeper levels of feeling that may need to be addressed with the client.  Sometimes when clients ask about a situation or choice they are contemplating, I will receive a “gut feeling” about it: at minimum I will definitely feel the positive or negative nature of the energy.  Very often, the strength of the feeling reveals the likely direction that a situation is currently moving towards.

Clairsentience can also involve feeling the physical pain or medical condition of another person, although I tend to receive this information through other psychic senses.  It can also develop as strong attractions or repulsions for certain people, situations, or places (including feeling the energy of emotions that have been expended in a room.) One example is receiving “bad vibes” from another person—connoting a feeling of danger.  Often, I am able to feel the intentions of another person and to know if they are self-serving or manipulative in a damaging way, despite outward appearances (for example, when I pass someone on the street.)  Clairsentience may also occur as various  physical sensations—symbolic or literal.  For example, I know that the truth has been told when I get goosebumps, also called “truth chills.”  I have also had the experience of physically feeling presences in the room, knowing they are there, and also being touched by them (living and deceased.) It also involves the ability to gain information through the sensation of touch–whether it be a person or object.

Clairsentience is one of the most common intuitive abilities.  I believe that it is a divine gift of guidance that is given to everyone at birth and is part of the human perceptual system.  It can be enhanced in many different ways—through meditation, through spiritual practice, through self-work, through openness to experience, through belief in the ability and listening to one’s Self.  Unfortunately societal influences do not encourage its development and it very often shuts down. With interest, the desire to grow and develop, and the discipline necessary for meditation and other spiritual practices, these abilities will expand.  I think that spiritual development is very related to the growth of intuitive abilities, especially for those who are truly called to do this work, as it comes from a genuine desire to help others and requires the development of many spiritual qualities—such as discipline, dedication, and general awareness and sensitivity.

Theoretically  it’s possible that these abilities developed via evolution, but the argument can be made that they have always been there to some degree.  It typically takes effort and hard work to develop these abilities and use them in the best possible way.  If more people would trust and develop these skills, it’s possible that a critical mass would be achieved in evolution that would allow a greater level of ability to be present from the very beginning.  If you are interested in developing your empathic ability more seriously, contact me and we can discuss my Mentoring Program in Psychic Development.

Meditation, Intimacy, and Isolation

| victoriazaitz

Cultivating a meditation practice can create intimacy and connection or isolation if it is used in an unhealthy way. When we begin to awaken through meditation, it has an effect on all of our relationships, because we are beginning to change our own self-concepts. Realizing the ground of our being beyond the ego, typically we become more aware of the interconnected nature of humanity. We become aware that this ground of being supports all life, and this creates reverence for all of life in our hearts—beyond those that we love to those that we are more indifferent towards, towards other species, and potentially even those who have hurt us. This can bring a great capacity for love, empathy, compassion, and forgiveness to our lives. Relating to others with a greater sense of respect and recognizing their inner nature as divinity, we are better equipped to deal with relational challenges that stem from our differences.

Paradoxically, meditation can also help us to develop a degree of detachment in the form of spaciousness. Recognizing that there is an unchangeable, eternal nature to reality, we can be more likely to accept the nature of our emotions, thoughts, and sensations without becoming completely overwhelmed or unconsciously controlled by them. Typically a regular meditation practice helps to sustain emotional regulation and can lessen our tendency to dwell on negative emotions or thoughts. My experience is that meditation can create more room for joy, and reveals love at the base of all phenomena. Meditation has a way of taking us out of our heads and into our hearts. Mindfulness can help us to learn to sit with what is in a state of acceptance that can bring greater insight and understanding of ourselves as well as others. We may realize that any harm that we do to another, is harm done to ourselves, and vice-versa.

However, it is possible to use a meditation practice, or any spiritual thought or discipline, to serve our own ego’s fears. We may have a conscious or unconscious intent to escape our own shadow sides and that of others and may feel that meditation can help us do that. Or we may use our practice to glorify ourselves as “spiritual” beings on a higher plane than our fellow humans. In these examples meditation could be very isolating.

If we become very identified with transcendent awareness to the extent of losing touch with our ego and its contents we run the risk of disconnection with ourselves, our own lives, and with others. It is possible that our negative behaviors towards others and our deeply engrained ego patterns could become dominant if we give them less attention. Or we may use our practice to shirk away from a world that we are afraid of becoming too attached to because of its impermanence. We might not want to deal with our feelings, make difficult choices or changes, or become aware of our responsibilities towards all of life. In my experience, however, a regular practice can make it difficult to do this, as it makes one more aware in general rather than less aware of oneself as well as others.

Meditation as a spiritual practice has great potential to intimately connect us to the great web of life and to live a life of greater harmony in relationship to others. But it also brings many challenges that require us to honestly examine ourselves, our fears, our desires, and our behaviors. As long as we meet these challenges with mindfulness and compassion for ourselves, we are able to benefit through the strengthening as well as the transcendence of our egos.