soul mates

How to Find a Loving Relationship

| victoriazaitz

Many of my single clients ask me when they will find a partner or how to meet their soul mate.  Many of my female clients speak of feeling an intense desire to find this, particularly if they are reaching the end of their childbearing years.  Definitions aside, what I think people are really looking for in a “soul mate” (beyond a good parent for their offspring) is a healthy, loving relationship, with a person who is a good fit for them.  A totally understandable and very normal  human need.

However, sometimes this human need does have origins and elements of personal issues that need to be worked out.  My intuitive insight is specific for each person, of course, but generally, my first point of advice is to get a handle on any feelings of desperation.  We do spend a lot of time trying to find happiness outside of ourselves, so a big consideration is just being happy with oneself, which is the journey of all of us, really.  This is definitely not something that will generally be encouraged by a culture constantly telling us that the breakfast cereal we eat or the car we buy will magnetize someone to them–a la Axe Body spray.  The general message is one of buy more stuff, or focus more on your personal appearance, and this in turn, makes you happy and therefore attractive to others.  In the new age and spiritual community, the take is different.  Since the law of attraction has hit our culture, we may think that through the power of desire, intention, acting ‘as if’ you already have what you want, creating your own reality through your thoughts, and affirming and visualizing your way to what you want can make it happen for you just like magic.

Let’s look at this law of attraction from a different angle.  If you are in a state of desperately searching for someone, constantly trolling online dating sites to exclusion of other daily functions, and are so worried that you will never find that person, you are focusing on what you feel to be is a very large LACK.  You are focusing negatively on what you do not have and are expending a lot of emotional energy fretting and writhing. Law of attraction aside, I think mostly what this achieves is a state of frustration.  It may not be easy but the first step is to stop the desperation, stop the worry, and even, stop incessantly looking.  If you want to make the law of attraction work for you, and go about your life in a healthier and happier way, then you must examine those feelings of desperation, understand where they are coming from, feel them, and resolve to release them and move on.  Notice I did not say, lock yourself in a closet and repeat “I have found my soul mate, I have found my soul mate,” until you are blue in the face. Any amount of repeated positive affirmations is not going to do squat for you if somewhere in there, in your energy, you are truly, unhappy with yourself and incredibly desperate to fix this through the “other.”

As a psychic, to me energy is everything.  Many people are surprised to find out in readings that energetically, what they thought they were “over,” and had never processed but merely shoved under the rug, is still there.  In some ways, what you resist, do not allow yourself to experience, and suppress, persists.  Clients who are truly interested in finding out where they may be blocking themselves and who do the self work to release these blocks, are going to progress much faster than those who do not wish to deal with their pain, their suffering, their traumas, their childhoods, their emotions, etc.  This is not to place blame on yourself if the partner of your dreams does not show up tomorrow.  But in truth, the only control we have is over ourselves, and our own happiness.  At any point, we can start that process.

The best advice I have, rather than spending your money on books and programs that promise to bring your soul mate to you, is to concentrate on yourself.  This seems a little counter-intuitive, but, it works.  Take an honest look at yourself.  Are you happy with who you are?  Are you still carrying negative self talk in your brain?  These issues are all very important, irrespective of your search for a partner, and these are lifelong issues to consider.  However, working through things and becoming happier, and loosening your grip on your “must have a partner” mantra is going to help you attract just what you need, and learn a lot along the way.

What do I mean by this? I mean be the person you want to see and to attract.  We are in constant relationship in our lives, to our pets, to the planet, to ourselves, to our bosses, to everything.  By being the “change you want to see,” you are  improving your relationship with the entire cosmos.  But cultivating a good heart vis-a-vis ALL of your relationships, you are raising your vibration, and by raising your vibration you are happy….no matter who or what comes along, or doesn’t. 🙂

Raising your vibration and clearing your baggage also does attract a new energy to you.  It makes it more likely that the kind of person you want will find you.  Of course, we can’t be doing it just for that reason.  We have to do it for ourselves.  This is a process of SELF-LOVE.

How can we do this?  By developing your most cherished talents and abilities and giving these back to the world.  Look at your soul—who are you?  What are you here to give to others?  What makes you excited and feeling good about your life?  One little secret is, that by feeling purposeful by helping others, and by giving, we receive more than we could ever imagine.  Go out and pursue the things that interest you.  Get involved with others.  Give what you are meant to give to this world to make it a better place.  Then guess what happens when you are an animal lover and you decide to start volunteering at your local animal shelter?  Not only are you happy with the time you are spending in your life, you are also around others who love animals as you do.  You connect more with those who are on your wavelength.  You feel less isolated, more purposeful, and happy.  And then one day…..you make friends, and you find your awesome animal lover dude, or dude-et!

Work through your blocks and work on your issues and “stuff.”  If you need help, ask for it.  It is often very helpful to work on understanding and releasing things with a therapist, with a friend, with spiritual practitioners.  Specifically, work on being clear of your relationship baggage. Let go of the past!! Be ready to open your heart and love again!  Many of us, because of tough experiences we have had, close down our hearts.  We try to protect ourselves from the love we want because we fear pain.  But, pain is a part of life.  It can strengthen you, and you can grow from those experiences.  You would never be the person you are now, without having gone through everything that has been hard for you.  Does this mean that once you open your heart again, that your relationship will be pain-free and that person will never hurt you? No, that is not possible.  You will be hurt.  But you will also love.  If you don’t take the risk to love, your heart is hurting, you are disconnected, you shut down, and you do not allow the love that you want. How’s that for a regret?

You can also have a spiritual focus and be authentic in your life.  This helps you to deal with challenges that come your way.  Being yourself, a life-long lesson for many, can bring you so much happiness in itself.  And if you are not yourself, and are living someone else’s life proscribed for you, then how can you expect to attract anyone who can see the real you?

Listen to your intuitions about people and follow them!! But note, that we don’t listen to our intuitions in order to be pain-free.  There is no such thing as pain-free.  Stop looking for that, it is not realistic.  But you can listen to what your heart is saying.  And, allow yourself to get really clear on this.  Do I want this, or don’t I?

Intention, visualization, affirmations, etc can help but YOU must be ready on a soul level, YOU must do the work.  Having an intention that is positive is great, but intentions must be backed up by actions.  Visualization and affirmations are great, they are tools you can use to affirm the work you have already done.  But the work happens inside you.  There are simply, no quick fixes, magical cures, spells, potions, prayers, or mojo that is going to do your work for you.  No psychic in the world is going to re-unite you with your ex, or do some hocus pocus on you that is going to solve your problems.  I think that what the law of attraction does, is attract what is resonating with your energy, and your energy is deeper than a 5 minute affirmation.  You must believe what you are affirming, truly, deep down in your guts.

Finally, believe that it is possible, and let the universe do the rest.  Let go, and trust that what you need in life, comes to you in the way it needs to on the time schedule that best suits everyone.

Soul Mates 101

| victoriazaitz
“You don’t give love in order to get love, you give love in order to become love” –Apollo Poetry

 

Ah, soul mates.  Can’t live with them (many times,) can’t live without them (all the time.)  What is this crazy phenomenon?  A lot has been written on this subject, and it can fall into several categories.  The popular understanding of the term is more of a myth than a reality.  The myth goes something like this: We have one shot to get it right in this lifetime, with our ONE and ONLY soul mate, the one who will make our lives complete, and is our perfect compliment.  If you are soul mates, you are destined to be together….forever!  Once you find that person, you will experience never ending bliss for the rest of your life, and your relationship will finally work the way it was meant to work…easy, idyllic, no work required, effortless harmony, and you will be enlightened with all of your spiritual voids filled.  This is a myth–a cultural story–and it even has an advertising program that wants you to buy into this philosophy.  It may sell some perfume, but what I am talking about is more about personal experiences and patterns in the process of personal development.  And, no disrespect here, but programs that promise to find your soul mate in 30 days—it is not that simple.  It happens when you are ready for it.

This is most definitely, a MYTH.  Why?  First, we have many soul mates.  Once you get started on the soul mate/ relationship as a spiritual path, you will probably have a succession of soul mates.  I personally have a count of about 7.  Although there is great compatibility with soul mates,  and they may very well be a perfect fit, the relationship (if there is one) is not meant to make your life complete.  Soul mates are not necessarily destined to be together forever.  Because the connection is so strong, it is very easy to think that because of its depth, it is therefore everlasting.  Some people are able to make it work with their soul mates, but not without the great amount of inner work and personal development that a deep connection requires.  Many times, soul mates are not meant to be in your life for as long as you may want them to.  Many times, one or both of you are not able to do what it would require for you to be together.  That is not the fault of Madame Destiny, it is just simply, life and its challenges.  And life’s lessons.

 

Soul mates are meant to help you grow, deeply grow, and to “give love so you can become love.”  It is a profoundly challenging relationship that is not for the faint of heart or a die-hard romantic.  It changes YOU, on the inside.  And as you change, what is vibrationally a fit now, may not always be so.  Because, we are always changing.  As the Buddha would say, the nature of life is impermanent.

 

Now that we have the myth out of the way, here is a pretty good, spiritual interpretation of what happens here.  It is part of the Law of Attraction, that soul mates are drawn in by your soul’s essence, who you really are at a deep level, your vibrational level, and your karma.  I don’t mean karma as in, this is your punishment for evils done in a past life! Karma can be considered to be, what keeps you from floating off this earth plane into a cloud of total enlightenment.  It is what keeps you learning lessons, the stuff of karma is your lessons, your issues, what needs to be cleared that keeps you from knowing that you are one with God and everything in this universe. Karma is your “stuff.”  Deep, huh?

 

Soul mates show you your “stuff.”  There is perfect analogy for this, and it is called, funny enough, “mirroring.”  Soul mates lift up a big mirror for you to look in, so that you can know thyself more deeply.  This is a two-way mirror, so you are also doing this for said beloved.  Now, to an extent, all relationships do this.  What makes soul mates so special?  Well, soul mates rev it up a notch, stomp full-fledged on the gas pedal, and COMPEL you to do your work, in a very intense way, that is hard to ignore.  Soul mates got your attention, all right.

This is why I teach that all soul mates are “romantic” in that sense.  Because even th0ugh all relationships are important, and you may love your dog or goldfish very much, they are not going to do this for you.  And the connection that you have to your friends and family may be deep and wonderful, but they don’t have this kind of impact on you in quite the same way.  Also, there are special dynamics and patterns in the soul mate connection that are custom-designed to shoot your soul in a rocket booster towards a very deep awakening.  A sexual and romantic component, for lack of a better descriptor, is a powerful forceful motivator and soul connector.  The feeling of wanting to unite male and female polarities is very strong.  By this I am talking about the masculine and feminine energies of the universe, not physical sex or bodies.  This is a different kind of connection from others in your soul group.  Please see my post, Signs of a Soul Mate or Twin Flame for the common indicators and patterns that I am talking about.

 

So what is a soul mate?  An energetic SOUL-based tie to another human being.  If you are familiar with the concept of energy centers or chakras, we can say that the common connection points are the sacral, heart, and third eye chakras.  Soul mates may delude themselves or deny that the connection goes both ways, but a soul mate connection is not unrequited love.  A person may have varying levels of awareness about the existence of the connection, but it  is not one-sided.  It is pretty much hard to ignore for both people.

 

Secondly, a soul mate connection is a spiritual, deep connection with a soul that COMPELS you to grow and learn lessons about yourself, love and relationships.  You can also think of it as a soul “contract,”  that involves the learning and teaching of lessons, which may have past life ties, and there are always lesson themes.  What are these lessons?  That is for you to find out, but many common ones are:  abandonment, personal integrity and honesty, insecurity, leaving situations and relationships that no longer work for you, fear of commitment, and even, fear of love.  You would be surprised, but many people faced with the prospect of unconditional love, are bewildered and terrified of actually having it.  Many soul mate lessons, more simply put, require that you make a choice between the polar opposites of fear and love.  In the big picture of soul development, we are all learning the difference between unconditional love and egoic love.

 

I must stress that soul mate connections are not always about the relationship.  This is where we get hooked on the concept of the relationship, and not about its real purpose–which is our own growth as a soul.

Signs of a Soul Mate or Twin Flame

| victoriazaitz

2015 edit–please read–This is an older post. As such, we all grow and evolve.  At this point in my journey I will say that these signs are true for most types of soul connections, including twin flames.  However, the signs of twin flames include additional elements beyond this listing and are generally only understood by going through them over time (and in most cases, YEARS.)  It takes time to understand that you are in a twin flame connection.  Most of you are not.  I will be speaking a lot more on twin flames, stay tuned!

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Posted due to popular demand–many of you ask me about this. I have taught this information in LilyDale, NY and counseled lots of people about this. I give you, Signs of a Soul Mate.   If you are experiencing these symptoms and you need help– please get in touch with me.  If one could be given through life experience, I may have a PhD in soul mate experience, a hard but wisdom laden road.  I can definitely help you, and let you know what has helped others (and me) through these experiences.  Do not go through it alone, and no….you are not crazy!

Signs of a Soul Mate

 □  An energetic feeling of connection in the heart, sacral and/or third eye chakras.

□  There is a “romantic” connection.

□  An instant, magnetic, unexplainable attraction.

□  A moment of “soul recognition” that this person is a soul mate, often by a feeling that the connection is establishing itself in your energetic body

□  Psychic or telepathic communication, empathic feelings, knowing the person’s thoughts, feelings, or physical condition.

□  Synchronicities at the time of meeting or at important points in the relationship.  Or a repeated occurrence of seeing the numbers 11:11.

□  Vivid and/or meaningful dreams of partner, astral travels/intimacy/sex in dreams that feels real, a premonition of meeting this person in a dream or other form.

□  Feeling their presence when they are not physically present.

□  Feeling of familiarity regardless of time spent together, “love at first sight”, deep understanding with no logical prior knowledge.

□  Feelings of having spent past lifetimes together, actual past life memories, often tied to current soul mate themes or lessons.

□  General compatibility and mutual shared interests.

□  A spiritual awakening triggered by the partner, that can include: kundalini rising, new found awareness of your personal life purpose, a deepening connection to Higher Power.

□  Similarities in life experiences, often within the same timeframe, “just missing” each other (times when you could have met but didn’t.)

□  A period of separation, during which lessons are integrated.

□  The “runner” and “stayer” dynamic: one or both of you runs from the relationship out of fear, one or both of you at some point wants to stay and make it work.

□  Soul-mate “mirroring” and projection of personal issues.  They “mirror” for you what you need to work on in yourself.

□  You recognize life changing lessons to learn about yourself and the nature of love through this relationship.

□  A profound sense of unconditional love for this person.

□  Conflict in the relationship is intolerable and must be resolved immediately.

□  A sacred element to sexuality.

□  You don’t just “get over it”, you miss them intensely! Feeling that it is not over, even though it may appear to be in external circumstance. Loss/separation can be as painful as a bereavement process.

□  Your life has been thrown into upheaval, huge changes of job, home, finances, inner beliefs, spiritual or religious beliefs.

□  You feel like you are going nuts! Confusion, grief, etc.

□  Obstacles, blocks and more obstacles—partner may already be in a relationship (though not fulfilling) geographical distances, etc.

□  The connection lives on, even without contact or communication, even if you want it to end!

□  Feeling that you two are the only two people in the universe when you talk although there may be tons of people around, time “stands still.”

□  The “push” and the “pull”–Back and forth statements, “I love you” one minute, “I can’t do this” the next, on and off situations with the person, does not want you to leave them although they cannot be with you.

□  You know that a part of you is changing, or has to change, and there is no going back.